Dr. Natalie Feinblatt

First of all, if the holidays trigger you there's nothing wrong with you & you're not alone. Second, you're allowed to practice self-care in the face of these triggers. It doesn't matter if "it's the holidays!" or if friends/family don't understand why you're not in a good mood. If you feel safe doing so, share in the comments how you are dealing with holiday triggers this year. https://instagr.am/p/CJRSEMqDfUZ/

I've said for a long time that family holidays can be a dysfunctional family energy vortex. This means that dysfunctional families often crank up their antics to the absolute max on family holidays. There are fights. Chaos. Meanness. Crisis. Even abuse and/or trauma. This is why a lot of people from dysfunctional families dislike family holidays. There are just too many years of negative associations with the day itself. If you're in the middle of a dysfunctional ...family energy vortex today, you are not alone and you're going to make it through to the other side. You're allowed to leave. Set boundaries. Turn off your phone. Call out the pattern. Get help from others. And if none of that works or helps...today will end. You will survive. And there are many there with you in spirit as you get through it. https://instagr.am/p/CJOtmw3jxq4/ See more

In working Steps 4 through 6, recovering codependents become aware of their character defects. There are lots of different terms you can use for these - negative traits, character defects, codependent traits, etc. Recovering codependents come to accept these parts of themselves. They no longer deny, minimize, or rationalize them. And it is through this awareness & acceptance that they gain the ability to stop projecting their character defects onto other people. They own them as their own, and call themselves out if they try to project them. https://instagr.am/p/CJMDJ8tjaAD/

So many people who have a problem with alcohol have told me that they're not alcoholics because they don't drink every day. You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. Some people genuinely don't know this. And others know but are in denial. Daily drinking is not a criteria for alcohol disorders in the DSM 5, or even in the questionnaire created by Alcoholics Anonymous. DSM 5 criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder: In the past year have you - Had times ...when you ended up drinking more, or longer than you intended? More than once wanted to cut down or stop drinking, or tried to, but couldn’t? Spent a lot of time drinking? Or being sick or getting over the aftereffects? Experienced craving a strong need, or urge, to drink? Found that drinking or being sick from drinking often interfered with taking care of your home or family? Or caused job troubles? Or school problems? Continued to drink even though it was causing trouble with your family or friends? Given up or cut back on activities that were important or interesting to you, or gave you pleasure, in order to drink? More than once gotten into situations while or after drinking that increased your chances of getting hurt (such as driving, swimming, using machinery, walking in a dangerous area, or having unsafe sex)? Continued to drink even though it was making you feel depressed or anxious or adding to another health problem? Or after having had a memory blackout? Had to drink much more than you once did to get the effect you want? Or found that your usual number of drinks had much less effect than before? Found that when the effects of alcohol were wearing off, you had withdrawal symptoms, such as trouble sleeping, shakiness, irritability, anxiety, depression, restlessness, nausea, or sweating? Or sensed things that were not there? https://instagr.am/p/CJJZ21cDqDk/ See more

The 12 Steps aren't just for drugs or alcohol. You can apply them to just about any issue or situation in your life. Take the current ongoing election, for example: 1) Admit that you're powerless over the results of the election. Also amidt that, when you act like you're not powerless over the results, your life becomes unmanageable. If you believe you have power that you don't have in this situation, you're going to drive yourself (and likely those around you) crazy.... 2) Come to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to calmness in this situation, or at least help you tolerate your anxiety better. This power can be something spiritual, like a Higher Power/God, or it can be something non-spiritual like nature or science or integrity. 3) Turn your will for the election over to this power. Surrender your will and have faith that, whatever happens, you will be able to deal with it effectively. You'll probably have to do this over & over again, as we humans have a tendency to turn our will over...and then take it back That's ok, it's totally normal! Just learn how to catch yourself & develop the willingness to keep turning it over as many times as you need to. https://instagr.am/p/CHN2EPrjN_O/ See more

