Chrissy Follis, LMFT

We all have needs- it is what makes us human. Even those who pride themselves on not being needy still have needs simply because we are all designed to need connection with others. - When we are babies, we ACT out our needs because we don’t have the language to express our needs. We cry or throw tantrums or smile to get our needs met. If we are successful, when we have the vocabulary and insight to ask for what we need, we develop deeper connection and trust through the saf...ety that comes from asking for what we need despite the answer from a safe person. - However, if we lack safety in a relationship or were never taught the words or given insight it expressing our needs appropriately, we will ACT out our needs through roles (caretaker, golden child, rebel, achiever, etc) or patterns, or defenses that can lead to feeling exhausted, misunderstood, lonely and empty. Passive Aggressive strategies are ways we attempt to get our needs met through manipulating rather than just asking. - When I work with couples, I teach them tools to identify their needs, express them appropriately and how to respond to their partners needs that maintains connection, even if it means not being able to meet a need. - In your relationships, do you feel comfortable asking for your needs to be met or does it feel vulnerable? Do you see the ways you act out your needs? - Life becomes easier when you can ask for what you need. If this feels too risky to try with your partner or loved ones, start within your own self. See more

Creating change in our life is a more layered and nuanced process then setting a goal and hustling to make it happen. - Creating change often begins by looking at what are you tolerating as acceptable that really isn’t something to be tolerated or normalized. Is it the way someone speaks to you? The way you treat yourself? Do you believe you are worthy of having more in your life or do you tolerate believing that little is enough? What are you tolerating that really is unheal...thy? - This is where change begins- by choosing to believe that you no longer have to tolerate what isn’t helping you step into the version of yourself you know you were born to be. See more

Before we get caught up in expectations for 2021, or the narrative of fresh starts, new goals and lofty resolutions, let’s talk about how far we’ve come this year and who helped get us through this year. - Celebrate your people today. Take time to feel good about how you MADE IT through unprecedented times. Go into the New Year without a list of improvements but with hope that no matter what 2021 throws at us, with our people, we know we can do it.

Merry Christmas!

Yesterday, my best friend’s mom passed away. In her words about her dear mom, she shared a blessing that was given to her for this hard and sacred time: - May the peace of Christ be yours. May you feel your mother’s love forever... she will feel your love, because love is stronger than death. - The beauty and truth of those words stir my heart. As my sweet daughter proudly gave me her Christmas card this morning, simply saying, I love you- I could feel my heart stir even mo...re. - Love- the strongest, most beautiful, most powerful thing there is. It costs nothing and everyone has access to it, and when both given and received, it is transformative to your soul. - This Christmas, don’t miss the simplicity of Love. That even in death and loss and messiness and hard- Love is still here, with you. With us. Nothing can separate us from the transcendence of Love. - May the peace of Christ be yours. May you feel love and that yours feel your love... because love is stronger than death (and loss and separation and disconnect and exhaustion and loneliness). - Merry Christmas. See more

If you are feeling tapped out, burned out, and depleted this Christmas- you are not alone. - It seems especially tough to have the hardest holiday of the year at the end of a remarkably hard year. - If you are grasping this year to find the pieces to hold it together for you, your children and your family- please know there is no shame in feeling that way.... - It’s easy to rush to the reframe, the silver lining, the hope- but sometimes part of our healing comes from recognizing that we are weary- unapologetically so. - Feeling the permission to be where we are at without shame or pressure to hustle emotionally can lead to an exhale. Finding ourselves in the darkness is part of life. - You will find the light again- it always comes... but until then, release the shame and pressure. Acknowledge that you can feel disconnected AND still be open to experiencing joy in the midst of it. Darkness causes us to slow down, to rest, to tune inward. When we do that, we often discover that we have what we need to connect to parts of this holiday that we need to help breathe life back into our weary hearts. See more