Lighthouse Counseling Services

I was doing domestic violence groups for quite a few years and one common thread kept coming up in all the intake stories. I would say roughly 75% of the intakes over 8 years had the same issue. It became predictable. Too much alcohol. No other drug was usually mentioned. Never serves us well. Somehow the wrong things tend to come out of our mouths. If you want to have successful relationships, don't over indulge.

There are 3 areas of communication. Facts, beliefs and feelings. You can share any of those 3. You can ask another to share theirs. Only one of those areas creates conflct. A persons opinion or beliefs. If you you want to deescalate an argument, move the conversation into the other areas. Try it next time things get heated. Talk about or ask about facts or feelings.

Always liked that one.

Just thinking back to one simple quote I used again in a session this week. Cloud and Townsend said some where, "If it's important enough for you to be hurt about it, it's important enough for you to talk about it." Great rule of thimb to prevent anger, bitterness, mind reading, indirect comminication and codependent issues.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24 NASB In 2003 psychologist Naomi Eisenberger found the same parts of the brain were affected by social rejection and physical hurt. "Being socially rejected triggered the same neural circuits that process physical injury, and translate it into the experience we call pain."

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph CampbellWe must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell

Working with couples I have noticed how often they get stuck in focusing on the past. Of course there is passed hurt and blame but not much ever gets fixed focusing on the past. One of the great joys as a therapist is watching couples move into how to fix the future.

If you avoid a task the chance of avoiding it again increases. The avoider has also given off subtle messages to himself. 1) It is acceptable behavior to avoid this again. 2) The task must be harder than it seems if I couldnt do it the first time. These messages only get stronger with each avoidance.

So glad to have Lee Ann and her son leading worship tonight at Celebrate Recovery. They have been gone for awhile. Join us. Be one of the visitors that come every week. There is a great testimony tonight. Check out our web site at Rancho.tv/cr for more info

I deal with many more clients(teens as well) who struggle with stress and anxiety. One tool I'd like to share is cognitive behavioral in nature. I encourage my clients to accept stress as an inevitable part of life. But, we do have a choice on what kind of stress we must deal with. We can either deal with the pressures of life and try and manage them(controllable stress) or avoid them(uncontrollable stress--that impending doom feeling). Avoiding the problems of life seems much worse to me.

Progress is impossible without change. Change is impossible without loss. God cant put something new in your hands if they're already full.