Rancho Counseling

The Gottmans talk about how it isn’t the big things that people divorce over, but the little things that continue to pile up over time. One way to strengthen your relationship is to remember to do the small things often. Building a culture of appreciation in your relationship is easy to do, but also easy to forget. Saying thank you for small things, ... making polite gestures towards your partner, being affectionate, asking how your partner is feeling each and every day, letting them know how much you love and appreciate them, going our of your way to do an act of service for them - these are all ways you can build a culture of appreciation in your relationship. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #appreciation #randomactsofkindness #relationshipgoals #couplesgoals See more

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day and hopefully you’re basking in the afterglow of the romance you and your partner shared yesterday. This is your reminder that all of the kind things you did for your partner yesterday can be done any day. Set a reminder on your calendar 1 month from now to plan another romantic day or evening for your partner. ... Couples who have lasting, healthy relationships make romance a priority. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #ranchocucamonga #romance #prioritizelove #couplesgoals

Here are 4 things to remember when you’re listening to your partner. Put your cell phone down. Make eye contact, and do whatever it takes to lessen distraction. Allow your partner to finish their thought or story, and then summarize what you heard: ugh so you had a terrible day bc your boss is out of town and no one is doing what they’re supposed to.... Validate their feelings: that’s so annoying, I could see how that would be so stressful for you. Ask questions for clarification if needed once you’re finished with the first 3 steps: so how long will the boss be gone? Can you talk to your supervisor about your concerns? Listening in responding in this order can be pivotal in helping your partner feel heard and understood. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #couplesgoals #communication #ranchocucamongatherapy #love #marriage #beagoodlistener

When your partner is seeking connection from you, do you always see it? Do you know their signals? These signals are called bids for connection, and they happen quickly. Your partner may make a comment about something, move physically closer to you, or ask questions about something that doesn’t seem important. In those moments you can turn towards your partner (respond to their bid), or turn away (ignore their bid), but in order to have a healthy relationship there needs ...to be a 5:1 ratio. You should be responsive 5 times for every 1 time you are not. When we don’t respond to our partners bids for connection they make meaning of this. They start to believe they are unimportant, and this can spiral into feelings of disconnectedness and loneliness. Ask your partner ways they may have tried to reach out to you that you missed in the past week. Ask them to identify how they communicate their need for connection and then pay attention. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #gottmantherapy #gottmantherapist #couplestherapyranchocucamonga #ranchocucamonga #communication #couplegoals

Many couple want to know how long their therapy will last when the first begin the process. The answer is - it depends on the issues you want to work out. The length of the course of therapy varies from couple to couple. Plan to be in therapy for at least 6 months though. This time frame allows couples to see what’s possible for the future of their relationship. ... You don’t necessarily end therapy after 6 months, but it’s a good time re-evaluate, and decide whether you’ve seen enough improvements to keep going. 6 months will give you enough time to begin implementing lasting changes, not just the surface, behavioral changes that take place at the very beginning of therapy. Typical in the first 2-3 month of therapy the satisfaction level increases. Everyone is on their best behavior, and doing the things their learning in therapy. And then couples have a fight. They revert back to their old ways, and somehow things feel worse and even more frustrating because you’re investing in therapy. But this is when the real work begins. This is when couples truly learn how to implement better communication patterns, and learn to repair the hurts they are experiencing. Following this, the next few months are about course correcting, and authentic learning. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #communication #couplestherapy

Sometimes we need to vent, and other times we are looking for our partner’s opinion about what to do, but they don’t always know which one to give. Many times you may be looking for comfort, you don’t want any solutions. You don’t want your partner to tell you what you should do next, what you should have said, or how you need to think about a situation. Other times you may want input, you want your partner to give their opinion about how you approached something and what t...o do next. When you’re looking for comfort though and they take out their toolbox and begin with their constructive criticism, it can be infuriating, and a fight can ensue. One way to eliminate this sort of conflict is to simply ask before taking out your tool box. Do you want comfort or solutions? And then respect your partners needs. * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #fairfighting #conflictmanagement #couplestherapy #couplegoals

When we get flooded we tend to say the things we need to apologize for later, and things get overly heated and sometimes out of control during conflicts. The best way to diffuse this is to ask for a time-out so you and your partner can do some self-soothing and then return to the conversation. There is an appropriate way to ask for a time-out. It isn’t F this! I’m done! And then walking away. ... Here are the components you should include when asking for a time-out appropriately. You can also check out our YouTube video on ways to ask for time-outs to learn how to master this and keep conflicts from getting out of control (link in bio). * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling #conflict #timeouts #managingconflict #fairfighting

What are you looking forward to in 2021? 2020 was a shit show for most of us. Dealing with a global pandemic was certainly not what anyone expected and it caused so much anxiety and uncertainty for so many of us. But it also caused couples to face each other in a way they have before. ... Gone were the days of heading out to the bar to blow off steam. The gym wasn’t accessible to lessen anger or anxiety, and getting out and being social couldn’t drown out the negativity in our primary relationships. Couples had to face each other. And with less distractions they had to decide to either work on their marriage or end it. In 2021 will you decide to look at your relationship and make the necessary changes? Things can be different and now is the best time to start! * * * #marriagetherapy #therapy #ranchocucamonga #counseling #marriagecounseling #couplescounseling

