Art of the Heart

I taste you on my fingertips as each page of our life together is turned. Reading each page, your eyes blazingly light my way. The character building is precisely unfolding with each word I read, because we are writing it every moment breathe. Such an intriguing story, with plot twists and depth. Joy and sadness, darkness and light, smiles and pain, knowing and discovery. ... And as this story, with its spicy, lucid, romantic, crazy existence together begins to close. I slow my reading, tasting every word as our lives unfold. Coming towards the last few pages in this... book of us, I pause, breathe and close the book, unfinished. Never wanting to come to, the end. T. G. G. 9/29/20

I’m sorry... last week was suicide awareness week. I’m a little late, but today is suicide awareness day as well, and so is tomorrow. #twloha #imhereforyou #iloveyou... Is there a reason to continue? When the darkness comes and creeps back into my head, when all I strive for becomes seemingly useless. When the struggle to remain positive and happy is overtaken by dark, negative, sad, lonely, depressing, fearful, ugliness. Is there a reason to continue? So many times crawling out of the dark, depressing thoughts. Thoughts of lose and pain, and anguish over decisions made years, decades ago. And yesterday, or today. Thoughts of inadequacy and not being heard, thoughts of being treated like less than I am. Is there a reason to continue? The harsh realities of my life aren’t any worse than yours, Yet they haunt me, I agonize over them, they’re uncontrollable at times and the darkness takes over. I want to disappear, vanish never to be seen again, move away to a place no one knows my name or my history so that I can rewrite my story, make it happy and lovely. But the truth is.... that is not going to eradicate the demons. They’d follow along just to fuck with me. This life, this time, is all I have. Is there a reason to continue? Yes. The answer is always unequivocally, a resounding... Yes. Because what happens in my head isn’t the reality. It isn’t what I think it is. There are trees for the sun to shine through, stars to gaze upon, hands to hold and hearts to warm. Smiles to share with strangers, lemonade to buy from kids on their front lawns. Ice cream on a hot day. Simple, seemingly inconsequential, minute happenings that brighten your day. And if your focus is there, the darkness fades. Is there a reason to continue? Of course my dear. You are loved, and that is all the reason you’ll truly ever need. There will be good times, and bad. Yet how can you ever expect to hold the beauty of the glorious, if you never suffer the dark. The sun rises and sets everyday. So should you. Please stay. I love you. T. G. G. 9/15/2020

Drowning in what could have been, keeps one from swimming into what is to be. T. G. G. 9/10/20

There are these things I do. I do them without thinking, they come perfectly naturally. It seems I have been doing them all my life. They are breathing, and thinking of you. T. G. G. 9/4/20 2:22am