Caroline Kurkcuoglu LMFT

Maintaining a loving relationship requires frequent action and expressions towards your partner. It’s the small things that we do to one another on a daily basis that are key for positive and lasting relationships. Dr. John and Julie Gottman (The Gottman Institute) have created this list which I use with my couples in my work. What are some more small ways you give affirmations to your partner?

Hello all Today I want to share some tips and reminders about how we can manage and treat long-term anxiety. For those who suffer from chronic anxiety, it is crucial to introduce certain practices into daily life and keep these practices going. This way, we can become successful at managing our anxiety, instead of having it take over our days. Relaxation techniques: Knowing how to release muscle tension is very helpful. These include abdominal breathing and meditation. ... Dietary adjustments: Magnesium helps muscle tissue to relax, and a magnesium deficiency can contribute to anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Inadequate intake of vitamin B and calcium can also worsen anxiety symptoms. Make sure your daily diet includes foods such as whole grain cereals, leafy green vegetables, and low-fat dairy products. Learning to be assertive: Communicating your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest way, without intentionally hurting anyone’s feelings. Structured problem solving: learning how to break down a problem into its different components and then decide on a course of action is a valuable skill that can help manage anxiety. See more

Traumatic experiences can be transmitted physiologically, socially, and environmentally. There are various ways parents can pass down their trauma symptoms to their children: Parents may relive traumatic events, become emotionally detached and numb, or even experience dissociative episodes in which they become detached from reality. These symptoms can disrupt the child’s ability to develop a reasonable sense of safety and predictability in the world. Parents affected by ...trauma may be less able to respond optimally during usual developmental crises. Parents suffering from PTSD may have difficulty modeling a healthy sense of independence, appropriate self-soothing mechanisms & emotional regulation, and maintaining a balanced perspective when life challenges arise. Parents may model catastrophic or inappropriately numbed and emotionally disconnected responses. The key point to remember: a traumatic event doesn’t necessarily have to happen to us directly in order for us to feel its effects.

Continuing our discussion on intergenerational trauma, I want to share some key information about how we can look for signs of this trauma in our lives. Individuals have varying reactions to traumatic events and oftentimes do not realize the impact of the event. Symptoms of intergenerational trauma can vary depending on the events that families have experienced and can be physical, emotional, or behavioral. It is important to note that sometimes symptoms of intergenerational trauma can be mistaken for other disorders. Therefore, accurate assessment and treatment of these symptoms is crucial to the healing process.

As a trauma specialist, the concept of intergenerational trauma is extremely important and valuable to me. The idea of intergenerational trauma was first recognized around the 1960s, as psychologists began to study children & grandchildren of Holocaust survivors. Researchers observed that the effects of trauma can be transferred from one generation to the next. Trauma can be passed down behaviorally, as a child of someone who suffers from PTSD could learn and internalize ce...rtain ways of thinking from their parents. In addition, there is evidence that trauma can alter people’s genes, and so the genetic variations could be passed down between generations, predisposing the recipients to be sensitive to traumas. The first step to healing this kind of trauma is to understand your own triggers and symptoms; the nature of intergenerational and historical trauma means these are probably different for every person. This sort of work can be done with a mental health professional, and can lead to the beginning of a healing journey to break the trauma cycle for the coming generations.

Saying no is a difficult concept for many of us that never learned it growing up, but setting boundaries is something that we have to learn and practice. In our relationships, we may overextend ourselves because we want to please others, but it may be at the expense of our own energy. I encourage you to reflect on your tendencies let’s find a balance between giving and being true to ourselves.... . . . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #carolinekurktherapy See more

The foundations of self-esteem are laid early in life with parent-child attachments. This occurs when children feel loved and accepted by people they look up to. Young children's self-esteem is largely based on their perceptions of how the important adults in their lives judge them. As parents, we want our children to have a healthy sense of self-esteem. To achieve this, let’s consider that parents and other adults play a very important role in determining a child’s feelin...gs about themselves. . . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #carolinekurktherapy See more

