Susan Zinn

Sometimes we follow beliefs that don’t serve our happiness, but have become an inescapable way of life. What is holding you back from making commitments in your life? Our pasts do not have to define our present or future. You get to choose. Xx Susan

Why do we ignore red flags? It usually comes down to one of six reasons. Often several, if not all, are played out at the same time. Infatuation That wonderful euphoric feeling you get when you fall in lust or love is the result of a flood of hormones released by your body. It is a natural high, activated by the pleasure center in your brain, but it can also cloud your judgment. These powerful chemicals create an intense attraction that is hard to resist and they help t...o bond you to a new partner making it hard to see red flags. We move too quickly When your brain is highjacked by love and pleasure hormones lasts for about six to twelve months. If you intertwine your life with your new partner while these chemicals are flooding your brain, it becomes even harder to acknowledge the red flags. Denial can be a powerful force and you may unconsciously not want to see the warning signs. Dating for a full year before making any of these significant life changes can help you spot red flags. Were stuck in wishful thinking You want it to work so badly or you think your partner will change so you disregard the red flags. In this case, your fantasy of what the relationship is or could be prevents you from seeing things as they really are. We don't trust ourselves. One of the biggest reasons for missing red flags is that we don't trust our own judgment. Even when you have concrete evidence that your partner or relationship is dysfunctional, you might tell yourself that you're overreacting or focusing only on the negatives. When you do this, you're betraying yourself and what you know to be true. The red flags seem minor Minimizing red flags is another form of self-betrayal. When you're in love or want to think the best of someone, you'll make excuses for their harmful behavior. It's important to notice red flags even if they seem small, especially if they are part of a pattern of disrespectful, hurtful behavior or unhealthy patterns in the relationship. You might find it helpful to create your own individualized list of relationship red flags to help you gain even more awareness of your relationship patterns. See more

As a therapist, so much of my job is about teaching people communication skills to help repair mistakes and missteps in relationships. So why did I did I post this dating tip about believing patterns not apologizes? It is important to recognize the patterns when you continually feel hurt by someone's actions. It may be time to reevaluate the relationship and if it is servicing you by looking at their patterns of behavior and believing them over their words. When someon...e feels your importance in their life, they will sacrifice, do things for you that are not convenient for them because it makes your life a little easier. They will want you to know they can depend on you just because it gives them the greatest joy of all, to see you smile. So If you are struggling with your relationship where it just seems like there are so many apologies for hurting you over and over again, it is time to start believing their patterns, not their apologies. Xx Susan See more

How many of us designed a version of our lives in our heads and currently it looks so different? Too often, we stay in unhappy relationships, jobs, and marriages out of fear of what is on the other side. Unfortunately, our brains rather stay in pain than experience uncertainty. Guess what? We have gotten very proficient during COVID of sitting on uncertainty. So why not change the trajectory of your life to start dreaming up what will genuinely make you happy today? Stop l...iving life to other people’s expectations of your life. I know it takes bravery, but letting go of the version of your life you thought you should have allows for something so much greater to emerge. Xx Susan

In today’s post I wanted to discuss accountability. We have to stop making excuses for people who repeatedly continue to hurt others intentionally. They have to start taking responsivity for their actions.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! This holiday, I found it hard to find the right words given how different the holidays are this year. However, I wanted to thank you all for being here. This was my first year on social media, and I have been so blown away by this beautiful and kind community. Your insights, compassion, inspiration, humor, and friendship have brightened my life daily during this time of uncertainty. I have been amazed by how you are changing your com...munities, the ways you have shown up for others, and to be honest, the contagious nature of so much goodness! I feel so blessed to have met so many of you that our paths would not have overlapped otherwise. I hope amidst the challenging time this holiday season. There are still moments of joy for you this holiday season! Disclamer: This photo is from last summer before my teenagers spent every day together, 24/7 home schooling for nine months. The picture is one short, and J is now 6 inches taller, but we wanted to send you many blessings, good health, and wish you an abundance of love and joy in your coming year! @j_stadt Happy holidays! Xx Susan . . . #familytherapist #marriageandfamilytherapist #marriageandfamilytherapy #familytherapy #familytherapist #authenticself #healthyrelationships #Losangelestherapist #losangelestherapy #cognitivebehaviortherapy #therapistofimstagram #mentalhealthtips #therapyiscool #copingskills #trauma #traumatherapy #traumatherapist #narcissisticabuse #narcissiticsurvivor #traumabonding #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealth #eatingdisordertherapy #eatingdiordertherapist #emotionalhealth #traumahealing #codependency #traumarecovery #traumasurvivor #perfectionism

