Quincee Gideon, PsyD

What the heck is a defense mechanism? A defense mechanism is an older psychoanalytic term to describe the different things we employ in order to avoid some internal painful experience. The four trauma responses each have different defense mechanisms that they rely on we all have individual ways in which we manage our internal pain. ... Which do you most connect with? What's the most common ways that you avoid some painful internal experience? How do these show up in your life and keep you from truly feeling connected to others? Defense mechanisms can sometimes show up where we are overwhelmed or too emotionally bruised to show our vulnerability. I want you to feel empowered to start addresses these defenses (because they do keep you disconnected). If you want some ideas on how to do that, I have a masterclass in Understanding Your Nervous System at the link in the bio! It's free and meant to be a helpful resource in helping you understanding your brain, body and ways of managing.

To all the people-pleasers that have frequent thoughts like: "I'm not being unreasonable, right?" "This isn't a big ask, right?" "Am I totally asking for too much?"... "Would other people feel differently?" ... I want you to know that is the crux of codependency and people-pleasing. This is exactly the sort of thing that keeps you in the codependency cycle of honoring other people's experiences while neglecting your own. Because this dynamic is so embedded, it's not likely that you are going to magically make this go away with "different thoughts." Nope, this is the long-term work of: Taking up more space in relationships Self-soothing when you feel dismissed or gaslit Finding small ways to explore your feelings, without needing the reassurance or validation of others And creating supportive relationships with folks that honor your feelings and needs--- just like YOU have honored everyone else's. So what feelings or needs have felt unreasonable? What could you do today to take up a little more space?

To those working really hard to thrive but you still feel pretty overwhelmed or shut down a lot of the time, this is for you! I think there's a lot of different paths to healing and I love that we have options! But If I could I could wish you one thing in your healing journey, it'd be that you would learn how to regulate that nervous system. Why? Well because our nervous system has a hard time responding to logic and reason. Our nervous system is trying to help you survive... and your life experiences and trauma have taught your nervous system that it's got to be careful because trauma happens way too often to ever let your guard down. You can't talk yourself out of that quick, unconscious response. You how to regulate your nervous system though... and that makes the world a less scary and overwhelming space. Do you want to learn how to regulate your nervous system better? I give weekly tips on how to manage your nervous system to our mailing list. You can get on the list at the link in my bio!

If you have a hard time calming down OR you find yourself stuck in dread and helplessness, here's a few ways that you can regulate your nervous system today and all of them are literally free. Hum or sing a song: this accesses part of your vagal nerve and sends some pretty incredible messages to your body that it's okay to . Say three nice things to yourself: Honestly, sometimes we have to get in the way our of our negative self-talk. It can be crippling and le...ave us feeling worthless and unlovable. Practically we can help stop this negative shame spiral by interrupting the negative self-talk with three nice things about yourself. Put your feet on the ground: A reminder of the here and now and an invitation to be in the present moment. If our nervous systems are alerted to danger around us when there isn't actually any danger, sometimes we have to help ourselves remember our surroundings by putting our skin to the ground. Gargle water: we are working at getting at that vagal nerve again with this one. This helps send all those good messages that it's okay to and return to your present experience. Move or stretch: if you are really shut down and collapsed in on yourself, you might need to start with imagining yourself moving or stretching. Sometimes we have to manually move ourselves before our bodies can realize that we are not in a "life threat" sort of situation. Crying: this one is unsold, in my opinion. So many good biological functions happen when we let ourselves cry. If you feel embarrassed about your outward emoting, then cry into that pillow. Do you want weekly tips on how to regulate your nervous system? We send them every single week to the folks on our mailing list. You can get on the list at the link in the bio!