Glasser Mediation & Collaborative Divorce

Role of a Collaborative Divorce Coach by Jann Glasser, LCSW, MFT Divorce is just as much a life transition as marriage. Divorce is not about the division of pr...operty; it is about the division of lives. Closure rarely comes with the decree of dissolution issued by the court. Closure can come more easily through Collaborative Divorce, where a team of Collaborative professionals helps you to facilitate peacemaking in a private, respectful process out of court instead of waging war in a courtroom. Depending upon the needs of the transitioning couple, various professionals are selected to be part of the team assisting spouses in a healthy positive transition from their lives together into two separate households. One of these professionals is the Divorce Coach, a licensed mental health professional who is a specialist with clinical experience in human behavior and family systems. We help families learn new skills in conducting themselves in times of stress during the Collaborative Divorce process. Our role as Divorce Coaches during a Collaborative Divorce is assist people through the transition process, to provide a soft landing spot for clients to deal with the range of emotions that are inherent in any marital breakup. Coaches can help you to determine what is truly important in the divorce process, for both parents and children. Coaches can also help you release the negative emotional energy that can be part of any divorce, by helping you to develop skills in open communication, self-management and creative problem-solving. As coaches, we help our clients focus on questions about their personal ethics and conduct, rather than winning and losing. After more than 30 years in the field of professional counseling and mediation, I have learned that divorce is one of the most painful emotional experiences most people can endure in their lifetime. As a part of your Collaborative team, a Divorce Coach will assist you in separating highly volatile emotions so they do not interfere with sound decision-making. Together, we will create goals to address each area of concern, highlighting strengths as well as identifying challenges. One of our most important and lasting goals as coaches is helping couples who are parents create co-parenting agreements that will work by helping to focus on the real issues of the future, not past angers and disappointments. Coaches guide couples to turn their issues into mutually shared interests, as they learn new problem solving skills for conflict resolution and post-divorce parenting for the restructured family apart. By choosing to embark upon the road of Collaborative Divorce, and with the assistance of a Divorce Coach to guide you along the way, my hope is that at the end of this journey, you can embrace the spirit of these words found in Genesis 13:8-9: let there be no quarrel between us for we were once family; let us separate gently; if one goes north, may the other go south; if one goes east, may the other go west. May your house be your house; and may my house be my house, and may strife and contentions not rule our hearts. See more

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Is quicker divorce a better divorce? By: Bob Glasser

Spousal Support: Decision-Making Factors Temporary orders for spousal support are also usually calculated by guidelines data. What data is accurate and what are any unique, equitable factors to consider are where good lawyering applies. For the long-term, there are a dozen criteria for deciding the amount and duration of spousal support. One to help a former mate have the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage. Another is to assist in a transition to becoming sel...f supporting, if possible. The length of a marriage, the needs of the asking spouse, his/her ability to earn, or to pay, and other factors a court must consider. See California Family Code, at Section 4320. The court exercises its discretion, and is almost never overturned on appeal. Courts can not use a guidelines calculation to decide long term spousal support, or a modification of it. But, is that workable? what exceptions are there that can apply to you? There is no substitute for good advice and guidance when it comes to support decisions Call NDA. http://www.newportdivorceattorney.com/divorce-issu/support/

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Child Support: Decision-Making Factors Generally, courts decide child support amounts based on computer program known as the guidelines. Xspouse and DissoMaster are two. The results rely on data to determine the support amount. Commonly are the parents’ incomes, time share arrangements, number of supported children, and certain tax deductions and expenses the statutes provide. Child care costs, union dues, health insurance, child support payments for other children, ho...me mortgage interest and taxes are examples. What is income on which to calculate child support is defined to include almost everything. Parents’ child support incomes are payroll wages, average overtime, bonuses, commission, disability income, passive income, social security income, and, sometimes even income from second jobs. If a parent is avoiding his or her support obligation, intentionally avoiding employment or suppressing income, the court may impute an ability to earn income to that parent, and on that to calculate child support. Where the parent obligated to pay support is self-employed, determining what is that person’s real income or cash flow may be difficult. That is absent a financially savvy divorce lawyer on your side to direct and apply accounting, taxation and forensic skills. A forensic accountant is often involved, particularly if tax returns are insufficient. http://www.newportdivorceattorney.com/

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Custody/Visitation In making appropriate child custody rulings, the court must determine what is in the best interests of your children. The legal considerations are complex. Generally, the court weighs which parent is best able to provide for the health, safety and welfare of the children, the history of parental responsibilities, contacts between child and parents, and, which parent will most likely promote and provide frequent and continuing interaction between the child...ren and their other parent. Not mandatory, but courts often favor the report and testimony of an expert to make decisions in difficult or contentious custody or visitation cases. Expert testimony comes from a court-appointed mental health professional. Other options include child custody investigations through a County mediation and investigative agency. The court may also appoint an attorney to represent your children, highly beneficial when the parents’ needs or desires conflict with the needs and/or best interests of the child, or if the child wishes to express a primary custodial parent preference. In California, use of the county mediation service is a mandatory condition to the court’s willingness to hear any contested custody or visitation issue. The purpose of court mediation is to help parents resolve their family’s own custody and visitation needs. A trained social worker in a confidential mediation setting is, in Orange County, strictly a settlement tool. Recommending the appointment of counsel for a child, or that a custody evaluation be performed are additional tools. Where a case appears to be difficult or contentious, call on Newport Divorce Attorney. Put over 44 years of child custody and divorce law experience on your side and that of your children. And too, see www.glassermediationservices.com.