Uncertainty can be hard to tolerate on the best of days. But if you struggle with post-traumatic stress, uncertainty can take you out of your window of tolerance & throw you into difficult & painful emotional states. If uncertainty has you in a state of hyperarousal, try some of these coping skills to bring your nervous system out of high alert: Deep breathing Meditation Use your @ilovetouchpoint Coloring Restorative yoga If uncertainty has you in a state of hypoarousal, try some of these coping skills to wake your nervous system back up: Exercise Listen to energetic music Dance Sing Breathwork https://instagr.am/p/CHLPKXgDPzi/

Our brain is composed of the prefrontal cortex & the subcortex, which is the brain stem & limbic system. The subcortex controls the autonomic nervous system, which is composed of the sympathetic nervous systen (fight & flight) and parasympathetic nervous system (rest & digest). Trauma causes dysregulation in both the prefrontal cortex & subcortex. In the prefrontal cortex it causes cognitive dysregulation. In the subcortex it causes emotional & physical dysregulation via t...he SNS & PNS. When we talk about trauma we heal it & get regulated in the prefrontal cortex. But what about healing & regulating the subcortex? That’s where Brainspotting comes in. Eye positions can access trauma in the subcortex, allowing you to process & discharge the emotions & body sensations associated with it so you can heal & regulate on all levels. The eye position (Brainspot) shows activity in the subcortex in response to focused attention on the trauma. Brainspotting isn’t about the client following my direction, it’s about me following the client. I am there to facilitate their self-healing & then get out of their way! That's Brainspotting in a nutshell https://instagr.am/p/CJG9CsuDDc9/ See more

You will get through today & tomorrow (and the next day, and the next day, depending on how this all goes). Time may seem to move at a snails pace, your anxiety may tell you otherwise, but you will get through it & it will end. You are allowed to engage in whatever healthy self-care you need to. It doesn't matter what other people think of it, or what they are or arent' doing, you do you. The only person you can control is yourself. And really, IMO, the only thing you c...an totally control about yourself is your behavior. You certainly cannot control others, nor should you try to as it's a losing battle & you need all the strength you can muster right now. You are entitled to all your feelings about this election & its outcome. Remember, feelings & actions are two different things. You're not entitled to act however you want during this election & its outcome. But you are certainly entitled to any & all feelings that come up for you internally around these things. You can take action to support causes you believe in. If things that happen during & after this election don't sit well with you, you're allowed to take action to try to create change & make your voice heard. https://instagr.am/p/CHIvyPZj6eo/ See more

Just like always needing to be in an emotionally enmeshed relationship can be part of codependence, so can avoidance of relationships and/or intimacy with other people. Some codependents prefer isolation and avoidance. Relationships with others can be too close or hurtful for them, so they just don't engage. And intimacy of varying types is just way too scary, so it's avoided as well. I think that looking at these avoidance patterns is really important because they can... be easily overlooked in discussions of codependence. But many codependents struggle with them some or all of the time. If this pattern really resonates with you, I suggest you also look into something that comes up in the program of Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) - anorexia. Not the Eating Disorder, but anorexia around love, intimacy, and relationships. Give it a Google and see if that info resonates with you as well. https://instagr.am/p/CHGJa4JjfQE/ See more

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Establishing (or re-establishing) a relationship with your Higher Power can be viewed as an exercise in reparenting. If there's this thing that's greater than you and it can bring you back to a state of health and balance, why not imbue it with all the qualities you wish your primary caregivers had during your childhood? You can certainly still work on reparenting yourself. But wh...y not add your Higher Power to the list of things that can help heal your inner child? Some ideas on reparenting-friendly qualities your Higher Power can have: Accessible Attentive Balanced Benevolent Caring Comforting Communicative Compassionate Creative Empathic Dynamic Encouraging Funny Free Friendly Gentle Graceful Healing Healthy Honest Intelligent Joyous Just Kind Loving Nonjudgmental Organized Patient Playful Receptive Reliable Responsible Safe Sensitive Strong Supportive Thoughtful Trustworthy Understanding Warm https://instagr.am/p/CHDftTBD4VS/ See more

