Chelsea Spagnola, MS, LMFT

Hope is just a phone call away. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you’re feeling hopeless.

Love and respect yourself enough to set boundaries If someone throws a fit because they don’t like your boundaries and limits, well, that’s all the more proof of how necessary that boundary was to set and is to maintain moving forward Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth... #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #boundaries #relationships

Along with anything and everything else you may be missing YOUR GRIEF IS VALID Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth... #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #grief #loss #mourning #selfcare #positivity #motivation

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing... #christmas #holiday #deckthehalls #family See more

Both are hard. Choose your hard wisely Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #relationships

You set a boundary with someone. You say you can’t attend their party. You say you can’t loan them money. You set your healthy boundarybut then the guilt starts setting in. You start ruminating about the effect of your boundary on this person & the effect on your relationship. You start to question your boundary & maybe even backtrack Sometimes, we feel so guilty that we break our own boundaries. We make exceptions. We spit out a slew of I’m sorrys. As soon as you set your b...oundary you may feel the other person’s disappointment, which causes your guilt to rise. You promise to rearrange your schedule so you can attend. You feel guilty & selfish for prioritizing you own needs over someone else’s In some families, boundaries are interpreted as disconnection, as disrespectful & as unloving, so boundaries feel scary & uncomfortable. This prompts people to push against our boundaries & say things like: I can’t believe you’d do this to me. Obviously, you don’t care about me. Your sister never misses a gathering. You’ve moved so far away, & now you can’t even make it to my party. I feel so lonely when you don’t call every day Setting boundaries can feel like we are rejecting others and being uncompassionate in their moment of need. In reality, maintaining successful boundaries kills resentment and nurtures our compassion for others Setting boundaries is a skill, which gets easier the more you practice. The more you practice, the less guilt & fear you’ll feel & the more accustomed people will become to your boundaries. Boundaries are your way of telling people how you would like to be treated & as you become more skilled at setting boundaries, you’ll find a huge shift in how people treat you

Sometimes the most upsetting and potentially damaging part of the traumatic event is not the trauma itself, but rather what did or did not happen afterwards Did the trauma survivor have a healthy support system? Did they feel safe and protected? Was there access to resources and healing outlets? Was their trama and traumatic response seen as being real, true and valid? Did they feel seen, heard and understood by the friends, family and professionals around them? What happens ...after a traumatic event is crucial to the survivors ability to process what has happened and begin their journey of healing and recovery Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing

It’s good advice to not give advice. I teach my clients to be their own therapist. Direct answers to specific questions make it too easy to short-circuit the process of helping clients do their own work & find their own solutions Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth

It is enough & so are you Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth

Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth... @selfcare4yu

Staying in a toxic relationship is never unconditional love. Healthy detachment can save your relationships and your life Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth

We can’t predict or control how others will respond to our assertive vulnerability, but expressing your thoughts, feelings & opinions is a way to honor and respect yourself & your experiences Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth... @mindfulmft

Just because you’re at peace doesn’t mean they’re not still toxic Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth #toxic #relationships

Just having survived your traumatic experience is more than enough Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth... @igototherapy

Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth #boundaries #anger

We may or may not know each other personally, but know that I am so incredibly proud of you Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth #boundaries

Setting clear personal boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring. Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around you If you often are made uncomfortable by others’ treatment of you, it may be time to reset these boundaries to a more secure level. Weak boundaries leave you vulnerable and likely to be taken for granted or even damaged by others. On the other hand, a heal...thy self-respect will produce boundaries which show you deserve to be treated well. They also will protect you from exploitative relationships and help you avoid getting too close to people who don’t have your best interests at heart Think about your current boundaries and ask: How much attention do people expect from you at a moment’s notice? Do you always make yourself available? (e.g. do you answer the phone no matter what’s going on?) How much praise and acceptance do you receive? Why are you popular with your friends? How do you feel after spending time with each friend or family member? Follow @scvmft on IG & FB for all things #mentalhealth #scvmft #valencia #scv #santaclarita #therapy #trauma #therapist #traumatherapist #mentalhealthawareness #feelings #emotions #ptsd #healing #selflove #selfcare #selfworth #boundaries