Did you know most divorce disputes eventually settle? Couples, like you, are relying on themselves, and with divorce lawyer help, to negotiate outcomes both can live with. To educate and enable couples to make their own divorce decisions, NDA offers one-lawyer-divorce services. Or, if you must have a judge decide, Robert Glasser offers over 40 years of trial experience. http://www.newportdivorceattorney.com/

Property: All community assets and debts are subject to dividing in a divorce. Community property is any asset (earnings, savings, acquisitions, etc.) or debt acquired during your marriage by the effort of either marriage partner. Pension, 401K, IRA and other retirement benefits may be all or partly community assets. Each spouse equally owns the community property assets and debts. Unless they agree differently, a court will divide the assets and debts equally between them. I...t takes creative and experienced counsel to foresee tax consequences and other reasons not merely to recommend slicing the community in two. Were any of the assets or debts obtained from inheritance, by gift, or existed before marriage? What about the assets and debts acquired either before or after separation? Identifying, evaluating, and equitably dividing the community is one set of tasks; sorting separate from community is another, and accounting and reimbursing for use after separation, as appropriate, are chores of still another set. How best to handle deferred compensation or retirement plan assets is a unique question. They can be either federally or state governed questions. We offer ERISA related, and (QDRO) Qualified Domestic Relation Order experience.

Q? What is a Divorce? A. It is a legal end to a marriage. Each party is restored to the status of single person. The process is begun by the first party to file a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. He or she will be known as the Petitioner. The other party, who may or may not file a Response paper, is known as the Respondent. Without the spouses creating agreements to resolve the issues arising from their divorce, the court will decide them.... Q? What are Grounds for Divorce? A. The State of California is a no fault divorce state. You can have a divorce simply by swearing that irreconcilable differences have arisen in the marriage that have caused its irreparable breakdown. Other grounds for ending a marriage exist, but require proof. Your spouse cannot stop you from obtaining a divorce in California. For more information click the link below. http://www.newportdivorceattorney.com/faq/

What is Mediation and How Does it Work? What is Mediation? Mediation is a structured settlement process. It is conducted by neutral divorce professionals. NDA offers a mediation team, a family law lawyer and licensed divorce coach. Court-based mediation offers a mental health professional, but only if custody or visitation is in dispute. The court does not supply mediation otherwise. The results of private mediation with NDA become enforceable agreements and court orders.... Court mediation results can be disavowed before court. How Mediation Works Mediation guides couples through conversations. Clients are helped to identify, clarify, be informed, and empowered to resolve their divorce issues. Divorce mediation relies on firm ground rules in a confidential setting. Even emotionally charged issues can be talked about safely. Our mediation team helps you gather and digest the information you need to plan more creative, satisfying solutions than a court force on you. Plus, when parenting agreements and financial plans are client created, the needs of the entire family are more likely met. Mediated divorces foster long-term parental cooperation. And they avoid costly returns to court.

Avoid Divorce Disaster Part 2: 1. E embrace your feelings. Examine them. From what sources do they spring? Whether you told or were told, are you frightened by financial & other uncertainty? Are you angry to be forced to make unknown and likely difficult changes? There’s a lot to worry about when divorce strikes. You’re not unique that way. Embrace your worries. Exist, they do. Examine and ask why. Then, go E A S Y. 2. A - acknowledge that if you rely on an emotionally dir...ected compass, you use a faulty navigational device. Human history shows: decisions based on passion are not as successfully carried out as those made deliberately, in calm calculation of the pros and cons. In mediation or a collaborative divorce process, by acknowledging the role of emotions, you can more easily address them, then stop, look, listen, and learn to make informed decisions. Embrace and explore the existence of emotions. Acknowledge their faulty role. 3. S sip and sort from the pool of knowledge that tells you what you have to work with. Examples are financial data, history of your family’s priorities, your goals and interests and what two future households might look like. Then, begin exploring. What are possibilities? What decisions can work for each of you and your family? Explore what facts, feelings and goals exist, acknowledge the roles each may play, then sip and sort to know your options. 4. Y yearn to keep the process peaceful. Be calm, deliberate, and respectful. Let professionally assisted divorce conversations in mediation or collaborative process lead you to satisfying and lasting, self-determined results, settlements that work. Embrace emotions, Acknowledge their role, Sip of knowledge, Yearn to have peace. More information and discussion can be found at www.glassermediationservices.com or see Mediation at www.newportdivorceattorney.com.