Why does our self worth need to be attached to if we are in partnership? I absolutely hate when people ask if someone is single to quickly turn around and say you will meet someone. . . .... #healthyrelationships #datingtips #ralationshiptools #datingforwomen #relationshipexpert #relationships #datinglife #ralationshipmatters #datingcoach #relationshiprules #marriagecoach #datingquotes #datingafter30 #personalgrowth #datingadvice #healthydating #selfgrowth #emotionalhealth #traumahealing #codependency #traumarecovery #traumasurvivor #narcissisticabuse #narcissiticsurvivor See more

Loving someone else should never require abandoning ourselves in the process. Love is where we go to become more of who we are, not less. We shouldn't have to lose ourselves to be in a relationship, and your partner should invite and encourage you to grow into more than you EVER thought you could be. Love should always call you to be greater, not different, less, or smaller. I love the quote by @NeilStrauss, stating, "Perhaps the biggest mistake I made in the past was th...at I believed love was about finding the right person. In reality, love is about becoming the right person. Don't look for the person you want to spend your life with. BECOME the person you want to spend your life with." Xx Susan . . . #healthyrelationships #datingtips #ralationshiptools #datingforwomen #relationshipexpert #relationships #datinglife #ralationshipmatters #datingcoach #relationshiprules #marriagecoach #copingskills #emotionalregulation #losangelestherapy #losangelestherapist #cognitivebehaviortherapy #mindfulnessforchildren #mindfulnesscoaching #mindfulnessliving #emotionalhealth #traumahealing #codependency #traumarecovery

Rest is essential for our mental wellness. It is something underrated as a well-being necessity. How are you incorporating rest into your day today? I have nothing on my to do list for the first time in 10 months! Any recommendation? ... Xx Susan . . . #posttraumaticgrowth #relationshiptherapy #anxiousattachment #traumarecovery #healingjourney #attachmenttrauma #therapytools #attachment #familytherapist #marriageandfamilytherapist #familytherapy #marriageandfamilytherapy #marriagefamilytherapist #therapyiscool #mentalhealthtips #selfcompassion #copingskills #emotionalregulation #losangelestherapy #losangelestherapist #cognitivebehaviortherapy #mindfulnesscoaching #mindfulnessliving #rest #donothing #todolist

In today’s post, I wanted to talk about self-love. What is the old story that isn't serving you? When I _____, they ______? What did you fill in?... Familiar old stories can be, when I love someone, they leave me or I am unloveable. Others can be, What is wrong with me? Why don't they treat me kindly? Why don't they want to show up? Regardless of the story, how you are treated is more important than how much you like someone. Reread this again! And then again!!! I get it! This is hard. However, did you fall for someone who mistreated you, or did you like a person who you thought could repair your old narrative? The reality is that you chose someone who isn’t showing up as a healthy partner. Maybe because they have not learned what love is, (about giving rather than just receiving) or they don't love themselves to be able to love someone else or...... Whatever their work, You need to stop pursuing people who have low accountability, and who reinforce old stories for you!!!!! What Can You Do? Your selection criteria need to change, so you stop drinking the kool-aid that somehow this time, with this person (who isn't showing commitment or accountability), it will be different. Then you will finally believe you are ________ loveable, enough. worthy!!!!! You have to start living this truth for yourself, choose it, and know your worth. Choose you! It is your choice. Can the new story become, if I love me, what I would do? If I was enough, what would I do? If I cared about myself, what would I do? It is time to love and respect yourself enough to let go to make room for someone to step up as you need, want, desire, and value in your life. Because, I am going to tell you a secret, you are loveable, you are worthy, and you are enough! You just have to see it! Xx Susan

