Abby Medcalf, PhD

I was lucky enough to be a guest on The Successful Mind #podcast with @DavidNeagle where we talked about the #1 problem in #relationships and the REAL reason relationships fail. https://ecs.page.link/oUNrK

You’ve likely heard the term, gaslighting but you might not be 100% sure what it means. Basically, gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone acts in a way that has you doubting yourself. They make you doubt your view on things, your memory and even your own judgment! If you often walk away from the conversation feeling like the crazy one you may be a casualty of gaslighting! Today I’m going to teach you the top 7 ways to know if you’re being manipulated by a gaslighter! And if you like this video, check out my YouTube channel where I’ve got tons of videos chock full of actionable tips and tools so you can have some quick wins and also start finding more ease, joy, and happiness in all your relationships! https://www.youtube.com/c/AbbyMedcalfThriving

This week we're talking about #regret on the #podcast and my 3-step process to stop regretting an unhappy past and start living in a happy now. Relationships Made Easy: Regret Sucks: The 3-Step Process to Make it Stop on Apple Podcasts https://ecs.page.link/DH2cb

Superman did it, but you can’t. The past is unchangeable. Period. End of story. The could’ve and should’ve clearly doesn’t help, but we do it anyway. What’s up with this destructive pattern and how do we change it? Today, I’m going to walk you through my 3-step process to stop regretting an unhappy past and start living in a happy now. https://ecs.page.link/DgnxN #Psychologist #RelationshipTherapist

Is it too late to save your relationship if your spouse wants a divorce? I’m one of those psychologists who always thinks there’s hope but in my over 30 years of experience, I’ve found four things, I call them the four C’s, that often spell the end of a relationship. If you have one or more of these, it might be too late to save your relationship. But, stay until the end because I’m also going to tell you the one thing you need to know, and the one thing you can do, to have the best chance of turning your relationship around. Watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-xFFqyE9bw&feature=youtu.be

Are you being codependent? The next time you’re not sure if you’re doing too much for someone else, I’d like you to ask yourself these four questions I posted. These filters will help you answer the question. The bottom line is that you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself first, before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone else. Work on these four areas and you’ll quickly find yourself happier in all your relationships. To learn more about codependency... and what to do about it, tap on @abbymedcalfthriving and click on the link in my bio. #codependentrelationship #enmeshment #doingtoomuch #coupleproblems #cyclebreakers #codependent #codependentnomore #codependency #couplescounseling #healthyboundaries #relationshipproblems #relationshiptips #emotionalhealing #therapysession #relationshiptips #boundaries #emotionalintelligence #mindsetshift #marriagegoals #relationshipadvice #relationshipsmadeeasy #bestrelationshipadvice #therapistsofinstagram #enabler #enablingbehavior #relationships #selfhelp #mentalhealth #therapy #peoplepleasing

Self-care is, above all else, paying attention to how you feel! You can exercise all day and get a mani/pedi every week but if you’re not feeling happier or calmer overall, what’s the point? All the physical self-care in the world won’t get you where you’re trying to go if you ignore your emotional self-care. If you’ve been struggling with figuring out how to create effective self-care, today's episode is for you. As always, I've got my top tips and a free gift to integrate all that learning! Listen to the full episode here: https://ecs.page.link/XakK8

One more time, it's all about the "here and now." Focus on learning to train your attention to the present moment. It's where your life is.

Shame is amazingly destructive and is eating at the foundation of your relationship in ways you likely don't realize. It's affecting everything from your sex life to your emotional closeness. Here I break down shame and tell you how to move past it! Check out the #blog: http://bit.ly/39bxi7y Or #podcast: https://ecs.page.link/4Qy7z

Does your partner want different things in the bedroom than you? Today I'm coming at you with my 3-step process for getting on the same page in the bedroom and beyond. And if you want more advice and actionable tips so you create ease, joy, and lasting change in all your relationships, check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/AbbyMedcalfThriving

Do you want a happier life full of ease and joy? Listening to the #RelationshipsMadeEasy podcast is a step in that direction! Find it here: https://ecs.page.link/HoSwy Or on Apple iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, or Stitcher.

Many have said it before me: Perfection is the enemy of good and great. Strive today to do your best and let that be enough. Move on to the next thing and let your awesomeness spread around instead of being contained in one "perfect" place.

Is your partner having a midlife crisis or are they just depressed? What can you do to really help them get out of their struggle and feel happy and sane? Here I outline all you need to know and give you my top 4 tips for how to help your partner through a midlife crisis. Check out the #blog: https://ecs.page.link/cdzsL Or #podcast: https://ecs.page.link/h6mMU... And don't forget to sign up for my newsletter (scroll down to the bottom of either link)!

In the over 30 years (damn I’m old) that I’ve been working with couples I’ve seen it all! And, sadly, the most consistent thing I’ve seen are the toxic relationship habits that people think are normal! Here’s the problem: you’re not realizing it because you’ve been taught that these things are the way things are supposed to be. Today I’m going to teach you the three things you should watch out for if you want to have an intimate, emotionally close relationship: one filled with joy, ease and connection. Watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTIu-yYe5gE&feature=youtu.be

Does your partner have that one family member you just can't stand? Do you dread hanging out with your partner's friends? When you fall in love with someone you get more than just that person because they come with a whole community of friends and family. If you’re lucky, you find that these are all your people too. However, in many cases, you find yourself surrounded by people you don’t like and wouldn’t choose to spend time with if it weren’t for your partner. Today I’m coming at you with the top 6 things to do if you don’t like your partner’s friends or family. Listen to the full episode here: https://ecs.page.link/jtHQz