When it comes to trauma work, including these journaling prompts, only do what doesn't take you out of your window of tolerance. Exercises like these aren't meant to flood you or to shut you down. If they do either then it's time to stop, rest, & regroup. What happened today that shows progress in your trauma recovery? It's important to focus on the positives, on your strengths, and what's going right. It's so easy to focus on the negatives that it's important to make ...a point to look at the good stuff in a purposeful way. What thoughts & feelings come up when you read this: "I am not at fault for what happened to me?" It's good to examine any self blame or shame you might still have around why your trauma happened to you. What would you say to your inner child about your trauma healing journey thus far? Use this as a little reparenting exercise. Talk to your inner child the way you wish your primary caregivers had talked to you way back when. Write 10 realistic and believable affirmations for yourself. Emphasis on realistic & believable! These need to be things you actually believe, or want to believe, not anything that rings hollow. https://instagr.am/p/CHA2rpUDSHj/ See more

In my experience, people who are being manipulative or narcissistic in their relationships with others rarely think that they are, or question themselves about their motives. If you're worried that you're being manipulative or narcissistic, odds are pretty good that you're not. Obviously self-reflection is good. You want to think about the things you're doing and question yourself in a measured way. But when you find yourself obsessing or beating yourself up about ...possibly being manipulative or narcissistic, you're probably just stuck in a self-hate cycle. Your inner critic is on a rampage. In my experience, people who are genuinely very manipulative or narcissistic don't really question themselves. They are low on the self-reflection scale. So if you find yourself worried about these traits within yourself...there's a pretty good chance that you're actually just fine. https://instagr.am/p/CG-S6mxjipi/ See more

Habitually judging others harshly puts you at a distance from them. It makes it very hard to make authentic connections with other people. We can all find things we don't like about others. But by constantly putting those things in the front of your mind, you make it very difficult to form any lasting relationships. Frequent harsh judgements about others can be a form of avoiding connection & vulnerability with people. How can you form relationships if you're constantly looking down on others from up above? Do you use harsh judgements as a way of maintaining distance from other people? Are you afraid to connect, and prefer to avoid emotional intimacy with others? https://instagr.am/p/CG7uq_0jyjS/

12 Step programs aren't cults. Have there been 12 Step cults? Sure. There have been many Christian cults. People can take any ideology and use it as the basis for their cult. That doesn't make the original source of the ideology a cult, though. I'll use Dr. Margaret Singer's cult criteria to illustrate how 12 Step programs aren't cults. Keep in mind that most groups of people can meet one or two of the criteria. The problem is when they meet most or all of them. 1) ...Keep the person unaware of what is going on & how they are being changed one step at a time. It's very easy to learn about the entirety of how 12 Step programs work before you ever try them. There are no secrets to how the process works, it's all out in the open for anyone to see. 2) Control the person's social and/or physical environment; especially control the person's time. There are no social, physical environment, or time requirements for members. No one is kicked out of a program for not spending enough time on or with the program. 3) Systematically create a sense of powerlessness in the person. I think this is the criteria where the strongest argument could be made for meeting it. Step 1 of the 12 Steps does ask you to admit that you are powerless over your substance of choice. Members & literature will often suggest that the programs are the only way to get recovery. However, you admit powerlessness over a substance only, not over your life or choices. And there is no requirement that you believe 12 Step programs are the only way to recover in order to participate in them. 4) Manipulate a system of rewards, punishments and experiences in such a way as to inhibit behavior that reflects the person's former social identity. No such manipulation happens in 12 Step programs. You are supposed to inhibit behavior that reflects your former social identity as an alcoholic or addict, aka not drinking or using. But that is up to you, no one in program can make you do that. Continued in caption... https://instagr.am/p/CG5KyAWj3Os/ See more

