GIVING THE TALK

Maybe you aren’t comfortable saying any these things to yourself. That’s ok. . You are still worthy and deserving of love. . Loving yourself isn’t a prerequisite for being able to receive love from others.... . And conversely, you needn’t be the recipient of someone else’s love to know that you are indeed lovable. . You get to decide how you want to engage with the concept of love (for yourself and others), on your own terms. . Yes, even on Valentine’s Day. . @harmonywillowstudio . #givingthetalk #selflove #valentines #love See more

You should feel safe and empowered to say no anytime you need - without shame, fear or guilt. . Sometimes the only boundary we’re able to articulate is no. And that’s ok! No is a very clear boundary, though it might feel uncomfortable to say aloud since many of us have been taught that no is a bad word. It isn’t. . From a young age, we’re taught to say yes to things we don’t want so that we can appease, comfort and please others. When we say yes but really want to... say no, we are prioritizing others above ourselves. Learning to say no is a critical tool in caring and advocating for our own emotional well-being. . People often push back against this concept by saying that it’s rude to simply say no without justifying it or being willing to reconsider. Yes, it’s helpful if we can explain our feelings - it can help deepen our understanding of and connection with one another, but it certainly shouldn’t be a requirement of saying no. . We often aren’t able to articulate our feelings (especially when tensions are high or we’re experiencing pressure from others), but that doesn’t negate the fact that we have them - and that they matter. . If you’re worried that saying no will harm your relationship, or that you ought to prioritize the relationship above your individual needs, pause and remember that any relationship worth fighting for should first and foremost prioritize your individual emotional and physical safety. . Next time you want to say no (to anything!), prioritize your needs and say no. If it feels challenging at first, keep trying. . Remember that no is a complete sentence. Period. . @quotesbychristie . #givingthetalk See more

What a shame! . Most of us carry shame about our bodies. Shame isn’t something that naturally occurs, it’s taught to us from birth, often inadvertently by loving caretakers who feel responsible for socializing us and teaching us the proper way of thinking about what our bodies are for and how to properly engage with them. . Shame is defined as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, wrong or foolish behavior.... . From the youngest ages, we are taught that it’s normal, acceptable and even expected to experience frequent pain, humiliation or distress for simply living in a body that does normal, natural bodily things. We’re taught to feel wrong for: taking pleasure in our bodies being a certain size or weight having unique features experiencing pain menstruating eating to satisfy our hunger experiencing depression or anxiety desiring/exploring sexuality not conforming to binary notions of gender or sex masturbating experiencing natural bodily functions surviving violence . We’re not just wasting time feeling dissatisfied with our bodies, we’re integrating those feelings of shame, humiliation, distress, guilt, pain, and fear into all different aspects of our lives. From how we talk about body image with friends, to fear around communicating with sexual partners, to the messages we impart to our children about their bodies; we’re perpetuating damaging patterns that further validate the normalcy of shame, all but ensuring that it sticks around. . What if instead of being complicit in perpetuating bodily shame, we actively worked to disrupt it? What if we made a conscious effort to think about our bodies as if they are normal and healthy? Challenged our friends to reassess their harmful narratives about their bodies? Encouraged our lovers to feel pride, confidence and beauty in their sexuality? Taught our children that bodies are beautiful, healthy, fascinating and a source of profound pleasure? . Shame needn’t be part of your relationship with your body. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s right. . @sasa_elebea . #givingthetalk #bodyneutrality #bodypositivity See more

