Phil Kiehl, LMFT

Marriage Examination In today’s world, spouses are finding it harder than ever to stay connected and remain married. Spouses have turned to the strategy of accusing each other, hoping this will fix the marriage. But after countless attempts to do this, each spouse feels hurt and lonely. Have you said recently to yourself, Why do we blame one another so much? Why are we not happy and connected in comparison to other couples I know? Is there something wrong with me, you, or u...s? I want to challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror and determine whether you as an individual are healthy or you as a couple are healthy in the way we treat one another. You will assess by answering these questions: What do I do to contribute to the health or unhealthiness of this marriage? Why do I accuse, or why does my spouse accuse me, and these accusations lead to hostility and hurt? What am I do doing or what are we doing that we cannot accept each other, but instead blame each other? I want to help you evaluate your marriage in a concise manner by knowing what the traits are and patterns of a healthy marriage versus an unhealthy marriage. Stop the madness of accusing one another and learn how to accept one another. Acceptance does not mean ignoring serious problems such as cheating, drugs, alcoholism, pornography, or abusive patterns. But fixing one another’s problems will never lead to accepting one another for better or for worse. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I know firsthand in my marriage of seventeen years how my wife and I have been challenged and have learned to stop accusing one another and accept one another. Trust me; I know this is not easy. But in my years of counseling couples, I have witnessed incredible results when spouses stop accusing one another and become healthy spouses for their marriage. My hope as you read this blog is to pursue a healthy marriage. As you apply this knowledge to your marriage, you will find that you are less lonely, less frustrated and angry, and have more resolution and a deeper understanding connection in your marriage. Thanks for reading. Phillip Kiehl, LMFT #42351 www.philkiehl.com Author of Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another. www.booklaunch.io/phillipkiehl/create-healthy-marriage.com

Marriage Examination In today’s world, spouses are finding it harder than ever to stay connected and remain married. Spouses have turned to the strategy of accusing each other, hoping this will fix the marriage. But after countless attempts to do this, each spouse feels hurt and lonely. Have you said recently to yourself, Why do we blame one another so much? Why are we not happy and connected in comparison to other couples I know? Is there something wrong with me, you, or u...s? I want to challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror and determine whether you as an individual are healthy or you as a couple are healthy in the way we treat one another. You will assess by answering these questions: What do I do to contribute to the health or unhealthiness of this marriage? Why do I accuse, or why does my spouse accuse me, and these accusations lead to hostility and hurt? What am I do doing or what are we doing that we cannot accept each other, but instead blame each other? I want to help you evaluate your marriage in a concise manner by knowing what the traits are and patterns of a healthy marriage versus an unhealthy marriage. Stop the madness of accusing one another and learn how to accept one another. Acceptance does not mean ignoring serious problems such as cheating, drugs, alcoholism, pornography, or abusive patterns. But fixing one another’s problems will never lead to accepting one another for better or for worse. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I know firsthand in my marriage of seventeen years how my wife and I have been challenged and have learned to stop accusing one another and accept one another. Trust me; I know this is not easy. But in my years of counseling couples, I have witnessed incredible results when spouses stop accusing one another and become healthy spouses for their marriage. My hope as you read this blog is to pursue a healthy marriage. As you apply this knowledge to your marriage, you will find that you are less lonely, less frustrated and angry, and have more resolution and a deeper understanding connection in your marriage. Thanks for reading. Phillip Kiehl, LMFT #42351 www.philkiehl.com Author of Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another. www.booklaunch.io/phillipkiehl/create-healthy-marriage.com

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 7 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 7 of 7) Greetings. I will use the word holiday by writing about each letter to give your marriage some tips about how to experience this season. I hope you find these tips helpful. The last letter in the word holiday is Y. The holiday season usually ends with the recognition of Happy New Year and the start of a brand new year. So for your marriage, the two of you are going to have a new year together here in 2017. But is it going to be...Continue reading

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 6 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 6 of 7) Greetings. I am using the word holiday by writing about each letter to give your marriage some tips about how to experience this season. I hope you find these tips helpful. The sixth letter in the word holiday is A for Attitude. Your attitude, both positive and negative, about this holiday season will have an impact not only on you but upon your spouse, children, workplace and family. That is why this topic is so important. ... As you know, the holiday season is filled with both old and new movies in which a person is confronted to face this season. Scrooge in the movie ‘A Christmas Carol’ portrays a man who is negative and unhappy about the holidays. His attitude is one in which he states, ‘Oh Bah Humbug.’ The story and movie about Mr. Grinch also has similar negative attitudes about the holiday season as he tries to steal Christmas from the village people. It is tempting to have a negative attitude towards this season given the marketing of Christmas. Television commercials, music stations, department stores, etc. all seem to emphasis the importance of the holidays starting as early as September. The challenge for your marriage is to find ways to not let the Scrooge or Grinch attitude enter into your heart and perception. We all need to guard or protect our hearts from becoming like the Grinch during this holiday season. The invitation is to sit down with your spouse and find ways to not have this negative attitude. Share with one another how the two of you are going to protect the marriage and protect your hearts from forming a negative ‘bah humbug’ attitude. Ask one another to share each day how you are protecting your heart from not allowing this negative attitude to penetrate your outlook for the day and for the season. For the sake of the marriage, make sure you have proper expectations and find ways to encourage one another to remain positive, smile by working together to enjoy this holiday season. Don’t just survive but find ways to thrive and be happy. Thanks for reading. Phillip Kiehl, LMFT #42351 www.philkiehl.com Author of Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another. www.booklaunch.io/phillipkiehl/create-healthy-marriage.com