One of the diagnostic criteria of PTSD is "persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations of others." Because of this, it's easy for people with PTSD to take ambiguous situations and put a negative slant on them. Face masks hide much of our faces, and can make it difficult to read someone's facial expressions. Some people with PTSD are finding the face mask situation very challenging because they keep finding themselves assuming that others are angry or... upset with them because they cannot fully read the facial expressions of these people. If this is happening every day it can cause tremendous emotional and mental stress. If you have PTSD and this is happening to you, you are not alone. This experience makes sense in the context of PTSD. You are not weird or wrong for experiencing this. Do your best to have compassion for the part of yourself that makes these assumptions. You developed this coping skill for a reason, & it likely served you well at one point in time. It has overstayed its welcome, and you can work to kindly part ways with it. https://instagr.am/p/CG2inFCjwKA/ See more

Dr. Robert Lifton was a preeminent scholar in the field of cultic studies, specifically in regard to thought reform (aka "brainwashing"). When people ask me, "What criteria does a group need to meet in order to be considered a cult?" I always refer to two sets of criteria, and one of them is Dr. Lifton's. Milieu Control. This involves the control of information and communication both within the environment and, ultimately, within the individual, resulting in a significan...t degree of isolation from society at large. Mystical Manipulation. There is manipulation of experiences that appear spontaneous but in fact were planned and orchestrated by the group or its leaders in order to demonstrate divine authority or spiritual advancement or some special gift or talent that will then allow the leader to reinterpret events, scripture, and experiences as he or she wishes. Demand for Purity. The world is viewed as black and white and the members are constantly exhorted to conform to the ideology of the group and strive for perfection. The induction of guilt and/or shame is a powerful control device used here. Confession. Sins, as defined by the group, are to be confessed either to a personal monitor or publicly to the group. There is no confidentiality; members' "sins," "attitudes," and "faults" are discussed and exploited by the leaders. Sacred Science. The group's doctrine or ideology is considered to be the ultimate Truth, beyond all questioning or dispute. Truth is not to be found outside the group. The leader, as the spokesperson for God or for all humanity, is likewise above criticism. Loading the Language. The group interprets or uses words and phrases in new ways so that often the outside world does not understand. This jargon consists of thought-terminating clichï¿s, which serve to alter members' thought processes to conform to the group's way of thinking. Doctrine over person. Member's personal experiences are subordinated to the sacred science and any contrary experiences must be denied or reinterpreted to fit the ideology of the group. ... https://instagr.am/p/CGz-4saDuf6/ See more

The last set of patterns of codependence, the avoidance patterns, are all about the ways in which codependents distance themselves from others. This may seem strange at first. Isn't codependency all about losing yourself in others? Getting too close, getting enmeshed, not knowing where they end & you begin? Yes, it is. And codependency is a disease of extremes. That means that just as codependents can swing to the extreme of enmeshment, they can also swing to the extrem...e of avoidance, disconnection, and isolation. One of the ways codependents can disconnect from others is by acting in ways that they know, consciously or not, will make others push them away. It's kind of the opposite of "You can't fire me because I quit!" if you will. If you act in ways that will make others distance themselves from you, you kinda get them to do your job for you. https://instagr.am/p/CGxU1URjV8b/ See more

To be honest, this is a pet peeve of mine. When people call 12 Step meetings classes or group therapy. I tend to be pretty precise about words, and I think this bothers me because both terms miss the mark on what 12 Step meetings actually are. Classes are taught by teachers, and they are primarily for learning information. There are no teachers (or leaders) at 12 Step meetings. And the primary purpose isn't just learning information. Members also share their stories and in...ternalize the information they learn via working the Steps. Group therapy is run by a therapist, and members are encouraged to talk to each other during the group. There are no therapists at 12 Step meetings. And crosstalk guidelines put the boundary in place that members do not talk to each other about their shares during the meeting. 12 Step meetings are peer support groups made possible by rotating volunteers that are elected to their positions and serve limited terms. If you attend a 12 Step meeting, don't expect to just learn or to get therapy. Expect to get connected to a group of peers who are struggling with the same issues you are. https://instagr.am/p/CGuqTUijk2n/ See more