Avoid Divorce Disaster Part 1: In a divorce, you want not to see bad outcomes. Rather than disaster, you want results to work for you. If one of your goals is avoiding divorce disaster, for your sake or your family’s, a successful approach is a peaceable, professionally-guided mediation or collaborative process. More and more frequently these days, families want to avoid disaster and, instead, achieve outcomes they can live with. Staying out of court and learning how to make ...their own decisions is how. You too can avoid the worst and better control your outcomes. Take your divorce to a mediator, a trained and neutral divorce attorney or to a team of collaborating divorce professionals. Without courtroom stress or the fear of being candid, you can find yourself and your spouse working more comfortably on resolving, not warring over problems. If you want an avoid-disaster divorce, you start by choosing one or more guiding and assisting professionals. Do not initiate court combat to see what happens. Rather, 1st find, together with your (now divorce partner) spouse, what your facts, feelings, worries and goals are. What problems need fixing now and which going forward? In conversations that follow, your mediator or collaborative professional will guide you to more easily seek and plan - peacefully and thoroughly- what is workable. Avoiding disaster to achieve successful results means you apply experienced, professional mentoring, monitoring, and complete divorce guidance, learning and making livable decisions. Answer for yourselves: how best to provide for your children sharing their chores, your parenting responsibilities, and their support; how to divide assets, debts, and retirements; and how will each of your financial futures look like and be sourced? Also important to self-decided, successful divorces is accepting the role of commonly-felt, human emotions. With divorce typically come human feelings of fear, fight, flight, or freezing uncertainty. Mediation or collaborative professionals help channel emotional energy into productive problem- solving. Avoided is unnecessary angst, as well, of course, as upsetting children and huge attorney fees. In mediation or a collaborative model, one or more divorce professionals tutorial together with you and your divorcing spouse. If you can consider becoming empowered to make divorce decisions for yourselves, planning not merely reacting, creating workable results, not regrets, you avoid the disaster of divorce.

WHY DO DIVORCE MEDIATION WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU? You and your spouse can and will create a mutually satisfactory Marital Settlement Agreement. Our husband/wife mediation team assists to do just that. Together, we identify your dissolution issues, find the facts, input your views and feelings, and then review possible solutions. With our highly experienced mediation team approach, you explore and obtain results, results that work, and results that are court enforceable. You will receive guidance regarding division of assets and debts, spousal support and co-parenting/child support (if applicable). http://www.glassermediationservices.com/

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Q? How Will a Parenting Plan Work Best? A. The Newport Divorce Attorney professional staff has more than 60 years of breakup experience. Call on us to help create the best arrangements for your children, whether by court orders, or parent agreements.... Watch your children. You know your children, so: Watch to see how they do with the schedule. If they aren’t doing well, talk to the other parent and try to find a way to fix things. Make sure the children know that the separation or divorce is not their fault. Tell them you love them, and that you will take care of them. Let them tell you how they feel about all the changes and what they need from you. And try to listen without getting defensive. Parents don’t always agree on what’s best for their children. This is natural. It happens in every relationship. When you and the other parent don’t agree: Listen to the other parent and respect his or her point of view. Control your emotions, just like you do at work. Do what’s best for your children. Don’t put your children in the middle of your fights with the other parent. Don’t use physical violence or be mentally or emotionally abusive.

Q? What is a Parenting Plan? A. One part is physical custody, which means where the child lives and how the child spends his or her time. Think about activities, overnights, and day-to-day parental care opportunities. Joint physical custody means each parent has significant periods of time with the child so as to assure a child of frequent and continuing contact with both parents. Newport Divorce Attorney knows what questions to ask and how to get a parenting plan that ...works for you and your children. Call us today if parenting is an issue. Legal custody, means the right to make decisions promoting the health, education and welfare of your children. Be clear and specific about which decisions each parent can make on their own and which decisions must be made together. Call Newport Divorce Attorney today if legal custody issues are in your case. Joint Legal and Physical Custody Considerations: Generally: Joint custody is most successful when parents are consistent in dealing with their children, cooperate with and support the discipline (and other efforts) of the other parent, communicate about what is in the best interests of their children, are not in conflict around the child, share in parenting tasks, and the children’s possessions. Specifically: The age, maturity, and temperament of each child, and his or her special needs; the parents’ work schedule and flexibility; the availability and affordability of child care, transportation distances, and how well the parents communicate and cooperate are typical factors that help create a parenting plan. Parents with a low level of conflict will usually need less detail in their agreement while specific plans work best for parents in higher conflict.

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Q: What About Legal Separation or Annulment Proceedings? A. Separation: The difference between divorce and legal separation is that marital status is not terminated. At the end of the case the parties remain married. But, just as with a divorce, the issues of custody, visitation, support, asset and debt division, and so on are resolved in the final judgment.... While the Petitioner party may file to seek a legal separation, the Respondent party may elect either a legal separation or a divorce. A request for a divorce supercedes one for separation. Legal separations are requested by a party who may be unsure that the marriage is permanently broken, yet desires to formalize the division of his or her assets and debts, and arrange custody, visitation and support issues. Legal separations may be filed while waiting to meet residency requirement times for a divorce. At times, religious reasons may apply. Or, a separation is requested to maintain medical insurance coverage for a spouse who could not otherwise afford or obtain it, or for a spouse who is otherwise uninsurable because of a pre- existing medical condition. Annulment: An annulment is sought where the petitioning party believes the marriage was entered into because of fraud relating to the purpose of a marriage, lack of ability to consent, failure to consummate, and such grounds. The result of a decree of annulment is that the parties are immediately returned to the status of unmarried persons, the marriage is nullified, and the marriage is treated as if it had never occurred. Legal cause and proof are required before the court, even if the other spouse does not respond. Complex legal considerations need to be considered before filing an annulment. Newport Divorce Attorney believes it is wise to request a divorce in the alternative, in case the annulment request is denied.

