The Healing Path

Things may feel chaotic and overwhelming, but I am reminded today that we all have an internal lamp, our deepest source of strength, that we can turn on when we need it most. Maybe you haven’t connected with that light in some time. Sometimes we swim through dark waters while we attempt to find our way clear. We claw our way out of chaos, we wake up and face uncertainty, we second guess our choices and wonder why we are here again with someone or something. Close your ...eyes and feel that light coming on. The light that reminds you of all you have overcome so far. The light that tell you, you can do tough things, you’ve conquered worse. Your strongest Self is always there, waiting for you to turn the light of courage on, pick yourself up and not give up, no matter what you are facing. ~ H.Wells, 2020 #nationalmentalhealthday #mentalhealth #oaklandtherapist #choosepeace #selfcare #selflove www.heidikwellsmft.com

Accepting the things we cannot change does not mean we have to tolerate everyone and everything around us. We always have a choice in the boundaries we have with others. Dysfunctional relationships, codependent and toxic behaviors don’t have to be a part of your Serenity Prayer. Having the wisdom to know the difference is the work - and for survivors of trauma, abandonment or a chaotic childhood, this wisdom and ability to make boundaries often doesn’t come naturally. Take inventory of the people and things in your life. Decide what is supporting vs. harming you. You are not required to tolerate bad behavior. We always have a choice. ~ H. Wells, 2020 www.heidikwellsmft.com #healing #oaklandtherapist #bayareatherapy #codependency #relationshipquotes #healthyrelationships #serenityprayer #findingpeace

Struggles can feel like a deep valley we can’t find our way out of. Internal obstacles can paralyze us and prevent us from even seeking out or receiving help. The pandemic has increased feelings of depression and anxiety many folks hadn’t experienced before: Parents who are now also at-home teachers, essential workers who have to keep pushing forward despite their fears and exhaustion, millions out of work, and an environment of people divided and full of rage - how do we ...survive and keep our sanity? How do we continue to climb with so much pulling us down? It is imperative that we tap into our well of resources if we are to survive emotionally. Who are your healthy connections? Where do you go to get peace? What changes can you make today, no matter how small, to improve your external environment? Start with faith and the belief that there is something greater than ourselves that will see us to the other side. Have courage amidst adversity and tell yourself you can do this. The choices we make today have the greatest impact on tomorrow. You have strength within, even if your light is dim. Don’t give up, better days are coming. ~ H. Wells, 2020

Today I recognize how even at our strongest we have limitations on how much energy we can give. Being strong for others begins with finding your own strength and learning how to stand up again and again. This world isn’t built for the fragile, even though some of us will always need nurturing. It begins with you, learning to love yourself beyond your past, pain, challenges and tragedies. Therapy helps us move from victim-mindset to warrior, not easily, not overnight, but with time and effort. Being in denial creates obstacles that prevent us from growing in the right direction, but all is not hopeless. One small step, a choice that reflects self-love or the belief in its possibilities is all that is needed. ~ H. Wells, 2020 www.heidikwellsmft.com #therapy #healing #nurturing #selflove #teletherapy

Oh this life was never meant to be just walking in the park. For every time we will walk in brightness, there will be a times we walk in the dark. ~ Corinne Shields How do we show up for the people we love that are struggling? The best we can do is to be present, and walk beside those we love, supporting them through good and bad times, remaining consistent in our love and compassion. Sometimes life is messy and painful. Struggles makes us stronger, but not necessarily ...when they’re happening. Healing can’t be rushed. We have to take time to experience and process our emotions at our own pace. When we go to a doctor, there is an assessment made before we are given a protocol and prescription (hopefully). In the same way, our emotional pains need to be assessed before we can begin to heal them internally. When healing is rushed, denied, or overlooked it often emerges as a new pain, in the form of unwanted behaviors or dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Supporting ourselves and others involves being present for the pain while sitting patient with the journey. People don’t often change or fix their patterns because we share a quote, cliché, or our great advice for how and what they should do. Often, re-experiencing painful events is what sets many people on the path towards change. If people got it right the first time, they wouldn’t be in tough situations repeatedly. Be patient. Take a breath. Remember what it took for you to learn your way out of something similar in the past. Be a good listener. We all need to feel heard, held and love by those that care for us. Be there for those you claim to love, with your heart and full presence. ~ H. Wells, 2020

