Stella Nova

As much as we might like to sometimes, we don't get to check our emotions at the office door. And actually that's a good thing: Emotions are at at the root of our ability to form productive working relationships, motivate ourselves and others, and tap into intuition that helps us get the job done well. Unfortunately as a culture, we don't do a great job with talking about emotion on the job. And it shows up in our experiences of burnout, perfectionism, procrastination, and d...ifficulties navigating conflict with our coworkers and managers. At its worst, it can manifest in workplace cultures that are aggressive (or passive aggressive), unhealthily competitive, intolerant of failure, and even abusive. The Rising Strong process isn't just for learning to navigate emotion in your personal life. It has very real implications for learning resilience to failures, setbacks, and challenges in your professional life as well. Pro Tip: If you're thinking of joining us for next week's workshop, consider asking your employer to cover your fee as a part of your professional development. Many of our previous attendees have been able to use employer funds to take advantage of this opportunity for personal AND professional growth! Sign up by visiting bit.ly/RisingStrong2021

We don't get to any of the good stuff in lifeauthenticity, intimacy, creativity, joywithout vulnerability. And that means learning to let go of our need to control everything (especially the scary stuff). Ugh, I know, I hate it too.... It never gets easy or comfortable, but we *do* get better at it with practice. If your goals for this year include: * deepening or strengthening your relationships * achieving bigger things in your professional life * building your confidence * coming back from a setback or a failure * developing a better relationship with yourself * finally getting around to doing that thing you've been putting off for months/years/decades Then getting comfortable with being UNcomfortable is almost certainly going to be part of your journey. If you want to learn how, I invite you to join our upcoming Rising Strong in 2021 Workshop, based on the work of Dr. Brené Brown! Learn more at bit.ly/RisingStrong2021 See more

We often talk about guilt and shame as though they are interchangeable, but there's an important difference between the two that we need to wrestle with when we're learning to bounce back from challenges and failures. Guilt is an emotional judgment of our actions and behaviorsI *did* something bad. Shame is an emotional judgment about ourselvesI *am* bad.... Guilt is painful, but it can be a prosocial emotion too. Healthy guilt leads us to repair harm we've caused (intentionally or unintentionally). It helps us to examine and change our behaviors when they're out of line with our value system. Shame, on the other hand, prompts us to withdraw and hide. It's connected to a whole host of unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to deal with the pain of seeing ourselves as unacceptable: We engage in blaming or picking fights. We overindulge in self-soothing behaviors like drinking or binge eating or sex. We put up a false front with the people we most want to connect with. Both guilt AND shame can cause problems in our lives if they're a part of our emotional landscape we're not able to recognize and navigate skillfully. Learning how they operate in our lives and our stories is one of the important topics we cover in our upcoming workshop, Rising Strong in 2021. Learn more and join us at bit.ly/RisingStrong 2021.

We all have stories that hold us back. Stories like, "I'm just not as smart as the people around me at work." "I'm too old to start my own business."... "I am too much for other people." These stories are always there in the background, but sometimes they come out in full force, like after we get a bad performance review, or see our much younger colleague get promoted ahead of us, or get ghosted by a friend. Ouch. We knew it. If only we'd been more perfect/toned it down/built a time machine we could have avoided all this pain. Our stories feel like fact, but in reality they're all about emotion. And learning to understand, explore, and get curious about the emotions and stories we're brining to the table is at the core of the Rising Strong process. If the idea of boiling down the whole Rising Strong process down to three simple steps sounds too good to be true, well, unfortunately it is. This isn't a formula, it's a blueprint for a complex process that requires learning a new set of skills. The good news is that these skills ARE learnable and practicable, if you're willing to be brave. Want to learn how? Join us Tuesday evenings this Winter starting 1/12! Learn more at bit.ly/RisingStrong2021. See more