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 5 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 5 of 7) Greetings. In the next 7 weeks, I want to write to spouses and to your marriage about how the two of you are going to experience this holiday season. I will use the word holiday by writing about each letter to give your marriage some tips about how to experience this season. I hope you find these tips helpful. The next letter is Desire. What comes to mind when you think of this word desire? Do you have desires? Can you feel an...d recognize what are your desires? As you prepare for this holiday season, do you know your desire at this time of the year? Desire has to do with knowing what are your wants and needs. What do you want at this holiday season? If I asked you to write down your top 5 wants during this time of the year, would you be able to write them down? For example, maybe your top five wants has to do with various categories such as your time, food, preferences, or whom to spend this season with. Your wants are based upon your preference of how you want this season to go for you and your marriage. In the same way, you needs also are important. Needs at this time of year are very important both for each spouse and for the marriage. Some needs you may want to consider are kindness, patience, comfort, love and understanding. The invitation is for each spouse to write down both your needs and wants. After you finish your list, then sit down on the couch and express what your desires for this holiday season are? As each spouse shares, listen for the sake of understanding. Find ways where both of you are feeling heard and understood regarding your desires. Then also communicate together what are the desires for the marriage in which both of you are wanting to fulfill these desires. The goal is to not allow this season to be another year in which you go into survival mode. Far too often, this holiday season can be filled with trying to live up to the demands and expectations of others. Instead, look for ways to fulfill the some of the expectations of others but also fulfill the desires for your marriage. Don’t let the expectation of others sabotage your personal and marriage desires. Protect the marriage and fulfill desires based upon what the marriage wants and needs. And I promise you, this holiday season will be much more fulfilling. Thanks for reading. Phillip Kiehl, LMFT #42351 www.philkiehl.com Author of Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another. www.booklaunch.io/phillipkiehl/create-healthy-marriage.com

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 4 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 4 of 7) Greetings. In the next 7 weeks, I want to write to spouses and to your marriage about how the two of you are going to experience this holiday season. I will use the word holiday by writing about each letter to give your marriage some tips about how to experience this season. I hope you find these tips helpful. In the first two blogs, H is for happy and O is for our time. L is for listening. For this post, the next letter is Inte...ntion. What comes to mind when you think of this word intention? Can you recognize that this is an important word to communicate to your spouse what are your intentions when it comes to your marriage and for this holiday season? During this holiday season, I want to challenge each spouse to pursue your intention to be with your spouse. This holiday season can be so full of doing and going. Lots of invitation and activities to attend to. But the greatest gift you can give to your spouse and your marriage is to be intentional in wanting to be there for each other. When you can say to your spouse, I intentionally and purposely want to be there with you and for us, then you are saying to your spouse that the greatest gift to give each other is a wanting and desire to be present with each other. We all feel pressured to buy a gift. But the best gift you can give is to let your spouse know what your intentions are. To be intentional is to strive to be the best you can be for your spouse during this season. It is saying we are # 1 and together we intentionally need to value and place as importance our focus and purpose of wanting to be there for each other. It is not the things we buy nor is it the places you go but it is who you are in wanting with good intentions and purpose to be there for each other. So value and emphasis to each other this holiday season the wanting to be there for each other. When you both can intentionally express and focus on wanting one another, then both of you are saying to each other, you mater, we matter, and I want us to focus on being here with one another. Thanks for reading. Phillip Kiehl, LMFT #42351 www.philkiehl.com Author of Creating the Healthy Marriage You Want: Stop Accusing & Start Accepting One Another. www.booklaunch.io/phillipkiehl/create-healthy-marriage.com

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 3 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 3 of 7) Greetings. In the next 7 weeks, I want to write to spouses and to your marriage about how the two of you are going to experience this holiday season. I will use the word holiday by writing about each letter to give your marriage some tips about how to experience this season. I hope you find these tips helpful. In the first two blogs, H is for happy and O is for our time. The next letter is L for listening. During this holiday s...Continue reading

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 2 of 7)

The Holiday Season: Marriage Tips (Part 2 of 7) Greetings. It is the holiday season. Walmart, Target and Home Depot are ready. These retail stores and television commercials are reminding you, it is the holiday season, so get shopping as soon as possible. So without control over time, this holiday season soon will be here. Sure, you could be a Grinch and avoid this season at all possible. But unless you fly off to some remote spot in the world, the holiday season is upon us. ...Continue reading