If you grew up in a chaotic family environment, you may have issues with healthy attachment that permeate your life and relationships. This kind of anxious attachment creates feelings of being trapped or suffocated once we commit. We begin to attach our fears of that same chaos, instability and pain onto all new situations in our lives we attempt to commit to. We get bored or irritated with new jobs, homes and people soon after we acquire them. These symptoms of unres...olved engulfment, including the need to be on the move geographically; a persistent quitting of jobs; a never-ending quest for ‘the one’; an addiction to seeking (even after finding); the termination of love relationship when they get too close; and the preferring of fantasy and part-time lovers to having intimacy with your partner. - Jeff Brown We can’t celebrate commitments in the present if we are attached to pain from the past. Healing is possible it requires looking at our child Self, and exploring the impact of never feeling like we are enough. We all yearn to belong and believe that others can hold, love and cherish us, even when we can’t. ~ H. Wells 2020

Don’t let disappointments rob you of your hope. Each day we have the opportunity to start again, change what isn’t working and reset our focus. Don’t give up, we’re almost there. ~ H. Wells, 2020

We cannot love others fully if we are unable to listen to them at the heart level. Often, we practice listening with bated breath, meaning we listen from an eager, anxious, excited or defensive place that prevents us from truly understanding another. When we listen from this place, the only thing we hear is the voice in our head waiting to say what we have to say. Understanding, communication and connection can’t grow when this happens in relationships. We cannot love one... another deeply unless we begin to practice being conscious and mindful when we listen. When someone is speaking, put your phone down, make eye contact, and pause before you respond. Let go of your need to be right, your desire to know and the impulse to argue and blame. Listen carefullysomeone is speaking to your heart. ~ H. Wells, 2020. Photogaphy: Tim Mossholder

As imperfect people, we all mistakes. We hurt others, we hurt ourselves and sometimes we suffer or cause others suffering in the process. It is through this very process that we have the opportunity learn if we choose to do so. Most harmful actions are the result of personal pain, hurt people, hurt people and not intentional or malicious. The lens we see hurt and pain through is shaped by our own past experiences and pain we continue to hold on to. Wrong perceptions ca...use us suffering. Unless we clarify them or simply ask the person their intention, we end up making assumptions, which if wrong, can ruin relationships, friendships and trust. Turning assumptions into truth is like turning garbage into flowers, requiring only a willingness to learn from the past, the courage to seek truth in the present, and a desire to transform pain into healing. ~ H. Wells, 2020 See more

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert We must fight for FREEDOM in this same way, by striving, fighting and insisting on it! ~ H. Wells,2020

When emotions don’t feel safe we struggle to be vulnerable. This prevents us from being our truest and most authentic self with others. Understanding our roadblocks is a start. ~ H.Wells 2020 www.heidikwellsmft.com #healingtherapy #healingpaththerapy #vulnerability #therapyhelps #oaklandtherapist #teletherapy #codependencyrecovery #

Anything of value in life is multiplied when given. It’s easy to focus on ourselves and what our wants and needs are. When our lens is narrow, it limits our perspective on what we value. We want more, we give less. The very things we value are things we need to give in order to receive them back in our lives. Think about the story of the porcupine that wanted to be loved but whose bristles pushed others away. Like the porcupine’s bristles, many of us have been hardene...d or calloused by fear, rejection, trauma and loss. The suit of armor we wear for protection, can also prevent us from experiencing the very things that could heal us. Right now, amidst so much chaos and hatred, it behooves us to dig deep and ask ourselves what we want multiplied in our lives and how we can give that to the world around us. What are you prepared to give in order to get what you want and increase what is valuable to you? See more