OK, first thing's first: It's totally (really, truly) ok if you're not in a goal setting mood today. The new year is a completely arbitrary time for setting goals in ANY year, and whew we've just gotten through one hell of a tough one. So if the idea of setting goals right now is overwhelming or just plain annoying, please feel free to scroll on. Still here? Awesome. Lots of Stella Nova clients find that setting goals and creating plans can be a source of comfort and resilie...nce even in tough times. And the SMART goal setting process works for goals as complex as opening your own business, or as simple as drinking more water during the day. SMART goal setting helps us take a vague intention, like "Get better at self care," clarify it, and turn it into an actionable plan, like "Log off my work computer at 6 pm every day for the next three weeks (except if I have a presentation the next day)." SMART goals are: *Specific *Measurable *Achievable *Relevant *Time-Bound What intentions do you have going into January? How can you make them SMART?

From all of us at Stella Nova: Happy new year! Wishing you more of the good stuff in 2021.

We don't usually think of major life milestonesmoving to a new city, getting a big promotion, having a baby, getting engagedas sources of grief. So when we find ourselves feeing sadness, regret, FOMO, or loss in the midst of a life transition, it can be alarming and confusing. Wait, shouldn't I be *happy* right now? Isn't this *supposed to be* the most exciting time of my life?... What is *wrong* with me? Have I made a terrible mistake? Hint: Nothing's wrong with you. Grief is a normal part of growth, and it can show up in all of our major life changes and transitions. Even when you're taking a step down the path towards your best lived life, you're taking a step away from other possibilities. You're saying goodbye to the way things were, and also the way things could have been. Saying yes to a fulfilling, loving relationship means saying goodbye to the carefree independence of single life or the endless possibility of dating around. Choosing to move to the city of your dreams means saying goodbye to old routines and friendships as they were (even if you do stay in touch). Accepting a big promotion means leaving your comfort zone and the feeling of confidence and mastery you had in your old position. Creating space for grief is an important part of healthy transitions. You may find yourself experiencing grief in anticipation of a big change, or unexpectedly feeling sad or empty during. And sometimes grief is delayed, when the initial excitement of a new change or adventure wears off. If you are anticipating a big life change, or processing one that you've already gone through, therapy can help you sort through all the many pieces of your experiencefrom the surprisingly good to the unexpectedly bad. See more

The Control Box: Election Edition With less than a week until the election, we've been hearing a lot from clients about stress and worry about what's going to happen, so I wanted to share a tool that's been helping me. The control box is a tool to map out what's in your control and outside of your control in any stressful or difficult situation. By getting clear about what we can control, we can make clearer decisions about where to focus our energy. (I mapped out e...lection anxiety, but you can do this for any stressor or issue.) The things inside the boxstuff we can controlcall for action, choice, and often courage. The things that fall outside the boxstuff outside our controlcall for comfort, coping, and acceptance.* *Important note: Acceptance in this context DOES NOT mean liking something, condoning it, or being complicit in it. It DEFINITELY doesn't mean throwing your hands up helplessly and giving up. It simply means acknowledging the reality of the situation as it is right now without denial, minimizing, or overstating the situation. Paradoxically, acceptance can free us up to refocus our energy and attention on the things we CAN to do create change more effectively. What's one thing you can do to refocus on what's in your control this election season? #election2020 #selfcare #mentalhealth #electionseason #sftherapist #sftherapy #californiatherapy #womensmentalhealth #mindfulness See more

After a painful experience, most of us just want to move forward and get on with our lives. Unfortunately, we often find that our minds and our bodies aren’t cooperating with that plan.