In today’s post, I wanted to talk about self-abandonment and our love blueprints. Valuing yourself in these turbulent times can be particularly challenging when we are busy thinking, worrying, and caring for others. It can also make us feel guilty when we have to set healthy boundaries. However, it is important to remember that not everyone can see our worth, but it doesn't mean that we need to work harder trying to prove it... or preform self-abandoning to be loved. We have to remember to always respect the healthy boundaries we establish for ourselves to take care of our own mental, emotions, and physical well-being. Ultimately, we can only show up as our best version of ourselves when we hold firm to our boundaries without breaking them or making exceptions. No matter how heartbreaking, or how badly you want a relationship to be different, you need to hold firm to your boundaries, needs, and values. Signs and symptoms of self-abandonment issues in adults include: always wanting to please others (being a people pleaser) giving too much in relationships an inability to trust others. pushing others away to avoid rejection. feeling insecure in romantic partnerships and friendships co-dependency This is your one life and you have to know that you are deserving of love and stop attracting people who do not value your worth. Xx Susan . . . #healthyrelationships #datingtips #ralationshiptools #datingforwomen #relationshipexpert #relationships #datinglife #ralationshipmatters #datingcoach #relationshiprules #marriagecoach #datingquotes #datingafter30 #personalgrowth #datingadvice #healthydating #selfgrowth #emotionalhealth #traumahealing #codependency #traumarecovery #traumasurvivor #narcissisticabuse #narcissiticsurvivor

In today's post, I wanted to remind you that just because things are hard right now doesn't mean that we don't deserve to have joy in our lives and strive towards it too. I think we could all use a little more joy in our lives right now. . . .... #healthyrelationships #datingtips #ralationshiptools #datingforwomen #relationshipexpert #relationships #datinglife #ralationshipmatters #datingcoach #relationshiprules #marriagecoach #copingskills #emotionalregulation #losangelestherapy #losangelestherapist #cognitivebehaviortherapy #mindfulnessforchildren #mindfulnesscoaching #mindfulnessliving #emotionalhealth #traumahealing #codependency #traumarecovery See more

In today's post, I wanted to check in with a self-care report card. How is everyone doing, really? I realize the new rising COVID cases have many people feeling overwhelmed, nervous, and even anxious about the uncertainty. I know I am feeling a lot more stress over this past week too, and having to do a lot more self-care to ground myself. With all the stressors, we need to remember that we have to check in with ourselves daily to see how we are doing and use our stress... reliever tools to reduce stressors. One of my favorite stress reliever tools I have starting again this month, is a sunrise challenge. I have been catching the most magnificent sunrises at 6:30 am in LA. Is anyone else doing a sunrise challenge right now, or want to join me? If so, make sure to tag me in your sunrise surprises and I will repost in my stories!!! The magic of the sky in the quiet of the morning is setting my day up for success. So, remember to find the things that help you with your self-care right now. If you enjoy taking walks to help you relax, do it! If you like meditating and working out, make sure to do it! If cooking resets you, do it! If you love to watch movies, make the time! We have to work extra hard right now, taking care of our self-care! What is on your list today? Xx Susan . . . #posttraumaticgrowth #relationshiptherapy #anxiousattachment #traumarecovery #healingjourney #attachmenttrauma #therapytools #attachment #familytherapist #marriageandfamilytherapist #familytherapy #marriageandfamilytherapy #marriagefamilytherapist #therapyiscool #mentalhealthtips #selfcompassion #copingskills #emotionalregulation #losangelestherapy #losangelestherapist #cognitivebehaviortherapy #mindfulnesscoaching #mindfulnessliving