Tracey David, MFT

Our feelings are forces. What does this mean? Jump into this visual with me. Imagine your feelings as messengers who have extremely critical information and w...ho are very determined to share their message with others. It’s as if you had a piece of data you had to deliver to your best friend for her own well-being. Think about how driven you’d be to deliver this information. Imagine your urgency, your seriousness, your desperation if you hit road blocks. Now, imagine how you’d feel if you ran to her house and she ignored you. If she slammed the door in your face. Imagine if she sent you to a room to be alone; I know for me, I’d escalate - I maybe would even knock down the door or try to climb out the window, driven by this frantic energy to be heard and seen and maybe even appreciated. Our feelings are messengers with important information and they are emboldened with a forcefulness to get their message across. And us? Well, we are the intended recipient of this information - and if we cannot look inside and greet our feelings with acknowledgement and permission, then our feelings need to up their game and jump out of our bodies to get recognition. And how does this apply to our kids? Feelings and urges and sensations are what drive behaviors; under a behavior there is always a messenger that was overwhelmed and alone. We cannot shut down feelings; we don’t get rid of them. Either we recognize feelings in our kids and work to rebuild regulation skills or our kids’ feelings exit their body and emerge on the surface as dysregulated behaviors. Think now about something your child struggles with - a difficult behavior. What feelings are underneath that need recognition? What can you allow today - while of course still holding a boundary around the behavioral expression of that feeling? For more support to help manage your child's dysregulated behaviors - tune into the second episode of my podcast "Good Inside" where I talk all things tantrums.

The power of hope.