Ryan Moalemi

Love is just a word until you do something to give it meaning. Love isn't stamped on a rubber bracelet or handed out at a charity event. Love isn't a once-in-a-year Thanksgiving volunteer effort either. Love is just being with people.... Love is really listening to someone. Love is surprising a stranger by how much you care. Love is caring so much for someone. Just because. Love is helping others without telling anyone. Love is the time you spend showing people they matter. Love is letting go of what you thought you deserved. Love is making someone's day even when yours sucks. Love is what you do when nobody is looking. Love doesn't need a reason. Love just does...

Wholehearted anger fights the act, not the actor. Wholehearted anger reminds us that the person we're angry at is a fellow human being who is always worthy of our love. Wholehearted anger is fierce, intense and courageous and it is never watered down! ... Wholehearted anger stands up for what's right but it never loses sight of the other person's humanity. Wholehearted anger does not dehumanize. Wholehearted anger seeks to reduce suffering not increase it. However, it is willing to inflict some suffering now to reduce even greater suffering later. Where anger dumbs us down, wholehearted anger sharpens our senses. Wholehearted anger includes care, sensitivity, empathy, courage, ferociousness and intensity. Wholehearted anger does not need threats or violence to punctuate its message because the message is powerful enough on its own. Wholehearted anger is not afraid of showing its vulnerability. Wholehearted anger is articulate and effective because it allows us to see the situation from the offending person's point of view as well as our own. Wholehearted anger speaks but it also listens. Wholehearted anger is a laser guided missile, not a hand grenade. Wholehearted anger goes right to the heart of the problem. Whereas anger excludes everything that doesn't promote its cause, wholehearted anger sees the entirety of the situation, even details that contradict its point of view. Wholehearted anger is brutally honest; not just brutal. Wholehearted anger is flexible. It can be as loving or as harsh as needed and it is highly adaptive. Wholehearted anger is not an automatic response-- far from it. It's a conscious, deliberate practice that offers us the power to choose our reaction. Wholehearted anger is anger + love and it is more capable of getting its message heard than just anger or just love. Wholehearted anger is heart + spine. Wholehearted anger takes guts. But it also takes sensitivity and intelligence. Wholehearted anger is not afraid of giving the other person the benefit of the doubt because wholehearted anger is not afraid of being wrong. Wholehearted anger wakes up the other person's conscience, but self-hatred is never its goal. Wholehearted anger only attacks as a last resort. I hope you enjoyed this post. Please like this post or my page and I will post a free how-to guide, showing you how to use anger in a way that serves your greatest good. You don't have to be afraid of conflict any longer!

Women can put a raised toilet seat down in a millisecond so why do they get so irritated about it? According to research, because it’s symbolic of the male sense of entitlement. So guys, you can score major points just by putting the seat down (literally and figuratively). And if you ever see her becoming upset about something you consider small, don't just react. Instead, take a second to ask her about the deeper meaning of the situation.... Approach her with an open heart and a curious mind when you ask her too. Impress her with your power to be present even when she's upset with you. Be patient and genuinely interested in her point of view and she'll be more relaxed and willing to explore the situation. You'll be surprised how much you can learn. The little things aren't so little. They're usually symbolic of much more meaningful issues and that's why the response they elicit can seem so disproportionate to what's actually happening. Learn about the underlying meaning of the situation and solve the problem at its core, rather than arguing about what should or shouldn't be a big deal. It's a very economical approach and will save both of you lots of time and unnecessary anguish. With some time, attention, awareness and open-heartedness, you can work together so that the little things no longer cause friction, leaving you both to focus on what really matters in your life together.

Two types of anger in relationships: Helpful anger: stopping something harmful to you without harming the person who harmed you. Harmful anger: stopping something harmful to you by harming the person who harmed you.... Although it's tempting to want to harm the person who harmed you, doing so almost always results in an escalation of the problem or retaliation.

Painful emotions are not destructive or constructive. How you use them determines their effect. If emotions like shame, fear and anger weren't helpful, evolution would have sorted them out already. Painful emotions have been preserved over the course of human evolution because they are useful. They help us interact with our environment and each one has a very specific purpose. To unlock the power of all of our emotions - even the negative ones, we must first learn about them.... This includes an initial understanding of the universal face gestures that represent different emotional states and how each one feels to you so you can spot the emotion in yourself and others. Over time you will be able to understand what other people feel, even when they aren't consciously aware of it, making them feel deeply understood by you and establishing excellent rapport and trust. For example, if someone is feeling sadness but being polite and trying not to show it, lots of options are available. If it's a partner or spouse, you could soften, breathe slower and make a conscious attempt to be empathetic as you express a sincere curiosity for their feelings underneath of their words. Or if it's a stranger, yo could just give that person a compliment or do something kind for them without risking embarrassing them by letting them know that you see their sadness. The next step is making the emotional response less automatic. This is not like learning how to ride a bike; it's more like mastering the piano. The work is ongoing and it never ends. Even the Dalai Lama struggles with his emotions! He's said publicly that if he doesn't meditate for 2 or 3 days he loses his ability to make his emotional responses less automatic. Some people have a gradual onset of emotions and this work is easier for them. For others, like me that have a rapid emotional onset, the work is much harder. Thankfully research shows that both types of people can learn how to create more space between their initial emotional response and any action that they take (mentally or physically) on it. Dr. Paul Ekman, one of the Time Magazine's 100 most influential people and the most prolific researcher on human emotions alive today compared this practice to fire. He said the emotion is the spark and the action is the flame. If the spark is anger and the flame is violence, the goal is to create more space between the spark and the flame. Practically speaking, this could mean breathing when anger hits, letting the physical sensations be there, but consciously refusing to act on it until you're sure it can be delivered with some care. A large section of psychological research supports the idea that these simple practices create massive improvements in personal well-being and relating to others.