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Mediation Myths Myth #1: Mediation is not for complicated cases. Mediation can often be the most effective platform for a well though-out divorce. Whether your circumstances are complicated or not, mediation peacefully identified and gathers the information you need to make informed decisions. Not only explored are objective data, but also motivating interests, and present and future concerns. Mediation empowers you to find what can work, now and later for your family....Continue reading

Custody/Visitation: In making appropriate child custody rulings, the court must determine what is in the best interests of your children. The legal considerations are complex. Generally, the court weighs which parent is best able to provide for the health, safety and welfare of the children, the history of parental responsibilities, contacts between child and parents, and, which parent will most likely promote and provide frequent and continuing interaction between the chil...dren and their other parent. Not mandatory, but courts often favor the report and testimony of an expert to make decisions in difficult or contentious custody or visitation cases. Expert testimony comes from a court-appointed mental health professional. Other options include child custody investigations through a County mediation and investigative agency. The court may also appoint an attorney to represent your children, highly beneficial when the parents’ needs or desires conflict with the needs and/or best interests of the child, or if the child wishes to express a primary custodial parent preference. In California, use of the county mediation service is a mandatory condition to the court’s willingness to hear any contested custody or visitation issue. The purpose of court mediation is to help parents resolve their family’s own custody and visitation needs. A trained social worker in a confidential mediation setting is, in Orange County, strictly a settlement tool. Recommending the appointment of counsel for a child, or that a custody evaluation be performed are additional tools. Where a case appears to be difficult or contentious, call on Newport Divorce Attorney. Put over 44 years of child custody and divorce law experience on your side and that of your children.

Settlement Agreement or Court Order Reviews Second Opinion Settlement Agreement/Reviews/Strategies & Planning An independent review or a second opinion can validate your settlement agreement. Important is doing so before you sign it. You may confirm good decisions, or the second opinion might raise a question to consider further. There may be negotiations or litigation strategies you can learn from having a second, independent opinion. Would you like to know more?... Or, you are not sure about an order of the court, there is a limited period allowed to prepare the court record for appeal, ask for reconsideration, or a new trial. You need to act promptly. Call on Newport Divorce Attorney (949) 752-2727. Appeal A trial court must be shown to have made a material mistake, one that is both wrong and caused an unfair result in order for an appeals court to order reversal. Best is to have well prepared counsel, evidence, and legal briefings in the trial court. Newport Divorce Attorney does prosecute appeals, and successfully so, even in the California Supreme Court. http://www.newportdivorceattorney.com//settlement-agreeme/

Marriage Myths:

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Get or Modify Orders: Restraining Orders If domestic violence occurs, on application showing sufficient facts, the court will immediately issue temporary personal restraining orders to protect a spouse, live-in, former live-in, or party to a romantic relationship. If the police issued a 3-day temporary order, it will expire. The court will consider sworn declarations from both sides. It may also set a date to hear live testimony from both sides.... Other orders are available to immediately restrain removing children, the disposition of property, or to stop or to require that certain action be taken. All such orders are applied for to the court in what are called ex-parte proceedings. Enforce Orders Depending on what sort of order it is, there are court procedures available to enforce orders. Money orders are subject to several forms of collection. Other orders may require creativity to enforce, from obtaining customized enforcement orders to proving the party is in contempt of court and should be jailed until he/she performs. Changing (Modification of) Orders Family law orders are subject to change if the circumstances on which they are based change. Support is likely to be subject to change when a payor party is laid off, for example, or if a child has become a young adult and has a reasonable basis to choose a different parenting arrangement. Or, a parent wishes to move away with the children.

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If you don’t want your kids to be collateral damage in your divorce, consider this: Using courts to resolve family disputes typically inflames the underlying parental disputes and heighten conflict. Unintended negative consequences arise from a well-intentioned act to resolve a dispute. Court decisions do not necessarily end conflict; they often just leave a bad taste in your mouth. Settlements the parents themselves reach out of court tend to last longer, be better honored a...nd allow for change than those outcomes imposed by a judge. Less than 5% of all family court disputes go to trial. Most cases settle in negotiations or in alternate dispute resolution contexts. Given that statistically your matter is likely to settle other than by court trial, you may be better off to begin with the alternate process from the start. If you have begun a court process, you can still seek other peacemaking approaches. Parenting conflicts are not legal matters. Parenting conflicts are reflections of interpersonal problems which require interpersonal solutions. While judges and lawyers are experts at law, they are not typically experts at parenting conflicts, child development, mental health, drug and/or alcohol concerns or domestic violence. Court may only be really necessary to keep people safe from harm in the event of truly dangerous or abusive behavior or in situations where a parent is truly undermining a child’s relationship with the other parent with no hope of change. Not liking the other parent, having different values or preferences and challenges in communication are not helped in court processes. If preserving a future that everyone can live with is a priority goal for you, consider mediation or a collaborative divorce process as your best methods of alternate dispute resolution for your divorce. There is a better way and it is available today..

