Ashley Miller Wellness, Psychotherapy

"One of my favorite subjects of contemplation is this question: Since death is certain, but the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing? ...You know you will die, but you really don’t know how long you have to wake up from the cocoon of your habitual patterns. You don’t know how much time you have left to fulfill the potential of your precious human birth. Given this, what is the most important thing? Every day of your life, every morning of your life, you could ask yourself, As I go into this day, what is the most important thing? What is the best use of this day? At my age, it’s kind of scary when I go to bed at night and I look back at the day, and it seems like it passed in the snap of a finger. That was a whole day? What did I do with it? Did I move any closer to being more compassionate, loving, and caringto being fully awake? Is my mind more open? What did I actually do? I feel how little time there is and how important it is how we spend our time. What is the best use of each day of our lives? In one very short day, each of us could become more sane, more compassionate, more tender, more in touch with the dream-like quality of reality. Or we could bury all these qualities more deeply and get more in touch with solid mind, retreating more into our own cocoon. " - Pema Chodron

https://www.npr.org//how-to-set-boundaries-with-family-and

When we are in our ego, we are in defense mode. We are defending our own identity our own internal court case. Our only objective is to be ‘right.’ When we are... in ego, we block connection + authentic communication. It takes lots of practice to begin to communicate from a space of vulnerability. Especially if we have unresolved childhood trauma which caused us to always avoid our own pain + protect ourselves. Few adults are aware of their own inner child who still projects the conflicted relationship of a parent-figure into a partner. The inner child expects that partner to validate them, meet all their needs, ‘just know’ what they want, + choose them above themselves. This is not only unrealistic it will lead to resentment for everyone involved. Ways to begin authentic communication: 1. Be aware of your + your partners nervous system. Authentic communication takes place when we are in a social engagement state (Polyvagal theory) In this state we are open, relaxed, heart race is slowed down, + we have no fight or flight response. 2. When you begin to feel a fight or flight response (heart rate rises, chest tightens, you begin sweating or feeling hot, jaw tightens) pause + speak that you need a break to your partner. Come back after both of you feel regulated. 3. The inner child’s greatest fear is being abandoned + not being loved. Often we don’t know how to say this + begin deflecting or score keeping to our partners. Begin putting words to your true (core) feelings. If you’re not comfortable, write them down. 4. LISTEN. Be fully present. Pause before you go to speak or defend. All someone a safe space to express (this takes practice if you did not get this as a child) 5. Forgive YOURSELF. Our romantic relationships are our greatest trigger because they are reminders of our first attachment to parent figures. If we didn’t have secure attachments we can behave in many ways that harm ourselves + the people we love. Behavior is simply adaptations (protections to keep us safe from pain. Forgive yourself for what you’ve done as protection. This enables you to forgive your partner, too #selfhealers

Great episode on empathy.

A note to self about how I need to treat myself and others in the midst of weariness. With a little tenderness. Favorite cover: Otis Redding ... Lyrics: Jimmy Campbell, Reg Connelly, and Harry M. Woods See more

Tag someone who’s doing the work to end the cycle of generational trauma. You can tag YOURSELF too own it #selfhealers

https://podcasts.apple.com//podcast/the-goop/id1352546554

The inner child exists within all of us. The experiences, wounding, trauma, + attachments we experience as children have the most profound effect on how we beha...ve as adults. This part of us doesn’t just go away. Let’s say you get a call from your boss. He tells you that your presentation or spreadsheet needs a bit of work. Immediately your heart starts racing. Thoughts flood your mind: I’m an idiot. I’m going to lose my job I’ll never get a promotion. Your boss objectively explains the two issues there are with your work that can be fixed easily. Your wise adult self can hear this. A few changes + you’ll be all good. Your adult wise adult self understands these changes mean nothing about who you are, they’re just necessary to get the best result. Your inner child is panicked. Right back to when you were 9 years old + went up to your mom with your report card. You were excited to show her how well you did. She glances down at the report card + notices that although you got almost straight A’s, you got one B. She says Wow, what happened here? Why did you get a B? Too bad, you almost got it perfect. In that moment your child self was crushed. Shamed. The person you desperately wanted to see you left you feeling less than. On that phone call, your inner child is with you. How do we do inner child work? Acknowledge those feelings. Take a deep breath + allow the feelings + thoughts without judging yourself. Often we dismiss or invalidate the inner child’s emotions (as a parent once did). Being dialogue with the inner child that’s ok. This feels scary. You’re ok. We are ok. I am here to protect you. You’re loved. You’re worthy just as you are. This feels awkward at first + with practice it brings healing #selfhealers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gjCN-pB-WM

