Evie Shafner, LMFT

Repost @peaceful_barb. Such a great reminder that we teach people how to treat us by what we allow and by our boundaries with others. The more growth we have done, the less we allow for those who de-value us and don’t acknowledge our worth. The great Maya Angelou said, When people show you who they are believe them. Listen to your intuition when people don't hear you, don't see you, and don't respect you, because they actually don’t value you. They’re not interested ...or curious about you and what could cause your reaction, life is about them, and how it is impacting their life. What’s going on with you is not on their radar. What we think, say, and do matters. Believe wholeheartedly that you matter. So find a way to communicate your feelings and thoughts with the other person, and if they refuse to acknowledge that you matter, maybe it's time to move on. You deserve the love, kindness, and respect as much as anyone else. Never settle for anything less.

Repost @simoncholland. There is folding towels and then there is the RIGHT way to fold towels. #marriage Teamwork makes the dream work.

We've all heard the saying that familiarity breeds contempt; it's sure not something we'd like to apply to our marriage and relationships. However, my guess is you've never been in a pandemic with your partner before. Staying at home, living together, working together, day and night, with most likely tons of fear and uncertainty as the sky has been falling. What do we do when we feel irritated and triggered by our partner as we traverse these unknown times? As my couples wil...l tell you, one of the things I'm big on is getting couples to a place of zero tolerance for expressing irritation with each other. What does zero tolerance look like in a relationship? Read my full article below for Imago Relationships to find out! If your relationship needs a quick tune up, visit me at www.evieshafner.com for more info on couples therapy. Now seeing couples nationwide virtually!

#Repost @beverlyhillsreiki This is so important! Energy collects in our bodies and when suppressed creates disease(s). Make sure you are taking time to feel and connect with your physical body and feelings.

Getting through the knothole to the other side of tragedy isnt always pretty. Sometimes its messy. But it doesnt mean we shouldn’t try. We got this guys. It may look messy right now but I have faith in each and every one of you. There is always chaos before a big change. Don’t give up. Xoxo

Repost @yung_pueblo. Find a partner who wants to do the work. Who wants to grow with you. Who wants to grow together. And who is ready to commit to the everyday work it takes to make a relationship thrive. Do not settle for anything less.

Repost @imago_relationships. Creating a safe space in your relationship for both partners to feel heard and to be able to speak their truth is really where the sweet spot lies.

Repost @risingwoman. Food for thought. Protect your energy. You have permission to be discerning, say no, and honor your need for space, rest and peace. The entitlement of others is none of your concern. You can change directions in relationship even if a dynamic has been deeply engrained.... Just because you allowed it for too long doesn’t mean it’s the rule. . @sheleanaaiyana

#Repost @hopeafterdivorce We forgive for ourselves, not for others. We forgive to allow ourselves to move on and find happiness again. We forgive not because they have apologized but because we are worthy of a fresh start. The hardest part is when we don’t get that apology and we have to dig deep to find the strength to move on anyway. Forgiveness is a healing act of self love and preservation. ... and your strength is a beautiful thing. They may never say I'm sorry. He...al anyway. They may never ask for forgiveness. Forgive, anyway. Forgiveness does not mean you've forgotten or that they're innocent. It just means you're strong enough to move forward, release your hurt, and let go. It might a long time for you to forgive them. Just don't let the grudges you've been holding on to destroy you. Work on your healing.... even if it's just for you. Quote: Unknown @hopeafterdivorce

Repost @tanksgoodnews. Keep watering your seeds. Have patience and trust in the process. We are all just doing the best we can right now. Xoxo

Repost @the.holistic.psychologist. This can be easier said then done. But when done, it can be very liberating. To finally let go of all the stories you have been told about yourself that are not true can set you free. Our time hiding from our own shadows has us lost, confused, + angry. Ancestral generational trauma is expressing (in a noisy way if you’ve been observing) itself to be healed.... My intention is for this book to allow people to know the truth of who they are. My intention is for people to understand their behaviors are protections, their cycles are patterns they can unlearn, + their true nature is happy, abundant, loving, + free. We are awakening to this truth #selfhealers