HOW MEDIATION WORKS Mediation is a no court option for dissolving your divorce. Through facilitated negotiations, clients identify, clarify and resolve issues raised by your divorce. This neutral process rests on firm ground rules and a confidential environment. Even emotionally charged issues can be talked about safely. Our husband/wife attorney/therapist mediation team offers a gender balanced approach to helping you gather necessary information, and can help you formulate ...a more creative, satisfying solution than may be possible for a court to offer. Neither the attorney or therapist mediator acts as advocate for either one of you. Mediation helps each of you to clarify your concerns, interests and values while allowing you the retain the decision making power for your final agreement. When parenting agreements and financial distribution plans are created by the Partners themselves, there is a better chance of satisfying the needs of the entire family. Mediated divorces have a higher rate of long-range parental cooperation and a lower frequency of costly court returns. My role as your co mediator is to serve as air traffic controller, helping you to separate volatile emotions from sound decision making. The attorney mediator bring over 30 years of family law experience to the process. Together, our years of combined experience and skill in conflict resolution help you and your spouse arrive at a viable Marital Settlement agreement. Mediation will enable you to: Resolve your parenting plan fairly. Control the outcome of your divorce. Reach an equitable financial agreement. Save money. By avoiding the combat of the litigation process, the stage for continuing cooperation in raising children is set. Benefits of a Mediated Divorce: Enables individuals to emerge from a divorce with dignity and self-respect. Empowers both parties to recognize legitimate needs, and helps them develop options to meet those needs. Mediation establishes a foundation for future co-parenting. It protects family relationships while helping a couple dissolve their relationship as husband and wife. Focuses on the present and the future, not the past, and helps individuals move beyond the past to direct their energies toward independent futures. Avoids the polarizing tendencies of the litigation system. Reduces uncertainty for the family, and minimizes confusion and delay for children. Offers a confidential, informal context for reaching agreement. Allows for more control over the costs of the process. If there is still adequate trust between you and your spouse and the two of you can work together agreeably to resolve your financial issues and parenting arrangements, mediation may be right for you IF YOU ARE ABOUT TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP, MEDIATION IS THE BEST PLACE TO BEGIN.

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MEDIATE OR LITIGATE ? One of the first thoughts many people have after recognizing that a divorce is inevitable is to find a lawyer. You may be unaware that there are other alternatives, such as mediation. This is a time limited confidential process in which both you and your spouse meet with neutral third parties who help you decide on the division of parenting responsibilities, where your children will live, how decisions will be made, and the financial issues of property a...nd support. In many cases, mediation yields a more satisfactory resolution than an extended legal battle. How do you know which is right for you and in the best interests of your children? While every case is unique, are are some broad guidelines: CHOOSE LITIGATION WHEN: There is a history or current threat of violence in the family. You cannot talk or negotiate freely if you fear for your safety. Animosity between you and your spouse is so great you could not sit in the same room together. If being together triggers severe stress, better to leave the direct communication to an attorney. Your partner refuses to disclose financial information. Good faith negotiation cannot occur if one person is withholding vital information. You and your partner, even with a third person, are unwilling to discuss the choices available. Your partner is unlikely to keep regular appointments. To talk directly wto a ligiation lawyer, call 949-752-2727. Asl for a ligiation lawyer. CHOOSE MEDIATION WHEN: Your primary concern is your children's well-being. Research shows that when there is less parental conflict during and after the divorce, children adjust more easily and are more likely to meet their potential as they reach adulthood. You are considering joint or shared custody. Mediators are trained to write detailed agreements covering a wide angle of issues and situations as they relate to parenting. Despite intense hurt or anger, you want to keep the process as civil and peaceful as possible. Mediation offers an opportunity to improve and keep the lines of communication open for future cooperation as parents, even as your children enter adulthood. You are unable to spend thousands of dollars in court costs and lawyers' fees. You want to maintain some control and dignity during a very difficult time. During a separation and subsequent divorce, your self esteem can get pretty battered. The winner/loser mentality of the litigation process often aggravates those feelings. Mediation, on the other hand, rests on the premise that each person has legitimate concerns.

On What Does the Court Decide the Amount of Child Support? If parents cannot agree on how much money is fair and reasonable to take care of their children, the court will generally order one parent to pay the other parent a sum of money every month to help pay for the children’s living expenses. The judge must decide the child support amount based on a guideline calculation. California has established a formula to calculate guideline child support. Only in very limited circum...stances can the judge order something other than the guideline amount. Basic child support does not include the cost of child care or uninsured medical expenses. These additional costs will be allocate by the Court, and ordered in addition to guideline support. The guideline calculation depends on a number of facts and data. When you retain Newport Divorce Attorney, we get that information and calculate child support for payment by court order, if not by agreement. Income and time sharing are key data relied on.

