Andrew Saunders, LMFT, SAP

my brain and heart divorced a decade ago... over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become eventually, they couldn't be in the same room with each other now my head and heart share custody of me I stay with my brain during the week and my heart gets me on weekends they never speak to one another - instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every week and their notes they send to one another always says the same thing: "This is all your fault" on Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me down in the past and on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the future they blame each other for the state of my life there's been a lot of yelling - and crying so, lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my gut who serves as my unofficial therapist most nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcage and slide down my spine and collapse on my gut's plush leather chair that's always open for me ~ and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes up last evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my head I nodded I said I didn't know if I could live with either of them anymore "my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterday while my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow," I lamented my gut squeezed my hand "I just can't live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future," I sighed my gut smiled and said: "in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while," I was confused - the look on my face gave it away "if you are exhausted about your heart's obsession with the fixed past and your mind's focus on the uncertain future your lungs are the perfect place for you there is no yesterday in your lungs there is no tomorrow there either there is only now there is only inhale there is only exhale there is only this moment there is only breath and in that breath you can rest while your heart and head work their relationship out." this morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leaves and while my heart was staring at old photographs I packed a little bag and walked to the door of my lungs before I could even knock she opened the door with a smile and as a gust of air embraced me she said "what took you so long?" ~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

this has never been more true

words to live by

I think one of the most important things to learn in our #recovery journey is how the brain works and that it really is on our side and trying to make us feel b...etter. It wants us to be back in homeostasis. The brain has three levels predominantly and that they are all interlinked and speak differently to one another with different jobs. Firstly the oldest and strongest in effect is the LOWER, OR REPTILIAN, BRAIN STEM, which is primarily associated with the unconscious regulation of internal homeostasis (van der Kolk, 2003). Think - breathing, heart rate, and all the more unconscious bodily type functions come from here. Then there is the PALEOMAMMALIAN BRAIN, often called the mid-brain or limbic system, which sits over the reptilian brain. This limbic system is found in all mammals and is particularly strong in elephants and horses, which is why horses work so well in therapy - they can read exactly what you are feeling. The limbic system is primarily emotional and involved with learning, motivation, memory, emotional regulation, and some social behaviour (Cozzolino, 2002). We’d have been ok if evolution had left it there, as the lower two - often known as the survival brain, or maybe even the unconscious brain in Freudian terms, work pretty well together. The problem is that when we then evolved as homo sapiens, we developed the upper brain or neocortex, the thinking brain, which thinks its way out of things and doesn’t 'feel' so well. THE UPPER BRAIN, OR NEOCORTEX, is responsible for higher brain functions (Siegel, 1999), analysis of the external world, and self-awareness and consciousness. Basically, it’s our ability to think about our emotions which sets us apart as the superior species (allegedly!). It’s also our downside and the seat of our dysfunction because, pretty often, our thinking brain cortex gets into terrible disagreements with our emotional system - the limbic part. Then we have a real fight on our hands. I’ll explain more in later posts about why our associations, memories, and alert systems are stored in our limbic system and how we or our thinking brain often does all it can to avoid going downstairs or getting triggered! Which is why alcohol, drugs, food, and other coping strategies work so well in the short term to dampen down our limbic systems. Until next time, just try to remember, your brain is really your ally, it’s wiring is just a bit awry! Hugs Lou xx

Signs of a small window of tolerance 1. You’re constantly on edge You feel like the slightest thing can send you into overdrive or make you shut down completely. 2. Frequent angry outbursts you feel irritable more often than not and it doesn’t take much to make you fly off the handle. ... 3. Easily Overwhelmed it doesn’t take much for you to get totally stressed out, anxious, or even have a panic attack. 4. Chronic Depression feeling numb and disconnected is a sign of being below the window of tolerance. 5. Zoning out Dissociation is when you feel disconnected from your body (#depersonalization) or from your surrounds (#derealization). At one time it may have been helpful, but now it’s getting in the way of your daily functioning. Learning how to widen your window of tolerance is the first step in getting ready for reprocessing trauma. Only when we can feel the stress of remembering a traumatic event without feeling overwhelmed or shutting down can we effectively re-process it. Learning how to widen your window also teaches you how to be more in control of your own emotions #dissociation #ptsd #CPTSD #trauma #traumacycle #psychoeducation #therapy #therapist #emdrtherapy #emdrtherapist #traumainformedcare #anxiety #stress #chronicstress #fight #flight #freeze #neuroscience #brainfacts #integration #evidencebased #DID #healing #recovery #ptsdrecovery #mentalhealth #mindfulness #mentalhealthmatters See more