OMG! Such an informative episode! I learned so much and will be encouraging most of my clients to listen to this. I can't wait to buy their book! https://brenebrown.com//brene-with-emily-and-amelia-nagos/

Burnout. We’re all there. It’s exhausting. The good news? There’s a path through it. In this episode of #UnlockingUs I talk to Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski abo...ut their book, Burnout. I’ve been practicing their 7 complete the stress cycle strategies since we recorded the podcast and I must say: Total game changer! HUGE learning for me: Dealing with the STRESSOR is just one part of dealing with burnout. The other part is dealing with the STRESS by completing the stress cycle and getting through that emotions tunnel. You can listen to our conversation here: https://bit.ly/3iRRX4Q

People pleasing looks like saying yes to everything or being the person who’s always there for anything that’s needed. People pleasing comes from codependency... dynamics. Where we gain our sense of self through what other people think of us. This usually means having no boundaries + neglecting our own needs in the process. As a recovering people pleaser, I used to think I was being a good person by always being available. This made me selfless. Of course, I always felt overwhelmed + usually resentful. This is because I wasn’t actually pleasing anyone I was attempting to control how people viewed me. This exhausting cycle felt like riding an emotional roller coaster. I remember feeling guilt for weeks after saying I couldn’t go to a family event, or if needed some space. There’s so much fear when we don’t trust our ability (+ right) to have our own limits. Ask yourself: WHY am I doing this? Do I genuinely want to? Does this bring me joy as well as the other person? Am I attempting to control the way someone perceives me? Emotionally healthy people have clear boundaries. They say no, kindly + clearly. They allow for people to view them as they choose + do not take it personally #selfhealers

It’s ok to not be ok. It’s a tough world out there and we need to be there for each other. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a friend, family member, or anyone! Your mental health matters. You matter. #WorldMentalHealthDay

Except from an interview I just did with Yoto about Mop Rides and teaching mindfulness to kids.

Our first relationships with caregivers teach us how to love. How they love themselves, becomes how we love ourselves. How they love us, becomes how we love oth...ers. If we had caregivers who micromanaged our experiences (told us what/how to think, told us how to feel, crossed boundaries + over involved themselves in our relationships) we became disconnected from ourselves + our intuition. When we are disconnected from intuition (or inner knowing) we lack self trust. We become fearful. As a result we seek to control those we love. Behind all controlling behavior is deep rooted fear. And an inner child that feels deeply unseen, unheard, + unable to authentically express. Journal prompts: 1. When I feel abandoned (or like I may be abandoned by my partner) I respond by __________________ 2. When I tell my partner to do something, act a certain way, or believe something they may not believe I’m feeling ___________________ 3. When my partner attempts to shift or change parts of myself it brings up the feeling of ___________________ 4. I feel seen + heard by my partner when they __________________ 5. My partner feels seem + heard when I _________________ (this involves asking them + actively listening to their response #selfhealers

It is not insane to repeat the same behaviors + be surprised, hurt, or feel shame from the result. It’s actually quite logical. Quite sane. So many people feel ...shame over their patterns. Especially when they repeat patterns they know are painful or harmful. From birth to age 7, we are being conditioned in a way that is most impactful for our adult life. Our brain waves are altered + we become tiny human sponges. What were modeled by our closest attachment (parent figures) becomes our conditioning. Conditioning is our programmed, unconscious, responses, habit responses. In order to create new responses, we have to practice self witnessing. Observing what we think, how we speak, how we react. With this expanded consciousness, we can make small choices outside of our conditioning. Like a muscle, new choices must be practiced. As you do the work, know that when old patterns come up + this is just protection. An attempt from the brain to keep you in the predictable future. More than anything, our minds (+ our ego) resist what they cannot predict. The mind will always try to keep you repeating past patterns in an attempt to keep you in the safe, predictable past. It’s quite logical #selfhealers

Fear and worry don’t have to be your constant companions. Join bestselling author and psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson for 5 powerful practices for managing stress.

Hi all, This episode Dax Sheppard is being honest about relapsing after 16 years of sobriety. He relapsed on pain killers. It's really common for people in sobriety to relapse on pain killers after surgery. It is a humbling, honest and healing episode. I recommend it for sober folks or people who have struggled with pain killer addiction.

Always.... : instagram.com/lauraheartlines