Part 3 Is the Collaborative Process For Me? Collaborative Divorce may be for you if: 1.You want a respectful, fair, and open resolution 2.You want to put you children’s needs firs... 3.You are willing to listen and consider your spouse’s need 4.You are able to focus on the future and not current pain and anger 5.You want to control the outcome of your divorce and not leave it up to strangers 6.You want to work together, creatively to find a win-win solution to your disputes and can rise above your anger and resentment. When people resolve their disputes collaboratively, they often gain renewed respect for each other and their relationship changes and evolves into a healthier relationship rather than degenerating and getting mired down in hatred. People who participate in the Collaborative Process are proud of their decision to use their best behaviors to resolve disputes rather than choosing a process that encourages attacks and the throwing of mud. Couples never have to set foot in a courtroom. In the Collaborative process, the partners design their own solutions and resolve their conflicts with integrity. Collaborative professionals facilitate the process and experts are often included to help achieve effective settlements and healthy communication. Litigated divorces often drag friends and family into the battle and align them against the other spouse.. This alienation and taking of sides is unnecessary in the Collaborative process. It is for you if you value the kind of relationship you will have with the important people in your life as much as you value the amount of property/money you will receive. See more

Part 2 Don’t Most Lawyers Negotiate Anyway? Maybe you’ve heard that most cases settle short of trial. This is true, but there is a big difference between a negotiated or mediated settlement in a litigated divorce and the process and results achieved in a Collaborativeapproach. Litigated divorce always involves the overt or hidden threat of court action. To make this threat meaningful, both sides waste lots of money and energy preparing for court. Both sides suffer stress worr...Continue reading

Part 1 What’s So Great About Collaborative Law? Instead of going to war and engaging in destructive litigation, Collaborative Family Law is a no court alternative process of solving differences. Nearly all divorcing couples have differences, but some see the good sense it makes not to play games. Couples agree to reveal all relevant information, present their concerns respectfully, and cooperate in solving issues. Collaborative Law results in the couple controlling the outcom...Continue reading

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What Property Is Divided In Divorce? Each spouse equally owns the community property assets and debts. Unless the parties agree differently, a court will divide these assets and debts equally between them. It takes creative and experienced counsel to foresee tax consequences and other reasons not to merely recommend slicing the community in two.

Here are some common FAQ's: What Are Some Parenting Plan Considerations? The age, maturity, and temperament of each child, and his or her special needs; the parents’ work schedule and flexibility; the availability and affordability of child care, transportation distances, and how well the parents communicate and cooperate are typical factors that help create a parenting plan.... Parents with a low level of conflict will usually need less detail in their agreement while specific plans work best for parents in higher conflict. How Will a Parenting Plan Work Best? The Newport Divorce Attorney professional staff has more than 60 years of breakup experience. Call on us to help create the best arrangements for your children, whether by court orders, or parent agreements. Watch your children. You know your children, so: Watch to see how they do with the schedule. If they aren't doing well, talk to the other parent and try to find a way to fix things. Make sure the children know that the separation or divorce is not their fault. Tell them you love them, and that you will take care of them. Let them tell you how they feel about all the changes and what they need from you. And try to listen without getting defensive. Parents don't always agree on what's best for their children. This is natural. It happens in every relationship. When you and the other parent don't agree: Listen to the other parent and respect his or her point of view. Control your emotions, just like you do at work. Do what's best for your children. Don't put your children in the middle of your fights with the other parent. Don’t use physical violence or be mentally or emotionally abusive.

MULLING OVER MEDIATION You are separated. Your partner wants you to go to mediation to work out a dissolution agreement, but you have misgivings about it .. If this describes you, this article was written to address your concerns. First of all, there is a roller coaster of feelings with every separation. After everything that has happened to get you to this point, you may have built up considerable distrust or suspicion of your partner. In fact if he (she) wants something, y...Continue reading

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE: THE ABC’S OF TEAM MEDIATION Mediation is a no court option to dissolve your marriage. In meetings we facilitate, you will identify, clarify and resolve issues your divorce raises. . Ours is a neutral process, conducted on firm and proven ground rules and a confidential setting. Even emotionally charged issues can be talked about safely. are An attorney/counselor mediation team can offer a gender balanced, professional approach. You are guided to...Continue reading

What About Legal Separation or Annulment Proceedings? Separation: The difference between divorce and legal separation is that marital status is not terminated. At the end of the case the parties remain married. But, just as with a divorce, the issues of custody, visitation, support, asset and debt division, and so on are resolved in the final judgment. While the Petitioner party may file to seek a legal separation, the Respondent party may elect either a legal separation or... a divorce. A request for a divorce supercedes one for separation. Legal separations are requested by a party who may be unsure that the marriage is permanently broken, yet desires to formalize the division of his or her assets and debts, and arrange custody, visitation and support issues. Legal separations may be filed while waiting to meet residency requirement times for a divorce. At times, religious reasons may apply. Or, a separation is requested to maintain medical insurance coverage for a spouse who could not otherwise afford or obtain it, or for a spouse who is otherwise uninsurable because of a pre- existing medical condition. Annulment: An annulment is sought where the petitioning party believes the marriage was entered into because of fraud relating to the purpose of a marriage, lack of ability to consent, failure to consummate, and such grounds. The result of a decree of annulment is that the parties are immediately returned to the status of unmarried persons, the marriage is nullified, and the marriage is treated as if it had never occurred. Legal cause and proof are required before the court, even if the other spouse does not respond. Complex legal considerations need to be considered before filing an annulment.