We all have things we're ashamed of from our past. It's important to acknowledge these past actions and take ownership, but not wallow in them. Live your life as the person you are today, not the person you were last week or last year. #MotivationalQuotes #SelfLove #SelfCompassion

Our conscious minds process information at a rate of 50 bits per second while our unconscious minds process information at a rate of 11 million bits per second. This means that you are motivated and driven by your unconscious brain. Practicing mindfulness will help you start to notice these unconscious drives so you can begin to think rationally and use your conscious brain to problem-solve and make decisions. So, instead of thinking all men suck and then coincidentally meeting fear-based men over and over and proving yourself right. You’ll start to see that yes, some men suck, but there are actually a lot of great men (and other people) out there and you’ll start noticing these people. In this way, you create your own fate. :)

Keeping score in your relationship doesn't work because equal time doesn’t mean equal value. Here I teach you a new way to look at your relationship so you can start putting your focus where it needs to be to create a happy, connected relationship. Blog: https://ecs.page.link/1U16h Podcast: https://ecs.page.link/YyrJ1

One of the sticky areas of a romantic #relationship is when women treat their partners like their best friends. I wrote all about this for @YourTango. Check it out right here! Your Man is Not Your Girlfriend: Why You Need to Stop Over Sharing https://ecs.page.link/eRYbp

Your brain hates ambiguity and uncertainty so much that, whenever it experiences it, it’ll make up all kinds of stories and will fill in the blanks (no matter how wrong), just to feel more certain! To your brain, uncertainty equals danger. If your brain doesn’t know what’s around the corner, it can’t keep you safe and out of danger. When certainty is questioned, your lizard brain goes crazy, in an attempt to spur you to action and get you to safety. So how do you live with i...nsecurity as the only security, as John Allen Paulos says? The answer is to start your day with intention and practice mindfulness throughout the day. Plus, one of the best ways to be able to tolerate more uncertainty is to increase your optimism level. Raising your optimism set point to balance your negativity bias shifts your brain to a more neutral state that anticipates both positive and negative outcomes more evenly. Now you’ve got a different choice and a calmer brain. Check out my free Optimism Jumpstart Workshop right here: https://ecs.page.link/2DPaS See more

Great communication starts with great listening. There are five steps to being a great listener. Are you doing all of them? Check out the #blog: https://ecs.page.link/p1wY1 Or the #podcast: https://ecs.page.link/Cfe5z #relationships #relationshiptherapy #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #relationshipcounseling #findhappiness #lovingrelationships

Here we are in our last week of Goodbye Negative Thinking Month! For the last 2 weeks, I’ve been laying out the pillars of the Goodbye Negative Thinking Trinity: First, we discussed the importance of starting each day with positive momentum. Then last week I taught you the second pillar which was all about calibrating and being the dominant vibration in the room. Today, we’re going to discuss the last pillar of the Goodbye Negative Thinking Trinity, which helps you keep that positive momentum going ALL DAY LONG! AND I’ve got another free fabulous gift for you to make it easier than ever to stop your negative thinking! Listen to the full #podcast episode here: https://ecs.page.link/TvjPz

Are you in any relationship where you try to fix (or help) the other person consistently? Do you come up with lists and scenarios of what your sister or best friend should do to have a better life? Do you obsess (even a little) about your partner’s problems or how s/he is making you unhappy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s possible that you’re a wee bit codependent. Here’s the bottom line: You can feel compassion for someone else without having to a...ct on it. You can be there for another person without taking any action or saying anything. Often the best help you can be is one of supportive silence. Ask questions to help the other person clarify their situation and create healthy solutions, but don’t fix it for them. Don’t offer advice or make suggestions. Let them find their way. When you do something for someone else that they could do for themselves, you’re not helping them, you’re hindering them. This concept is hard for many of us. As parents, spouses, sons and daughters we can take on roles that have us thinking of other people’s wants and needs before our own. Allowing others to face natural consequences is an important part of being in a healthy relationship.

There are 4 #mindsets that can really jeopardize a #relationship. Check out my article for @YourTango to learn what they are and what to do to stop them. Once THESE 4 Mindsets Creep In, Your Relationship Is In BIG Trouble https://ecs.page.link/oZC7s

So many struggle with positive thinking, and for good reason. But what if I told you the secret to positive thinking that's changed my life and the lives of thousands of people that I've worked with over the years? Check it out right here! Here's the FREE Calibration Exercise I mention in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wtDzbxzQIs&t=3s

Great activity ideas for the whole family to create new memories and foster connection as we head into the holiday season this year. Thanks, The Gottman Institute!

Why do you have negative thoughts to begin with? Swipe through to learn how and why you’re hard-wired to focus on the bad stuff. Then head to my website to learn how to stop negative thinking, how to start positive thinking, how to avoid the mistakes you’ve likely made in the past when you’ve tried affirmations and thinking positive thoughts, what the steps are for living happily in your now and how to make these changes and keep them for the long haul (and, of course, I’ll show you all the research to back it up). I’ve got tons of stuff right here: https://abbymedcalf.com/blog/ Get ready to say goodbye to the negative thinking treadmill and hello to a welcome cycle of happiness and peace!

Love this from Esther Perel!

Check out the Relationships Made Easy podcast here: https://ecs.page.link/HoSwy Or on Apple iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, or Stitcher.

A while ago a client--we'll call her Julia--came to my office (pre-COVID) struggling with regrets. She’d been making some bad decisions in her relationship which culminated in a weekend affair on a business trip. Her husband found out and asked her to leave their home and said he wanted a divorce. She was filled with remorse and harsh words for herself. I’m so stupid! What the hell is wrong with me? I really don’t know what I was thinking! Julia shared that she’d been dis...Continue reading