Stella Nova is thrilled to welcome Dr. Rona Maglian to our team of therapists! Dr. Rona is a mind-body therapist, which means that she incorporates holistic techniques like mindfulness, movement, and yoga into more traditional, evidence-based talk therapy approaches. In addition to working with common mental health concerns like anxiety, stress, trauma, and depression, she has specialties in helping women manage chronic pain or adjust to a new medical diagnosis. She can al...so help you learn the tools you need to sleep soundly again (and who couldn't use more of that these days!) Dr. Rona has special expertise in Filipinx-American mental health and is committed to serving the needs of women of color, students and working professionals from immigrant families, and trans and nonbinary individuals. We're now scheduling intake appointments in advance of her start date on 10/29. If you're interested in learning more about Dr. Rona's services or scheduling an appointment, reach out to us at [email protected] today! See more

It's been a rough week - and we can all use some extra support sometimes. Our good friend and colleague Dr. Nida Mirza has been working on this great app full of practical resources for navigating stress, self-care, and the practical realities of living though a pandemic. You can check out COVID Coach for free! Download for iPhone/iPad: https://apps.apple.com/app/apple-store/id1504705038... Download for Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details See more

Personally, I'd reframe this as "signs that you struggle with setting boundaries" because boundaries are not something you're being graded on. But if some of these resonate with you, your boundaries probably need some attention! Boundary issues aren't a sign of poor character or weakness. Typically, they're related to the way we learned to get our needs for attention, affection, or even survival met when we were young. (Girls in particular are often taught to be helpful, unobtrusive, and pleasant even when it comes at the expense of their well-being.) But not addressing boundary issues can end up having a profound impact on our ability to get our needs met as adults in our relationships, families, friendships, and careers.

What do you think: Are you eager to get back into the therapy office? Or has the convenience of teletherapy won you over?

As therapists, we are often witnesses to the pain and grief our clients of color experience living in a society where racism continues to run deep and deadly. The Black community is feeling that anguish today, and the exhaustion of having to endure this same wound over and over again. #BlackLivesMatter.... Black mental health matters too. We cannot keep treating the symptoms of racialized trauma in individuals without also addressing the root cause. We stand in solidarity with those demanding justice for #GeorgeFloyd, #BreonnaTaylor, #AhmaudArbery, and all those whose lives were stolen by a system that allows racist violence to go unchecked and unpunished. See more

Stella Nova loves teachers! We currently have one open pro-bono slot reserved for a public school teacher or professor (K-college) who needs some extra support during this pandemic. We're offering up to twelve weeks of free video therapy sessions, with an option to continue at a reduced private pay rate afterwards if the need continues. Learn more about our services below and please send inquiries via email to [email protected].

Work from home got you down? We're here for you! At Stella Nova you can access high quality support and mental health care from home via our secure, HIPAA compliant video system. And with stress and anxiety running high outside and indoors, it's more important than ever that our clients have access to a great therapist nownot months or weeks down the road. We have availability right away to meet online with therapists like Dr. Alexis, who specializes in working with profess...ional women, 1st and 2nd generation immigrants, stress and anxiety management, relationships, women of color, confidence building and self-compassion. Short- and long-term services are available, with the option to transition to in-person therapy in our downtown SF offices when our office reopens. Contact us today at 415-859-1616 or [email protected] to schedule a free, 20-minute phone consultation to learn more.

Struggling to break a bad habit, like say... touching your face 20 times an hour? Researchers find that the simple act of tracking an automatic behavior you want to change can help you dramatically reduce its frequency. (According to Dr. Steven Hayes, 65-95% for as long as you keep it up - thanks for the tip!) Ready to give it a try? Get a piece of paper or your notes app and just make a mark every single time you touch your face (or whatever habit you're trying to break). Do it right away, don't just remember and write it down later. This is an easy way to build awareness in the moment and allow you to regain conscious control over something that's been automatic.

California's stay home order allows folks who are 60 and under, and healthy, to visit local parks and trails for exercise. Which is great news, because as long as you're observing appropriate social distancing protocols, getting outside can do wonders for your mental and physical health during this stressful period. Walk, drive, or bike to get there (public transit and rideshare is reserved for essential services), and make sure you maintain a six foot distance from others at all times. And as always, keep on washing your hands. I'll see you out there this weekend -- waving from a safe distance!