Fiachra Figs O'Sullivan Couples Counseling

One bit of advice that has emerged from the last 50 years of the personal development movement is to ask for our needs to be met. As a therapist, this drives me... crazy. Of course, it’s not the asking that’s bad. It’s the how of it that mucks it all up. Because in the very moment you’re inspired to ask another to adjust their way of being in the world, you are probably behaving in a threatened/threatening way that is not easy to hear or empathize with. You are more likely to make things worse. How do you communicate a desire for change? Start by sharing your experience. Continue reading here: https://media.empathi.com/stop-asking-for-your-needs/

We have spent the last 6 years doing the bifurcated sleep thing. Basically having two separate sleep periods per night. It really worked for us... until it stop...ped working for us. It was awesome while our first sleep, we would all go to bed together as a family around 8pm, felt more like a long and nourishing nap. Then Teale and I would get up around 10pm, clean the kitchen, fold laundry, have a chat, watch a show, and often wrestle. Teale is a great wrestler. She is relentless and always wins. Then around midnight, we would go back to bed and sleep till 7am. But over time our first sleep started to feel more like our deepest sleep. I was staying asleep longer and feeling more and more groggy getting up at 11pm. Then staying up till 2 in the morning. So, as is true in life in so many ways, it was working until it wasn’t working. Oh well. So we are 3 days into switching it up. We now still all go to bed together as a family around 8pm. Teale and I sleep through the night. Yes, a bit of restlessness around midnight. But then we have been getting up together at 5:30am and working on creative projects together. We are about to relaunch our podcast. It is so great to have an alert and uninterrupted hour or so in the morning to collaborate before the kids get up. So I think this early rising thing is a winner...until maybe this too will cease to work. Then we will have to change it up again.

Your relationship is a major source of comfort right now. Right?

My latest podcast interview. Check it out. I really like this one.

Are you married? Engaged? Or hope to be married one day? If so, you'll definitely want to check out the latest episode of The Less Stressed Life Podcast. I had ...an awesome conversation with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and creator of the Empathi method, Figs O'Sullivan (how fun is that name!?) about the ups and downs and ins and outs of making marriage work, how to fight, and how to better understand your spouse. No matter where you are in your stage of a relationship, you'll walk away from this episode with something new that you can start applying in your relationship TODAY. You can find the podcast at bit.ly/lessstressedlife

I don’t care about people saying sorry. Sorry is just the cherry on the cake. And don’t you hate those plastic red cherries, aren’t they disgusting? They don’t even taste good! Instead of the cherry, what we need is the cake. The cake is the empathic experience. An empathic experience is when the person who has been hurt can share their emotional vulnerability and feel truly received by their partner. And their partner, upon hearing this pain, feels it in their own body almost as if it is happening to themselves at that moment.

Your worst fights you have with your partner are because you love them so much and they love you so much too. And the fight is just this crazy miscommunication of all the reactive things you do and your partner does to protect themselves in the moments when you’re hurting so much. #relationshipadvice #feelbetter #mindfulness #mentalhealth #couplestherapy #connection #relationshiptips

Please surrender to who you are. You need love. You need to be connected. It’s not a weakness, it’s not needy.

The best place I know to learn how to be empathic is within an intimate relationship. #relationshipadvice #feelbetter #mindfulness #mentalhealth #couplestherapy #connection #relationship #inspiration #transform

Stop being mean to yourself when you’re hurting in love and scared that someone’s not going to be there for you. #relationshipadvice #feelbetter #mindfulness #mentalhealth #couplestherapy #relationship #connection #inspiration #love #transform #relationshiptips

I’m constantly blown away by the emotional intelligence of men when given the space and time. #relationshipadvice #mindfulness #mentalhealth #couplestherapy #relationship #connection

The very thing the couple sees as the problem is actually the solution. The reason you’re fighting is not that your relationship is bad. It’s because you guys are so important to each other. The most vulnerable part inside of you is not a weak part, it’s not a needy part, it’s the best part of who you are. It’s lovable, it deserves love, and it’s the same for every person on this planet. #relationshipadvice #mentalhealth #couplestherapy #relationshiptips

The hardest part is just getting people on the same team to see that they have a common enemy, the negative system that they get in together. It’s not you’re bad or i’m bad. It’s both of us and it only happens because we love each other so much. #relationshipadvice #mindfulness #feelbetter #couplestherapy #mentalhealth #love

I find that even within or after the first session, the vast majority of couples start to feel better. Within a few sessions, couples are holding each other and crying and loving each other and soothing and comforting each other, where just a few weeks before that, they were competing to tell me how rotten the other was! #relationshipadvice #mindfulness #mentalhealth #love #transform #feelbetter