But we never fight When a couple I’m working with tells me this I am worried. More worried than when a couple tells me they fight constantly. ... Why? Because fighting is inevitable. Two people who come from two totally different backgrounds, upbringings, with different views and opinions are bound to disagree. It’s the nature of relationships, and having conflict is actually healthy. Read the full post through the link in our bio

One of the top google searches when it comes to couples therapy is, does couples therapy work? This is a logical and important question. Before you make the investment of your time, energy, and money to work on your relationship, it’s important to know how to get the most out of those investments. The short answer to that question is no, it doesn’t always work, but here are 5 common reasons why. ... Full blog post through the link in bio @ Fontana, California See more

But we never fight When a couple I’m working with tells me this I am worried. More worried than when a couple tells me they fight constantly. ... Why? Because fighting is inevitable. Two people who come from two totally different backgrounds, upbringings, with different views and opinions are bound to disagree. It’s the nature of relationships, and having conflict is actually healthy. Read the full post through the link in our bio

This was a great episode from a couple weeks back. If you’re not listening to this podcast, you need to add it to your list!!#humpday #Repost @sexwithemily with @get_repost New #podcast! In this episode, I share why I used to fake my orgasms and how sex got so much better once I stopped. Here’s the thing: MANY of us (regardless of gender) have faked an orgasm at one point or another. ... So in this episode, I dive deep into the reasons WHY we do it, as well as how to take your O power back by figuring out your body and how to learn to communicate what you actually need. Your turn! Have you ever misled someone about your pleasure and why? ##marriagetherapy #marriagefamilytherapy #marriagetherapyofinstagram #marriagetherapy101 #marriagecounseling #marriagecounseling101 #marriagecounselingworks #marriagecounselingservice #couplescounseling #couplesgoals #couples #couplestherapy #therapy #therapymemes #therapyranchocucamonga #marriagespecialists #ranchocucamonga

According to the Doherty Institute, 60-65% of remarriages end in divorce. Those second marriages also tend to end due to similar issues that arose in the first marriage. You can end your marriage and start anew, but those issues tend to follow, so taking the time to work to resolve those issues in your first marriage is worth it! There are so many things that can be solved if you have the right tools. marriagetherapy #marriagefamilytherapy #marriagetherapyofinstagram #marriagetherapy101 #marriagecounseling #marriagecounseling101 #marriagecounselingworks #marriagecounselingservice #couplescounseling #couplesgoals #couples #couplestherapy #therapy #therapymemes #therapyranchocucamonga #marriagespecialists #ranchocucamonga

One of the top google searches when it comes to couples therapy is, does couples therapy work? This is a logical and important question. Before you make the investment of your time, energy, and money to work on your relationship, it’s important to know how to get the most out of those investments. The short answer to that question is no, it doesn’t always work, but here are 5 common reasons why. ... Full blog post through the link in bio @ Fontana, California See more

http://www.ranchocounseling.com//5-reasons-couples-counsel

"#CommunicationIsALubrication " #humpday #letstalkaboutsex Photo credit @sexwithemily Reposted with @plannthat

#blacklivesmatter

Things are more like 60/40, or 80/20 at any given moment, and in healthy relationships you have a partnership. Your partner picks up the slack and sometimes you are the one who picks up the slack. In healthy relationships there is a healthy ebb and flow, and you can ask for help when you need it and so can your partner. It’s unrealistic to think that you’re always going to be functioning at 100% all the time or that your partner will be, because we are humans. ... Trust is not just about feeling like your partner isn’t going to stray. Trust is about feeling like your partner has your back and is there for you when you need them. #marriagetherapy #marriagefamilytherapy #marriagetherapyofinstagram #marriagetherapy101 #marriagecounseling #marriagecounseling101 #marriagecounselingworks #marriagecounselingservice #couplescounseling #couplesgoals #couples #couplestherapy #therapy #therapymemes #therapyranchocucamonga #marriagespecialists #ranchocucamonga See more

"Personally, I like all of these during AND after quarantine! Leave me alone. Let me work in my own space. Love me, feed me, play with me, sex me. And close the door when you poo...K, thanks! " Photo credit @whitnlove... Reposted with @plannthat See more

Join us in an hour! - https://mailchi.mp//free-online-workshop-tomorrow-night-27

Join us this evening at 8:00pm for this free online workshop! You’ll get lots of useful information about managing your house and home! Go to www.mendinghearts.love to register.

Tomorrow evening at 8:00pm I will be joining Mending Hearts as we present on improving your house and home. Attorneys will be discussing topics including rent, evictions, and foreclosure, and I will be discussing ways couples can improve their communication to keep their home healthy. Sign up to join us!

#humpday "Remember it’s all in the approach . When we get curious instead of shaming or blaming, you’d be surprised at how much our partners want to share with us. It opens up the conversation in so many ways. It’s important to remember that these aren’t one time conversations either. The more we talk about our sex life, the easier it will get " Photo credit @sexwithemily... Reposted with @plannthat See more