Dr Colette Lord: Trauma Therapist

Children are hard wired to connect to their parents and are wholly dependent on their parents for care and love. So, when the parent or parental figure is also the one who abuses, hurts, or neglects the child, this betrayal is profound and quite difficult for the child to make sense of. For some children, the only way that their brains can make sense of this situation and maintain some semblance of sanity, is to split apart. This is what we refer to as structural dissociation.... They split apart their awareness and the part of self that knows and endures the abuse at the hands of their abusive parent. This side of the psyche holds the fear and anger towards the parent. The other part of self often does not know that the abuse is occurring and may only interact with the parent when they are being either loving or neutral. In this way they are able to maintain the loving feelings and the loyalty to their abuser. Even kids who do not completely split themselves apart with this knowledge, often will use dissociation to block out or minimize awareness of the abuse. Again, this allows them to preserve the relationship to some degree. So, be kind to yourself and others when they are not yet willing or able to face this really hard, terrible truth about their parental figure. It helped them survive their childhood. There is no shame in that. #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #Dissociation #DissociativeIdentity #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

There have been way too many legislative attempt to prevent trans girls in particular from playing sports this year, 30 and counting so far this year. First of all, trans girls are girls. Full stop. Secondly, this is not even an actual issue. The vast majority of girls playing girls sports are cisgender girls, as are the ones who win.... Thirdly, the worry that trans girls have an unfair advantage is not based in science, only in fear. Studies of testosterone in athletes do not show a clear and consistent advantage given with more testosterone. Lastly, this is just more of the same intersections of transphobia, white supremacy, and patriarchy. Which girls are going to be targeted the most using these proposed laws? It certainly isn’t going to be white girls. I stand with @PinkMantaRay in saying let trans girls play sports. Let’s get out there and help defeat these bills. To learn more visit TransAthlete.com or HRC.org. #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #LetTransKidsPlay #Ally #PRIDE #PRIDE2021

On June 19, 1865 enslaved African-Americans in Galveston, Texas were finally told that the Civil war had ended and that they were free. And thus was born, Juneteenth, an annual celebration commemorating the actual end of slavery in the US. It is also known as African-American Emancipation day. This is a day that has been celebrated in the Black community and there has been a growing push to recognize this more formally, especially after the surge of racial awakening that was ...happening in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. In fact, the Senate just passed a bill to make this a national holiday. As we continue to reckon with the reality of our country’s history and on-going systemic racism, acknowledgement and celebration of this holiday seems like a very small but important step. #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #emancipationday #blacklivesmatter

In my work, being disconnected or unaware of one’s body is a huge red flag signaling trauma and dissociation. If you are someone who does not know when they are hungry, when they are thirsty, when they have to use the restroom, or are prone to injuries that you did not notice, these are indications that something is missing. Often these strategies are learned in early childhood as coping skills for intolerable situations. If a baby cries because it is hungry, but no one ever ...responds, or responds inconsistently or angrily, the baby may learn to simply stop noticing when it is hungry. Depending on how the parental figures react, they may have concluded it is too painful to be hungry as no one feeds them, or they may conclude that having need are too painful as they will not be responded to. When that baby grows up into adulthood, they may find that physical sensations are experienced as scary, dangerous, harmful or toxic, which reinforces the strategy of dissociating away this knowledge. This in turn makes understanding emotions difficult. It can be a complex and difficult knot to untangle. Learning to be in the body, to notice physical sensations and then learn to connect them to what they signal takes time and work, but it can certainly be done. And it will be worth the effort. #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #Dissociation #Alexithymia #Emotions

Self-awareness and self-knowledge are in much too short supply these days. Therapy can help with this in many ways. And this past year with COVID and the lockdown have certainly seen an increase in people’s attempts to self-medicate, to flood this unendurable void with substances, with food, with social medial scrolling, with binge watching.... But these things will never truly satisfy, therefore, we have to keep doing them over and over. There is such incredible value in learning to sit with discomfort, physical or emotional, to learn about ourselves. Who are we when everything else quiets down and we have to take an honest look at ourselves? Gabor Maté is an incredibly empathic, caring physician who, in his search to understand addictions found that trauma and loss are often at their heart. Trauma and loss can rob us of self-knowledge and even the roadmap of how to find that knowledge. Find a trauma therapist, find a trauma-informed therapist, or body worker. Start dealing with your issues and yourself. #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #GaborMate

here is a lot of energy that is taken up in dissociative disorders when there are separate parts, ego states, alters, etc. This is because mental energy is needed to keep up the amnesic barriers between parts, between awareness and between conflicting emotional states. In addition, it takes a lot of work to do internal work, to try to communicate with parts, to try to facilitate sharing of ideas, feelings, memories, etc.... So, instead of beating yourself up for how much effort and energy it takes you just to get through the day, try thinking about how amazing it is that you accomplish all that you do, given how much of your daily emotional, mental and physical energy is taken up in dissociation. You are actually a rock star! #TraumaTherapySD #MentalHealth #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #DID #Dissociation #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #OSDD #OtherSpecifiedDissociativeDisorder