A LESS STRESS DIVORCE ? How will divorce affect you and your family legally, financially and otherwise? That greatly depends on your choice of divorce process. If priorities include peacefully planning your future, controlling the transition, and promoting your children’s welfare, consider choosing neutral divorce mediation. Immediately, your mediator wants to hear your hopes, concerns and what you expect hot topics to be. Your neutral mediator can then calmly conduct struct...ured and constructive conversations with you and your divorcing-partner. To get to constructive talk, your mediator will 1st want to give you comfort; supply you with information about mediating and answer your questions. 2nd, you may bring a bundle of upsets to mediation. Identifying and embracing what may be emotional tensions almost always enables your mediator help you start resolving your now, planning your futures, and leaving dysfunction behind. To make a mutual commitment to mediate is to be ready to start a peacemaking, mediator-assisted, transitional divorce, one that looks at now and later. You and your divorce-partner are guided to become fully-informed decision-makers, factually and legally educated to fashion your futures to achieve win-win results. Your mediator will explain the steps you need to take and how to complete them. A successful divorce means choosing outcomes you can live with and that work. Attorney mediators do all the paper work required to obtain your judgment. The mediator you see will have heard commonly asked questions about divorce, its process, and the decisions you have to make. Attorney mediators, especially, will also know most of the answers. But only by mediating together can you find or explore what your real interests and key questions are. Then, by professional guidance, become fully informed to make decisions for meeting you and your family’s needs. In mediation, you create workable results, not regrets.

Spousal Support Considerations: The primary concept behind an award of spousal support is to assist a former mate in maintaining the standard of living enjoyed during the course of the marriage, and to assist that former mate in making a transition to the status of being self supporting. Factors of significant weight in determining amount and duration of support include: duration of marriage, need of the requesting party, ability to pay of paying party, marital standard of li...ving, income levels, ability to earn income of the supported party, level of education of the supported party, and an entire host of considerations which are outlined in California Family Code, Section 4320. Determining interim and final spousal support orders in terms of amount and duration can constitute one of the most complex considerations and decisions that a trial judge will be required to determine, or a lawyer to litigate. The body of law surrounding Section 4320 is vast and complex. Modifying support orders can be an even more daunting exercise.

Tips for Holiday Parenting Continued: 4. Plan to say what will Not change and what will be different. Children need the security of certainty, the continuation of what can be the same as before. 5. If asked, or appropriate, explain that to choose to divorce is an adult decision, that the children did nothing and have no responsibility for the divorce. ... 6. Tell your children that you will both go over and make the important parenting decisions together. (You can decide what those are sooner or later, but be clear what important means.)

Tips for Holiday Parenting: 1. Never forget: You and your former spouse are your children’s parents forever. 2. Do what it takes to prepare, and then tell them Together you are divorcing.... 3. Make sure your children know that each of you loves them, that each of you will support them and that you intend to make it as much as possible the same for them as it can be regardless that their parents will be living separately.

What is a Parenting Plan? One part is "physical custody", which means where the child lives and how the child spends his or her time. Think about activities, overnights, and day-to-day parental care opportunities. Joint physical custody means each parent has significant periods of time with the child so as to assure a child of frequent and continuing contact with both parents. Newport Divorce Attorney knows what questions to ask and how to get a parenting plan that works for you and your children. "Legal custody", means the right to make decisions promoting the health, education and welfare of your children. Be clear and specific about which decisions each parent can make on their own and which decisions must be made together.

Divorce Issues: Property- Community Property or Separate Property? All assets and debts are subject to dividing in a divorce. Community property is any asset (earnings, savings, acquisitions, etc.) or debt acquired during your marriage by the effort of either marriage partner. Pension, 401K, IRA and such retirement benefits, as well as other income replacement benefits may be all or partly community assets. Each spouse equally owns the community property assets and debts. Unless the parties agree differently, a court will divide these assets and debts equally between them. It takes creative and experienced counsel to foresee tax consequences and other reasons not merely to recommend slicing the community in two.