Today we’re talking about pimples... down there. . Yes, you can get acne on every part of your body, including your vulva - it’s called Vulvar acne. It can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be scary. You should have been taught this! . Several factors contribute to the development of acne downtown:... . 1. Genes - Some people will simply be inclined toward vulvar acne regardless of anything they do. 2. Hormones - For some, acne will coincide with hormonal fluctuations - similar to acne on the face. 3. Moisture - Swimsuits, synthetic underwear and tight pants can contribute to poor ventilation that can trap bacteria in hair follicles, causing pores to clog. 4. Grooming - Shaving with a dull razor or one that is contaminated with bacteria can also cause pimple-like bumps. Make sure to change your blade weekly to ensure it’s sharp and clean. . Noticing a red bump on your vulva might put you on red alert. To distinguish between acne and other conditions, it’s helpful to consult with a healthcare provider. It might also be helpful to know that unlike acne, a herpes outbreak is often preceded by pain and sensitivity. . For most vulvar acne, gentle exfoliation and use of an acne-fighting wash can help clear things up. Be sure you only lather up the exterior of your vulva (not the inner labia), and avoid insertion of ANY cleaning products into the vagina. If the problem persists, see a dermatologist. Whatever you do, don’t pick at or pop the bumps - that makes them vulnerable to infection. . Bumps on your vulva are a common experience and don’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Learn your body’s patterns, what’s normal, and when you need to seek the help of a doctor. You deserve the best information and the best care! . @adamtots . #givingthetalk #bodypositivity #selfcare #vulva #acne #vaginal #vaginalhealth #knowyournormal #vulva #pimples #knownormal #bopo #bodyneutrality #bodyneutral #bodyliteracy See more

What if you’re just ready to stop? . Where along the way was it decided that sex can’t end without an orgasm? . Yes, orgasms are great, but they are not the only source of sexual pleasure. There are plenty of reasons why someone might want to be sexual and not not achieve orgasm, not want orgasm to define the end of a sexual encounter, or simply be ready for a sexual encounter to stop. All of these motivations are valid and all should be supported and respected within a healt...hy relationship. . Not all sex results in orgasm for several reasons, some empowering, some not: . Sexual stimulation can feel great in its own right You may not want your sexual interactions to be focused on the goal of orgasm and instead just want to experience pleasure It takes time to get to know your body and figure out how to achieve orgasm It can take time to become aroused and stimulated enough to orgasm during a sexual interaction Your partner(s) might not know how to help you achieve orgasm You’re nervous, embarrassed or uncomfortable, and your body isn’t relaxed enough to achieve orgasm It’s way past snack time . Some studies have found that up to 80% of people who identify as women have faked an orgasm. Though common, feeling the need to fake an orgasm is quite problematic. You shouldn’t need to fake anything in a healthy relationship - especially not your pleasure. . Your pleasure is uniquely your own experience. Don’t allow others to define how it should look or feel for you. Practice advocating for your pleasure and your boundaries - because you’re worth it. . @shrimpteeth . #givingthetalk . #givingthetalk #pleasure #bodypositivity #bodyneutrality #consent #healthyrelationships #communication #boundaries See more

It’s difficult to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships in a society that is profoundly unhealthy. . When white supremacy, systemic oppression and hatred run rampant, we need to talk honestly about what’s going on. We need to talk about our current reality, about the world that we believe is possible, and about our role in creating that world. . We need to talk about these things even if:... it feels scary or uncomfortable you have more questions than answers you think your kids are too young you’re not sure where to start . You don’t need to wait for the time to be right. Speak when you feel moved to speak. Be honest, direct and kind. Maintain an open mind and model your values: be compassionate and empathetic, demonstrate accountability and self-reflection. . What happens if we don’t talk? Well, more of the same - and that’s not an option. Nothing changes until we change. Talking helps bring change. . Check out these great accounts (and share your recommended resources in the comments below): @theconsciouskid @socialjusticeparenting @parentingispolitical . If you’re feeling a bit paralyzed or overwhelmed by the world right now, a talk with a loved one is a great idea. . @GivingTheTalk . #GivingTheTalk #allthetalks #2021 #healthyrelationships #talk #parenting #antiracism See more

