Sharon Coulter MFT

Nature is the most powerful teacher we have. We need look no further. In nature we see the interconnectedness of everything and sense our oneness with the cosmos. Life flowing by, no beginning, no end. Santorini, Greece

Sunrise is a beautiful reminder that whatever mis-takes were made yesterday, whatever darkness we had to navigate, hardships we had to endureeach day brings new possibilities for learning, finding meaning in our lives, and tapping into what most brings us joy.

I consider unhealthy families as being like a mobile over a crib. As long as all the family members are following the rules to keep the mobile stable, all will be well. Of course this means the integrity of each member must be sacrificed for the whole. In unhealthy families, as children we quickly realize what our role is to keep the balance and we may take these dynamics into our adult relationships as partners and even to the creation of our own families. I invite you to ...consider what was the cost to you to maintain balance in your family? Being small? Being quiet? Not voicing your own opinions? Being a high achiever? As a child, putting the needs of adults before your own? Healthy families argue and nurture an environment where each person has a voice and is heard with respect. There doesn’t have to be agreement but each person is encouraged to express their differences in opinion and individual needs.

As humans, we struggle so much to create an identity for ourselves to which we can then get very attached. Sometimes this can mean we end up leading a good but small life. If we want a big life, we will need to take that scary step: honor and let go of what I am to allow space for what might be. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Wishing you a BIG life filled with mis-takes and outstanding adventures.

Many of us have been taught to focus on having compassion for others and to put ourselves last. Ironically, self-compassion is at the heart of healing and physical and emotional health. This doesn’t mean we don’t need to take responsibility for our actions and make amends where they are appropriate. Of course we do. It does mean tapping into loving kindness for the mis-takes and poor choices that we will inevitably make in life as part of our emotional growth and also knowing... when we have extended too much of ourselves and need self-care. I see self compassion as an integral part of self care and that is my FIRST responsibility. Only if I take care of myself, can I help anyone else. In my 20’s I was a flight attendant. We would go through the motions of telling parents in times of extreme turbulence that the oxygen masks would drop and they must put their own masks on before they helped their children. I use this analogy frequently in therapy to help clients understand that if we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t help those we love. The theme of self compassion is particularly important in addiction where usually there’s an absence of self-compassion and an inflated sense of self- hate and shame. The fundamental work here is helping clients reclaim their innate goodness and for them to be able to own that.