Reposting a popular graphic from our website-- The Tree of Contemplative Practices http://www.trauma-informedpractice.com//mindfulness-mind-/

For anyone who'd like to understand a bit more about their autonomic nervous system and stress responses, I created this little graphic. Our nervous system is c...onstantly scanning the environment for signs of safety and danger, with the aim of setting responses in motion to keep us safe (alive!). When we are sensing safety, we are there in the centre, feeling calm and connected. Our ventral vagal nerve complex, which is responsible for social engagement, is switched on. The ventral vagal also acts as a kind of container for the other branches of the nervous system (sympathetic and dorsal vagal), helping to keep us on track with a gentle up and down rhythm (homeostasis). Sometimes we’ll be more active, like when we're playing, dancing, or vacuuming. These things take a bit of activation from the sympathetic nervous system, to give us the energy to move. Other times, we'll be more still, like when we are cuddling, relaxing, resting or meditating, and these things involve a little bit of activation of the dorsal vagal nerve complex so that we can remain still. But all the while, when our ventral vagal is activated, we're feeling safe, we're feeling good, like "we've got this". When our amydgala unconsciously perceives a threat (via "neuroception") in our environment (e.g. an alarm going off), relationships (e.g. our child crying, our partner snapping at us), or internally (e.g. a worrying thought, an uncomfortable sensation) our sympathetic nervous system automatically becomes activated. It triggers a release of adrenaline and cortisol, and we feel the energy in our body rising, preparing us for movement (mobilization), in an attempt to keep us safe from the perceived threat. We may experience an urge to lash out verbally or physically to confront the threat (fight). Or we might be compelled to use that energy to run away from the threat, escaping from the situation (flight). Either way, the situation will feel urgent, like we need to resolve it immediately. If these responses don't help to resolve the threat, our nervous system can have so much sympathetic activation that it is overwhelming, and our dorsal vagal nerve complex will kick in to shut it down. Its purpose is to make us more still (immobilized) in an attempt to help us survive the threat, and then allow us to get back to fighting or fleeing. We might fawn, where our self expression will be toned down. We might unconsciously do or say things that are not true to ourselves, in order to make us appear less threatening to the aggressor, and therefore more safe. And if that doesn't work, we might go into freeze, where we still have quite a lot of sympathetic activation, but our movement is very limited. At the very least, in this state we will be numb, no longer feeling the emotional or physical pain of an attack. Finally, if the dorsal vagal is jammed on with no sympathetic activation, we can collapse or flop, which is an attempt to keep us safe by feigning death. We are not designed to stay in any of these stress responses for very long. Ideally, once the danger has passed, our nervous system returns (back along the spiral) to a safe state fairly quickly. Those of us who have experienced chronic stress or trauma are more prone both to sensing threat and reaching the point of overwhelm. We also tend to get stuck in the different protective states. The further we get in the stress response (the spiral outwards), the further away we become from feeling connected to our body and our authentic self. We can become so mobilized that we are out of control, or so immobilized that we dissociate or collapse. I've found that just tracking where we are in the spiral throughout our day can be helpful. Knowing that these states happen unconsciously and automatically in the service of helping us to survive, rather than by choice, can also help us to feel more compassion for ourselves (and others). What can help even more is to get intimate with our own nervous system, to explore what triggers us into these protective states and what resources can help us to return to a sense safety, and to keep building the muscle that brings us back to our centre. These are some of the things that Angela Hill of Kinnect and I will be covering in our program, Rewire Through Regulation and Repair, while offering a safe and supportive environment in which to practice together. We'll be running our next round in October 2020, and you can find more information and sign up to be notified of future rounds on our website rewireforparenting.com. The information presented is based on Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, and is my take on Deb Dana's "Polyvagal Ladder". However, Fawn is not an explicitly recognised state in Porges' work.