Headline

How exciting is Joe Biden? About as exciting as a bowl of stale Shredded Wheat without milk. But he does check one key box for us: He's not a vile-spitting, orange-stained blob of hate and insecurity. And you know what? That's good enough. https://www.headlineshirts.net/biden-2020-good-enough-t-shi #demconvention #dnc #joebiden #biden #biden2020 #trump #graphictee #liberal #bernie #obama #michelleobama

Calling all able-bodied Karens and whatever the male equivalent of Karens are called! Uncle Sam wants YOU... to stop bitching and put a damn mask on. Please leave the Wal-Mart, fitness center, or city council meeting that you are currently disrupting, run straight home, and don't come out until you're ready to stop ruining it for everyone. Ol' Unkie Sam guarantees you that wearing a mask is NOT part of some liberal socialist mind-control experiment. And if it is, he'll buy you a Coke! Cool? Thanks. NEW ON-DEMAND TEE, OUT NOW: https://www.headlineshirts.net/listen-to-your-uncle-t-shirt

FACT: Wearing a mask does NOT make you part of a Communist mind-control experiment. It's actually whatever the opposite of that is. Our masks are made in the USA, and even Abraham Lincoln wore them. Or at least, he would have. We're pretty sure of that. #stayhome #staysafe #facemasks

Look, we get it. Going commando for your Zoom meetings was fun at first. Maybe even a little dangerous. But it's a slippery slope to slobville. Next time, try a pair of our super-comfy new joggers! (Don't let the name fool you. Even though you can, most people don't use them for jogging.) It may be too late to save ol' "Pantless Putin" over here. But the rest of us can maintain a little dignity while staying comfy. (We said *a little* dignity.) https://www.headlineshirts.net/instantsearchplus/result/ #zoom #pantsoffdanceoff #winniethepooh #sweatpants #comfy #hedonist #420 #whiskeyandyoga

Sure didn't think we'd be saying this back in January, but... we've got face masks! Save the DIY project for another time and check out these ultra-soft non-medical masks made in the USA. A 3-pack in assorted colors is just $25. https://www.headlineshirts.net/face-mask-3-pack.html #staysafe #stayhome #washyourhandsandignorethepresident #facemasks

HEADLINE would like to make the following clarification in regards to yesterday’s post: Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should catnip be administered into the human body, through injection, ingestion or any other route. We apologize for any confusion our spokescat may have caused. He needs a nap, and will no longer be running our daily briefings. https://www.headlineshirts.net/hunter-s-tomcat-t-shirt.html

We had two bags of catnip, seventy-five pellets of Fancy Feast, five balls of yarn, a salt shaker full of tuna flakes, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored plush toys, wobble mice, teasers, danglers, scratchers, and indoor cat grass. Not that we needed all that for Caturday, but once you get locked into a serious feline-accessory collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. https://www.headlineshirts.net/hunter-s-tomcat-t-shirt.html... #caturday #catsofinstagram #catsofig #meow See more

Celebrities love us too! #subliminalmessages https://www.headlineshirts.net/instantsearchplus/result/ #dumptrump #donnotinjectdisinfectant #donotdrinkdosinfectant #sorryaboutourpresident #staysafe #staysmart #commonsense2020

Social Distance Stars & Stripes We're not saying we should scrap the current flag (don't worry, Uncle Jim). Just suggesting we update it for the time being, with some helpful reminders. Think of it like an NFL team wearing one of those cool alternate jerseys for a big game. #starsandstripes #socialdistancing #washyourhands #maskup

Happy 4/20! If a pot leaf is smoking a bong, is that cannibalism? Seems like a great day to deeply consider just such a question. Oh, and you know what else is great for deep thinking? Sweatpants! We've got 'em now. https://www.headlineshirts.net/its-four-twenty-somewhere-sw... #420 #deepthoughts #comfy #sweatpants # #legalizeit #quarantineoutfit

He was caught In the middle of a virus attack (FAU-CI) He looked round But his boss was a dumb orange quack... (FAU-CI) His mind raced And he thought what should I do (FAU-CI) And he knew There was no time, no time to lose (FAU-CI) Shelter in place Now that's a good start Let's all keep our buns Six feet apart You've been...FAUCISTRUCK! #fauci #faucistruck #drfauci #dumptrump #science https://www.headlineshirts.net/fauci-t-shirt.html