Do you ever find it difficult to trust yourself, even when time and time again you’ve proven you’re more than capable? This lack of trust can fill you with fear and anxiety of failing and keep you from achieving your deepest desires. This lack of trust can stop us from believing we are capable of making the right decisions; and as a result, we may lean on others to make choices for us, or simply just fold into ourselves and not act at all. How about difficulty trusti...ng ourselves to overcome difficult life situations? When we do not trust ourselves (despite overwhelming evidence that we should) we also retreat and can stop ourselves from moving out of our comfort zones and reaching for what we want in life. So how do you overcome this lack of self trust? And if you do, what are the outcomes? -Next time you’re inclined to lean on others or to seek reassurance, look within and pretend you are the friend you need in that moment. If done enough times, with positive outcomes, you will start to believe in your instincts more often. -Even if you do fall or fail at something, remember that you still took a chance, and growth occurs often in our most difficult of situations. -Each time our negative inner voice makes you doubt yourself, combat that voice with a positive statement such as: ‘well, what if it DOES work out or what if I DO make myself proud. -Remember that your own path is unique, and not like anyone else’s. Be well . . . . . #carolinekurktherapy #mentalhealthmatters See more

These past few months have left me with a very heavy heart. It seems like each month has held its own unique and difficult circumstance for so many people around the world. In light of this past week’s event in particular, in Beirut, Lebanon, I feel that it is important to have a discussion. For those who currently experienced the explosion in Beirut, it may cause trauma for years to come. For many individuals who have grown up through war and conflict, hearing about this... event and seeing images/videos may have been triggering. And for those who have loved ones in areas of disarray right now all this applies as well. The trauma response is a fast working and instinctive evolutionary safety mechanism for our defense. When one is overwhelmed by something outside of their control, the primitive survival parts of our brain override the conscious rational parts of our brain. During a traumatic situation, our muscles tense, heart rate and respiration rate elevate, blood and oxygen is diverted to the muscles, adrenaline floods the body, all systems that are not crucial to our survival are shut down so that we can fight, flee or freeze. . Symptoms that we experience as a result of trauma can be an attempt to protect or heal: . Memory fragments are attempts to integrate old pains. Flashbacks and nightmares are a message to the survivor that they are ready to heal. These experiences can be attempts at bringing memories to consciousness so that they can be integrated by putting the memory into words. Integration is avoided and shut down by the protective parts of the brain out of fear that we will again become overwhelmed. Trauma causes victims to over adapt by keeping them in a hypervigilant state of constant fear of potential trauma. So, how can we manage traumatic stress? Ongoing therapy to facilitate discussions and to understand how to cope with the emotional impact of a traumatic event Communicate the experience with family or close friends Spend time with others to avoid becoming withdrawn, even if you don’t feel up to it- isolation may be harmful Be well . . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #carolinekurktherapy

Tired of hearing about COVID-19 yet? Yeah, me too But the reality is that all of us have been affected in many ways by the pandemic. It is important for us to consider how the situation has affected our mental health in particular, and what we can do to help ourselves and those close to us. We may experience daily anxiety and feel the threat of the virus every time we leave the house. When we watch TV or look at social media, we are constantly exposed to news about the... virus, hearing alarming future predictions, which adds to our stress. Too much time and close proximity with those we’re quarantined with can lead to strains on our relationships, and quarantining alone can lead to isolation. Research has shown that the effects of being quarantined include: Acute stress disorder Exhaustion Insomnia Post-traumatic stress Irritability Depression What can be done to reduce the harmful consequences of quarantine? Reduce boredom- Focus on things you enjoy to do, such as any hobbies. Since we spend more time at home, we can tackle small home improvement projects such as cleaning out closets, gardening, etc. Keep communication strong- Staying in touch with friends and family helps maintain healthy relationships and keep us sane. Texting, calling, and FaceTimes are great resources to keep us connected and reduce feelings of isolation. Create a routine (and stick to it!)- A lack of structure can make us feel unproductive and unmotivated. Following a routine will give us a better sense of structure, such as going to bed and waking up around the same time every day, exercise, chores, etc. . . . . . . #mentalhealthmatters #carolinekurktherapy See more