If the concept of boundaries appeals to you but feels too formal, rude, or impractical, read on... . Boundaries are an essential tool for self-care and for growing healthy relationships. So what’s the problem? For many, the concept of creating and enforcing boundaries feels unrealistic because we’ve never truly been encouraged to articulate what we don’t want to do. . If learning about consent has made you think that boundaries are stilted formalities that don’t resonate wi...th how you experience or want to engage in relationships, you’ve been misled. If upon hearing someone’s request, your immediate (internal or external) response is one of resistance, perhaps along the lines of, I don’t have time for that!, No f***ing way is that going to happen!, or That’s a dealbreaker!, then allow your emotional reaction to be a helpful sign that that part of your life might benefit from a boundary! . Ever felt like you didn’t have the capacity to deal with: someone demanding that you text them back immediately? the expectation you’ll cook dinner every night? pressure to have sex without a condom? other people’s relationship drama? . Figure out what your personal version of ain’t got time for that s**t is, and whenever you feel it bubble up, consider whether establishing a boundary might be helpful. . Let’s stop believing that boundaries are a stilted formality and instead embrace them as a powerful tool for cultivating our relationships on our own terms - possibly even using our own terms! . @handsomegirldesigns . #GivingTheTalk #consent #boundaries #healthyrelationships #iwontdothat #no #consentculture #consentmatters See more

You can change your mind! . Sometimes we say yes to things that sound like a good idea... and then something changes. Maybe the reality wasn’t as fun as we imagined it would be. Maybe we got nervous or scared. Maybe we had doubts, a change of mood, our body didn’t cooperate, something just didn’t feel right, or any other reason that made us unenthusiastic or unsure about continuing. Well, I’ve got great news: you can change your mind! . You shouldn’t feel fear, guilt, shame..., or any negative emotion about changing your mind - you don’t owe anyone your body, your vulnerability or your sexuality. . You deserve to have the most pleasurable, safe and empowering experiences possible. To that end, you can change your mind for any reason and your new boundary must always be respected. . There should NEVER be a question about whether the people you chose to be sexual with will respect your boundaries - that should be a given! . Your voice matters in every interaction. Use it to create the best experience possible - even if that means changing your mind. . @GivingTheTalk . #givingthetalk #pleasure #knowNo #consent #boundaries #abuse #healthyrelationships #relationships #communication #respect #bodypositivity #selfesteem #confidence #consentissexy #consentismandatory #consentmatters See more

We all know how the talk goes down. Parents sweat, kids avert their eyes, it’s super awkward. You try your best and, eventually, you agree that it should end - hopefully with them knowing how babies are made...?! . In psychology, a social script is a series of behaviors, actions, and consequences that are expected in a particular situation. Just like a movie script, we all know how to behave during the talk - and what little we can expect of it - simply because of the c...ultural lore surrounding it, which is always cringeworthy, never good. In many ways, we might feel obligated to replicate a terrible social script for the talk because our past experiences and shared cultural references tell us that’s how it must be. . Being sex positive often means a willingness to reject things filed under the but it’s always been done this way script. From courtship to (a historical absence of) consent to sexual and bodily shame (need I continue?!), the ways we’ve been taught to navigate sexuality are seriously flawed - and our cultural lore around the talk is no different. . But you know what?! It doesn’t have to be that way! . Really. . Just like how we shouldn’t settle for a crappy relationship with our body, unhealthy relationships or unsatisfying or painful sex, we also shouldn’t settle for awkward, crappy, unhealthy, unsatisfying or painful talks about bodies, relationships, and sex. Just like how we deserve to cultivate our sexuality on our own terms, we also get to communicate about sexuality on our own terms - from an empowered, direct, comfortable, kind, informed and respectful place. . There are many effective strategies to make talks more comfortable, but trying something new can be challenging. In those moments, model your commitment to communicating through the discomfort - it’s one of the most important lessons you’ll ever teach them! . @GivingTheTalk . #givingthetalk #thetalk #awkward #noshame #shamefree #consent #parenting #sexualshame See more

This year, y’all spoke loud and clear! You wanted content about identity, consent, normalizing bodies, and honest advice about how to care for yourself and provide meaningful talks with those you love. You wanted information that’s validating, inclusive, honest, helpful, instructive, funny and direct. . I’m here for all of it. . Thank you for your support. Every like, share, re-post, comment and DM means so much to me; it’s a confirmation that the energy and love I put into m...y work is seen and appreciated. . Here’s to another year of sharing the information we all should have had access to a long time ago! . #givingthetalk #topnine #2020 See more