Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia, Clinical Psychologist

Emotional competence requires the capacity to feel our emotions, so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress; the ability to express our emotions effectively and thereby to assert our needs and to maintain the integrity of our emotional boundaries; the facility to distinguish between psychological reactions that are pertinent to the present situation and those that represent residue from the past.- Gabor Mate This process begins by 1) attuning to 2) labe...ling & reflecting back our child’s experience (you felt frustrated when your toy broke and felt like hitting). These simple acts of emotional reflection are the foundation for understanding and regulating emotions as adults. For both children and adults, when we feel seen, heard, and understood our distress decreases and opportunity to problem-solve and engage in effective decision making becomes available See more

Behind the busyness of our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations is the stable & grounded YOU When we practice stepping back to notice the mind giving us a thought, or to watch the ebb and flow of emotion, we tap into our observer self, the experiencer. Without the awareness of what our experience is in the moment, we can feel completely fused with and directed by our inner experience. The ability to make choices from intention rather than automatic pilot, fears and our history requires us to create space between ourselves and our experience. What will you choose?

In some ways, meeting our breath without changing it, fixing it, or optimizing it, is one of the most accessible and radical acts of self-acceptance available to us. We learn that our body is something that does not need to be habitually fixed and instead met with curiosity and reverence.

Perfectionismis a way of avoiding the parts of ourselves we have the most difficulty accepting. Perhaps it shows up in your career, your relationships, your parenting, your home. It can definitely fly under the radar in terms of adaptations to shame because it can look productive and picture perfect on the outside. However, it can leave us further away from our vulnerability & living a full life that is open to the complete spectrum of emotions; it can distance us from be...ing seen by our loved ones and even fully by ourselves. Ask yourself: Where does perfection show up in my life? What is it that I might feel if I weren’t perfect? What has happened in my life that led me to experience this shame in the first place? The hot fire of shame is not extinguished with criticism & judgment, but rather it is cooled by compassion & understanding. Looking shame in the eye is brave work See more

4 years later & I am back to school but this time as a professor! Had a wonderful first day teaching the Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy track class for @peppgsep Psy.D. Program! I never envisioned my first teaching gig via @zoom , but the pandemic won’t stop us from learning about CBT, ACT, DBT, and trauma-therapy!

Early relationships that minimize our own feelings and experiences, whether through invalidation, neglect, or outright anger and backlash have profound effects on our connection to our ability to say yes and no, speak up when we are uncomfortable, set boundaries, and even discern safe from unsafe. Ribs kind of attachment trauma can make it difficult to know what we need or to be kind to ourselves because of internalized trauma beliefs, messages we’ve received, feelings of shame and unworthiness, and a disconnection from the body and gut. The ultimate goal is to be in the presence of personal suffering with a sense of safety, so that the pain is felt and the process of healing can begin.

You are whole and worthy, just as you are

https://www.healthline.com//mental/routes-of-safety-model

As adults, the better we can soothe children when they’re experiencing big emotions and support them when they’re low, the more they are able to cultivate the ability to do this for themselves! Co-regulation literally forms the neural architecture of the brain that is responsible for the ability to regulate emotions as adults! The beauty of the brain’s plasticity, or ability to change based on experience, is that we can rewire the brain towards regulation & safety even if we didn’t receive this as children! This can be achieved both through safe and empathic relationships, such as with a therapist or a loved one, as well as individually through the practice of mindfulness!

The biggest problem with our hasty judgments (or what psychologist Carol Dweck termed fixed mindsets) is that they slam the door on opportunities to be of real help to ourselves or our children. The labels we apply to certain behaviors blind us to the causes of that behavior and what it is communicating. This creates distance and even dislike of our children, which can be hard to overcome, instead of understanding, empathy, and positive growth, all of which deepen our parent-child bonds....

For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support that, ‘unless you love yourself no one else will love you.’ The truth is you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.- Bruce Perry

In order to take meaningful action to fight racial injustice, each of us must be willing to turn towards pain + suffering rather than away from it. Yes, it may be easier to turn away, more comfortable, more convenient. Our ability to tolerate the discomfort of others’ pain begins with our willingness to do so for ourselves. SELF- compassion helps us relate to our own emotional pain, failures, and inadequacy with kindness, rather than avoidance, judgment, or criticism. We can learn to give ourselves the support and comfort needed to bear the pain, while providing the optimal conditions for growth, transformation, and meaningful action in the fight against injustice

Anti-racism + trauma work go hand in hand, we cannot disconnect them

Muted but listening This week I will not be sharing my own content. I will be using my platform to share the content, woke, and words of black and brown people. #blackouttuesday #amplifymelanatedvoices

For who does not understand the relationship between images and trauma and history, well worth reading and and careful consideration through a trauma-informed, media literate lens. "Being shown and seeing images that really demonstrate violence on the black body is something that is not only traumatizing from a contemporary perspective but it also has historical trauma. It really does sort of play to these like larger issues that have been with us for hundreds of years," said Martine Hackett, a public health professor at Hofstra University.