Shirin Peykar LMFT & Associates Inc.

Gaslighting is one of the cruelest things one can do to their partner. The goal is to invalidate someone’s experience, make them doubt their ability to see reality as it is. The purpose is to make someone lose their sense of perception and self-worth, placing the gaslighter in a more powerful position. It’s done over time by people (often with personality issues) using any tactic to maintain their power blatant lies, denial, using what’s important to the other or the other’s... insecurities as ammunition, inconsistencies in actions/words, projection, isolation, even throwing in positive behavior and praise once in a while to continue their partner’s perception of reality. Where there is an unequal power dynamic, and one is so important to the other that he/she doesn’t want to take any risk in losing them, gaslighting can become the dynamic in the relationship creating immense toxicity and abuse. It’s a way to deflect responsibility and to tear down the other with the goal of attaining full control. I encourage you to reflect on your role in such a dynamic or the possibility of entering this type of exchange with a partner. How much emphasis are you placing on keeping a relationship? Are you willing to lose everything except this person? Are you constantly second guessing yourself? Do you have the sense that you used to be a very different person- more confident, happier, relaxed? So how to avoid being gaslit: cultivation of an unwavering belief in your intuition is key. Practice living intuitively by placing an active effort on listening to your inner voice. Meditation helps create this space. Listen to what your body needs by scanning your body throughout the day Exercise? Sleep? Food? Play? Let go of your need to change others or win. We don’t need to prove that we aren’t what they see us as (crazy is a favorite of the gas lighters) unless we believe it ourselves. Anyone not aligned with your beliefs about you warrants you to move on instead of exerting energy in changing their view of you.

https://www.prevention.com//relationships/a31085838/reaso/