SOS Ministries

What Is Gaslighting? Gaslighting is the act of manipulating someone using psychological efforts to make them question their own sanity. It is a severe form of emotional abuse that often leads them to question their own memories, thoughts or events that have happened. If the behavior is not stopped, it can result in a victim doubting and losing their own sense of identity and self-worth. Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, whether personal or professional. It...Continue reading

Abusers fail to find their identity in God. They cannot accept that they may be abandoned, hurt, or not respected by others, so they control the people around them to preserve their god-like identity. This means the abused cannot try to manage the situation. Trying to appease or avoid conflict won’t change the abusers’ real need to find their identity in Christ alone. One of Satan’s greatest lies is getting you to believe you can remain unaffected by sin committed against you (abuse). The serpent wants you to keep quiet and not let the beauty of a risen Savior shape every part of your story. The church must learn how to give women back their voice so they can taste the wondrous reality of God’s redeeming work for them. We must let the gospel have the last word.

Verbal Abuse When someone is being verbally abused, the person attacking them may use a combination of both overt forms of abuse like engaging in name-calling and making threats but also more insidious methods like gaslighting or constantly correcting, interrupting, putting down, and demeaning them. Even prolonged silent treatment is a form of verbal abuse. When this happens, the person is attempting to control and punish the victim by refusing to talk to the other person. For some people, especially those who either experience verbal abuse in the home or experienced it as a child, it can often be overlooked because the verbal assaults feel like a normal way to communicate. But they are anything but normal and can have lasting consequences.

How triggers affect DV survivors Triggers are a serious issue because when something sets off a survivor’s memory, it can result in debilitating effects. It can crush the survivor emotionally, mentally and even physically. It’s an intense reaction that can hold the same exact level of intensity as the original traumatic event. What is a trigger? A trigger is something that elicits a certain reaction from us when we emotionally (or even physically), re-experience something in ...our lives. It transports us back to the time we experienced the trauma and causes us to feel distress. Tips for identifying and dealing with triggers Identify the emotion What exactly are you feeling when the trigger happens? When we put a name to what we’re feeling, we can better cope with what we face. When we identify the emotion, we can find ways to reduce the intensity. Pray. Recognize When you identify the emotion, pay attention to what it does to your body. It is a natural reaction to have an increased heart rate, pulse and breathing when we feel fear. Our bodies will tell us what is going on. Likewise, when we feel anger, our bodies become tense and our muscles will tighten. When we can acknowledge what emotion we are feeling and what our bodies are doing in response to that emotion, we can better learn how to change that emotion and learn from it. Pray. Communication It is basic human nature to communicate with others and have a desire to be understood. Talk about it! Pray.

Common Signs of Emotional Abuse There are many signs of emotional abuse, ranging from the obvious to subtle: Yells at you or orders you around... Insults you, calls you names, blames, or criticizes you Makes fun of you in private or public Withholds affection or ignores you Tries to control your activities and contact with other people Threatens to abandon or hurt you More subtle ways someone can emotionally abuse you include: Denies abusing you Makes hurtful remarks in a caring tone of voice Judges you or denies your feelings Twists your words and distorts their meaning Breaks promises and then claims to have forgotten

DV MYTH VS FACT Myth: Drugs, alcohol, stress, and mental illness are the causes of domestic violence. Fact: While drugs, alcohol, stress, and mental illness can be factors in an abuser’s life and can certainly make an abusive situation more complicated, these things do not cause domestic violence.... Myth: Abusers are just out of control and need anger management. Fact: Abusers use many deliberate tactics to maintain power and control in a relationship. Sometimes these tactics can include physical violence and aggression, but there are many other ways that control is established. Myth: Domestic violence is always physical abuse. Fact: While physical abuse can be one way of maintaining power and control, it does not occur in every abusive relationship and is usually not the only form of abuse if it is occurring. Emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, isolation, threats, and intimidation are all forms of domestic violence. Myth: If a victim doesn’t leave, it must not be that bad or they are ok with how they are being treated. Fact: Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely difficult. On average, a victim will try to leave an abusive relationship at least eight times before they can leave successfully. Some of the things abusers do to make leaving hard can include: creating financial dependence, using children as a coercion tool, making threats of violence or legal retaliation, or using the court system to keep control of a victim even after they leave

How can you help? Listen to the victim. Give the victim three key assurances: "You don't deserve this;" "This is not your fault;" and "I believe you."... Tell the victim you think he or she might be in danger. Give the victim local resources. Don't tell the victim what to do. Abusers often prevent victims from making decisions. Telling the victim what to do could sound controlling, like the abuser. Ask the victim where he or she would go if he or she decided to leave. Help her or him think about making a plan. If abuse is actively occurring, immediately call: 9-1-1.

Why The Church Should Be Concerned About Domestic Violence? Victims of domestic violence often regard their religious community as a safe and supportive place where they can turn to for guidance and strength. One in every four women suffer from emotional and verbal abuse, and 2 or 3 will be physically abused by their husbands. ... DV affects all faith communities DV contradicts all sacred teachings DV hurts all individuals and families DV harms and damages the community and society DV can be prevented and stopped AWARENESS IS KEY & JESUS IS THE ANSWER!

TEEN DATING ABUSE Each year, one in ten teenagers reports being the victim of teen dating violence. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 23% of males and 14% of females surveys indicated that they had been part of a relationship that was violent or abusive.

Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health.

WARNING SIGNS: know them, keep them, apply them and share them!