Waiting to hear the three magic words from a new partner? I recently wrote an article for Imago Relationships about the right time to say "I love you" and why waiting is sometimes a good idea. "It's very normal to want to see if your relationship is on track and follow the typical trajectory. Match.com studied when most couples did utter those famous three words, and 5- 6 months was the average time. It's so important not to make a story out of it, and start push...ing and pulling to make someone say it to you. Each great love story has its own just-right unfolding. Please, allow your journey the time needed to unfold just as it should. Be present and enjoy every single step and moment along the way!" Read the fill article using link in bio! If your relationship needs a little fine tuning, or you just need a safe space to be heard, don't hesitate to reach out, mental health is just as important as physical health, especially during these times. You can find me at www.evieshafner.com. xoxo See more

This really spoke to me tonight. Life is about putting in the extra work in those moments when we don’t want to. Once we lean into life’s challenges and understand that we will be tested daily, we can start to see which hard we really need to choose. There is no easy in life but hard work does pay off. Next time you are faced with a decision, ask yourself, which hard will lead to something that will move the dial forward towards your goals. Some of these hards are actually just dressed up as fear. Always choose the actual hard choice, not the one that we often pick when we let fear choose for us. Photo credit @doctorrandall

‘Tis the season. #sorrynotsorry #buttheysmellsogood #priorities

Repost @nate_postlethwait. One of the most beautiful posts I’ve read in a while. Cycle breakers are the true heroes. If you are one, I salute you. The deep work it takes to break generations of disfunction cannot be understated. The change begins with you. My most liked and most shared post: I don’t feel we talk enough about the costs of what it means to be a cycle breaker. Certainly it is a brave act, but it’s often not a choice. Many were born into such severe ...generational trauma, that being a cycle breaker was the only option for survival. This comes at a significant cost. These are people who see life from a different level, because they’ve had no choice but to sacrifice what normalcy would look like to many, all in order to heal their pain. They have little tolerance for inauthenticity, they crave clear and in-depth communication, and they connect on in-depth levels because of what they’ve seen. They often feel they don’t belong because they have life experience that could seem too heavy to others. To the many cycle breakers out there, we are building a community that honors, respects, and educates. We know what it’s cost you. We never want to underestimate that, and want to thank you for being anchors in a community where our voices and stories are finally being told. Damn proud of you. You’re here. You did it. Who is a cycle breaker? Drop a if this is you. See more

Repost @sanjose_therapist. Love love love!!! This is so important. SO. IMPORTANT. Mental health is as important as physical health. Its time we build support systems to lift this up and make it accessible for all with no stigma. Especially during this time. If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out. You will find a safe space to land here. Xoxo Let’s remove the stigma around seeking professional help for your mental health! #mentalhealthawareness : @dr.christi...na_ #therapist #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #therapy #counselor #minoritymentalhealth #mft #mentalhealthcounseling #couplescounseling #couplestherapy #familytherapy #gottmanrelationshipblog #anxietyrelief #anxiety

Happy National Coming Out Day! This is a safe space, should you need it.

Repost @createthelove. How can other people value you, if YOU don't value you? Such a simple concept but it is really at the core of everything we do in life. You attract what you feel you deserve. Its that simple. A lot of us are terrified to actually ask for what we want and need. When it comes to life, love and our careers, we often don’t believe we’re worthy of having our needs met. If we aren't declaring our needs in our relationship, we often aren't declaring the...m at work either. It's no surprise then that we find ourselves overworked and undervalued at both home and at work. Asking for what we need is necessary for romantic relationships, friendships AND work relationships. Too many of us play small because we don't want to ask for 'too much' at work. The thing is, research shows that managers value employees that know their worth the most. How can other people value you, if YOU don't value you? See more

Repost @gabbybernstein. In this very uncertain and unsettling time, it can feel like all storms are bad storms. The reality is, some are here to clear a path for the beauty that is just ahead for us. Trust in the process. Sometimes we need to clear out what is not working for us in order to make room for what is our perfect fit. Stay the course.

Repost @cleowade. Just a reminder that we are all masterpieces that are in a constant state of design. There is great freedom in this idea that we can redesign ourselves and our life at any moment. Xoxo Your life.