3. EMPATHY Perhaps the most important skill an ADR professional can learn is the ability to listen. After all, we were given two ears, but one mouth. Superficial surface listening isn’t sufficient; peacemaking skills require deep empathic listening. To help clients settle, you have to really understand the conflict. This requires more than just listening to words. You need to be sensitive to body language and non-verbal cues. You have to be prepared to dig deep to find out ...what is really motivating a client and what his or her interests truly are. She may be telling you that it is about the house or the best interests of the kids. But deep down, she may really be terrified or insecure about her future. In such a situation, no financial settlement can satisfy the client who is afraid until the fear is acknowledged and addressed. This may take some digging to find, but until you do, you won’t help clients to reach a lasting settlement. You need to listen with more than just your ears you need to also listen with your heart and soul. Remember that this isn’t just a legal process. It’s a human experience. Until we can enter the world our clients are experiencing, we are limited in what we can help them unlock for themselves. 4. FLEXIBILITY Because we are working with human beings, we need to be ready and open to the unexpected. People don’t fit into compartments. The process needs to have flexibility built in. Rigidity is the enemy of success where people are involved. I believe in people before process. While protocols and systems are truly important, the moment we allow them to drown out the needs of the clients, we miss the whole point of our service = to guide and help PEOPLE. We can keep our processes and protocols, without being afraid to modify when the needs of the clients dictate a change. 5. PRINCIPLES AND BOUNDARIES While it is important to be empathic and flexible, it is still important to have principles and boundaries, which we don’t compromise. The cardinal rule is to NEVER allow a client to compromise your neutrality. I also insist on clarity surrounding how clients can communicate with me out side of the process. While compassion and kindness are truly important, I am not a family member or friend. I am a professional who has been hired to do a job. I find I can do that job best when I maintain boundaries. Whenever you allow a boundary to be compromised, the case will almost always go south. There is no one size fits all in our peacemaking efforts, but the above tips have been designed to assist you in achieving results not regrets.,.. Bob Glasser

Frequently Asked Questions: What is a Divorce? It is a legal end to a marriage. Each party is restored to the status of single person. The process is begun by the first party to file a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. He or she will be known as the Petitioner. The other party, who may or may not file a Response paper, is known as the Respondent. Without the spouses creating agreements to resolve the issues arising from their divorce, the court will decide them.... What are Grounds for Divorce? The State of California is a no fault divorce state. You can have a divorce simply by swearing that irreconcilable differences have arisen in the marriage that have caused its irreparable breakdown. Other grounds for ending a marriage exist, but require proof. Your spouse cannot stop you from obtaining a divorce in California. http://newportdivorceattorney.com/faq.html

LET IT BE OR LET IT GO? THAT IS THE QUESTION .. Please click the link below for the full article. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/let-go-question-jann-glasser

FIVE TIPS FOR FAMILY LAW CONFLICT MANAGERS What commonly causes couples to choose to divorce in alternate dispute resolution (ADR)? That the best interests of their family will be protected and promoted is typical. Rather than resorting to win-lose litigation or court-combat decision-making, more and more couples are choosing ADR paths for peaceful, problem solving guidance instead. As peacemaking mediator or collaborative divorce professionals, our work is designed to cre...ate the best client-centered decisions, not externally directed outcomes. To help clients gain such outcomes, consider applying five tips for facilitating problem-solving conversations. Let me review two today. 1. PATIENCE To dissolve a marriage isn’t a race - Couples in divorce are usually in emotional crisis and often in a financial one. To reach agreements in a prompt time frame, just because they have decided to go their separate ways is unrealistic for them to expect. Let them know that. Also, avoid the temptation to allow them to cut to the chase. Until they are fully informed and ready to consider what could work, let us also not lead them to where we think the settlement is going. We could be wrong, and, more importantly, it’s the clients divorce. That means each of them needs to own the agreements they make. They are far more likely to be lasting. ADR professionals’ job is to help clients find their own best solutions. Arm twisting rarely results in a lasting settlement. But it can leave a terrible taste in the mouth of the person whose arm got twisted. A pressured or forced client may reach a settlement, but it is unlikely to be fully endorsed, satisfactory or make for a transformative outcome. More likely is resentment of the process and the content, the urge to revisit the agreement and reigniting the disputes. By exercising patience, you allow the couples’ decision-making process to proceed organically. Guide, inspire and motivate, but never hurry to results. 2. HUMILITY Remember: it’s their divorce not ours! Our task is to help guide people to their own, respectful outcomes. We are not the solution finders or the sages of wisdom. We shine light on problems, explore what may be answers with appropriate questions and help clients come to their own solutions. Sure, you naturally are motivated to seek solutions, but to show you have become personally invested in an outcome does your clients disserving. The best ideas come from my ADR clients, not me. Sometimes, I can be a brain stormer to stimulate clients to come up with as many ideas as possible, but it’s their job also to examine and reality check each of them. My most important task is fostering an environment where clients create their own options and find their own solutions. Being a facilitator not an external contributor or advocate of ideas or solutions is what brings post-session smiles to my face. Stay Tuned for tips 3-5!

HOW ABOUT THE COST OF DIVORCE MEDIATION? Orientation for Divorce Mediation including data gathering and Issue Identification is a flat rate of $350. The Orientation usually takes an hour and a half. Homework is then explained and assigned, and the next session scheduled. Sessions are at $450 per hour. Sessions are usually one and a half to two hours long, and are intensive. The time required for YOU to complete your mediation depends, for example, on how complex your particu...lar issues are, how much each spouse already knows about the facts, what feelings each of you may have about an issue, and how well you communicate. The total cost is usually about 40% of the cost of two attorneys negotiating a settlement, and far, far less than the cost if litigation is required to resolve issues.