This coming week, October 25-31, is Ace Week, formerly Asexual Awareness Week. It is a week dedicated to raising awareness and understanding for those who are asexual and aromatic. Ace is an umbrella term for individuals who may identify in a variety of ways: Asexual someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction toward any gender.... Aromantic lacking interest I o desire for romantic relationships Demisexual lacking sexual attraction towards any person unless one becomes deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person. Asexuality is not a gender identity, it is not a fear of sex or relationships, and it is not synonymous with celibacy. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #asexual #aromantic

Memories are the architects of our identities because of the meaning we derive from our experiences, the messages about ourselves, our lives, relationships, family, and the world. And what if your memories are painful, and traumatic? What then? Too often the meaning we make of traumatic experiences is negative I am unsafe, I am weak, I am unlovable. This meaning goes onto inform many subsequent experiences and interactions. There is an accumulation effect over the course of... one’s life and sometimes a whole identity gets built around those traumatic experiences or messages. This is then hard work to change and heal, but it can certainly be done. For some, these accumulated experiences were so painful and/or inescapable, that protective barriers are erected around them. This can result in a less cohesive identity known as Dissociative Identity Disorder, which can also be healed, but must be done with care and with a therapist who has sufficient knowledge and training. EMDR therapy can help you change the way these memories are stored in your brain, and the meaning that is made from the experience can be edited to include updated information. This can have a profoundly healing impact on the individual. And then there is the hard work of carrying those internal changes forward into daily life. It often requires learning new skills, changing patterns of relating, making new decisions about if/how to relate to family, where to make healthy friends, and how to better take care of oneself. To learn more about EMDR therapy or dissociation click the link in my bio. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #dissociativeidentitydisorder #dissociation

These words are wise and cliché and true. But learning to let go of our desire to be understood is hard. Especially when our hurt separates us from our families and their understanding. Maybe that hurt is due to growing up in a chaotic, neglectful, abusive or toxic environment. Being the black sheep of the family is hard. Oftentimes there is too much denial within the rest of the family to see or validate your experience. Sometimes it is because a particular family member is ...not far enough along in their healing to be able to acknowledge the enormity of what happened. And too often, there is a minimization and invalidation of the hurt because it was not a one time, give traumatic event. When the trauma was a day to day invalidation of you and who you were it is harder to point out or explain to someone. Your experience is still valid. Maybe that hurt is due to your family’s inability to understand, validate and/or accept your sexuality or gender identity. It takes a great deal of courage to live as you are when your family and the world can’t understand you for who you are. Ultimately though, you have to find a way to be true to you, live your life and do what works for you. If your family can love you without understanding, that is still something to be cherished. For some LGBTQIA+ folx that means creating a chosen family, for some it is hanging with their families until they come around to understanding, for some it is remaining in the closet with family, and a whole range of other options in between. This work of healing can be lonely, that is why finding community is so important. And if community is not possible for you yet, then getting into therapy is that much more vital. It is important to have at least one supportive person who will see you, the messiness of your healing, and celebrate it. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #understanding #liveyourlife

National Spirit Day is a celebration that was started in 2010 by Brittany McMillan who wanted to take a stand against bullying and increase awareness for the issues faced by LGBTQIA+ youth. You may wonder why it matters or what the big deal is, but bullying can have serious mental health consequences in both the short term and the long term. Youth who have been bullied are at increased risk of substance use, academic problems, headaches and may do long term damage to the indi...vidual’s self-esteem. Those engaged in bullying are also at increased risk of depression. Surveys suggest that kids who show any kind of gender non-conformity experience a tremendous amount of harassment. We need to build tolerance for diversity of all kinds, and then we need to learn to celebrate diversity of all kinds. We are stronger because of those differences. Sources: GLAAD and National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #nationalspiritday2020 #nationalspiritday

October 15 is Infant & Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. When someone is going through a rough time a loss, a separation, an illness, etc.- they need support. Often the go to response is to say let me know if there is anything you need. But this is literally the LEAST that we can do. And it puts the burden on the person who is already burdened.... For many of us in those tough situations, it may be too difficult to ask for help, or we may not know what we even need. So instead, take on the burden yourself. Reflect on what might this person need for support right now and offer it. Do they need someone to just listen and talk to? Do they need help getting groceries? Help walking the dog? Company for dinner? A ride to an appointment? Offer what you think they need and keep offering it. Check in with them, let them know that you are there for them, they are in your thoughts and that you are willing to actually DO something to support them. #transaffirm #emdrtherapy #PTSD #grief #griefandloss #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #support #loss #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness

Does this sound familiar to you? So many of the people that I work with are beating themselves up about their past things they should or should not have done, things they wished they had figured out sooner, etc. And if you grew up in a home environment that was chaotic, toxic, neglectful or abusive, it is always easy to find a reason to not feel good enough. That is because of attachment trauma, which is the disruption to the process of an infant bonding with their primary ...caregiver. That is due to internalized negative beliefs about yourself that were developed and fostered in those environments. And I think most of us are desperately looking for distraction these days. But if a person has experienced attachment trauma then this need for distraction is intensified and it is difficult for them to simply be with themselves, their thoughts, or feelings or memories, because they are too painful. That is why dysfunctional coping strategies are so common. They seem like good solutions when the person is younger, but then they take on a life of their own. They don’t solve the problem of being with ourselves, and so are forever needing to be done again and again. These dysfunctional strategies can be to alcohol, marijuana or substance. It can be to shopping, acquiring, or getting things. Maybe it’s sex and pornography. Regardless, these are not the solution. Getting help and learning to be able to tolerate being in one’s own skin is the only way to letting go of the past and of current dysfunction. EMDR therapy can help. To learn more about EMDR therapy click the link in my bio. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #attachmenttrauma

October 11 each year is National Coming Out Day. This is a day to raise awareness of issues faced by individuals within the LGBTQIA+ communities and to raise awareness that homophobia and transphobia and all the phobias thrive in silence. National Coming Out Day was inspired by a 1987 march on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.... In researched published in Coming out is associated with in the Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine (2013) showed lower stress levels and a lower chance of depressive symptoms if a queer person had come out to friends and family. That being said, there is also a lot of stress associated with the evaluation of whether or not it is safe to come out and disclose an important aspect of yourself to others. And according to Market Watch (10/11/18) approximately 50% of LGBTQIA+ folx are not out at work. And for some folx there is a daily question of whether or not to come out to others because of the spaces that they are navigating. Especially for trans folx these issues come up when meeting a new medical provider, contacting insurance, dating, applying for a job, etc. Consider the amount of mental and emotional energy that requires. And of course, coming out to the wrong people can be dangerous people still lose their jobs, their homes, their partners and sometimes their lives. So the stakes are quite high. That is why it is so incredibly important to respect an individual’s decision about whether they are in or out of the closet. Either option is something to be respected and a deeply personal decision. Outing someone on purpose is harmful. Just don’t do it. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #nationalcomingoutday #comingoutday

EMDR therapy is powerful and can be used to help transform all types of traumatic experiences. Individuals from marginalized groups BIPOC, women, disabled, and the LGBTQIA+ communities, to name a few, face microaggressions that can lead to symptoms and experiences similar to PTSD. Microaggressions are the daily slights, insults, indignities and denigrating messages people in these groups receive, often from well intentioned others. These messages can be verbal, as inThese ...messages can be non-verbal, as in a white woman clutching her purse more tightly when a black man walks by. And finally, these messages can be environmental, such as confederate flags, statues, and street names. All these messages assault the individual’s consciousness and tends to wear them down, and may eventually be internalized by the individual as negative beliefs about themselves and others like them. It is these internalized negative beliefs that can be targeted and worked through with EMDR therapy. You do not have to continue to experience yourself as less than, regardless of where those messages come from. They can be changed and EMDR therapy can help you let go of the pain of your past, live more fully in the present and develop hope for the future. To learn more about EMDR therapy or my practice, click the link in my bio. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #microaggression

How many of us need to sit down and decide to love ourselves? Despite what our body looks like? Despite how others perceive us? Despite all those internalized messages that beat us down for our looks, our skin color, our gender, who we love? I think sometimes people dismiss this idea of loving ourselves as we are as somehow lazy, or a version of giving up. But that could not be further from the truth. It takes great courage and determination to decide to love ourselves. Even ...those lucky enough to grow up in a home that was loving and supportive, you cannot escape internalizing some of the negative things society has to say, in both ways large and small. Sometimes it’s being bullied in school for who you are or how you look. Sometimes it’s not seeing yourself represented in tv and movies and books. Sometimes it is the vitriol spilled by politicians. And often it is from advertisements that highlight all the ways in which we fall short. But we can learn to fight these internalized negative beliefs. We can learn to stand up to ourselves and others and decide to try to love ourselves no matter what. When you come from a family in which there was abuse or neglect, chaos or toxicity, this can be even more challenging. EMDR therapy is a powerful tool to help you change how you see yourself and your past, and get more hopeful about the future. To learn more about EMDR therapy, click the link in my bio. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #bodypositivity #loveyourself

There is a lot of misunderstanding and fear regarding hearing voices , having visions etc. According to the Hearing Voices Network (www.hearing-voices.org), somewhere between 3 and 10% of the people have experiences like these (increasing to about 75% if you include one off experiences like hearing someone call your name out loud). It is possible to be a healthy, functional person and hear voices.... Schizophrenia and other Psychotic Disorders, are not the only reasons a person may be hearing voices. And as a friendly reminder, having Schizophrenia does not make someone any more dangerous than anyone else. Hearing voices may be due to having PTSD and experiencing an auditory flashback in which you hear the voice of an abuser say things that you heard your abuser say. Hearing voices may be due to having dissociated parts of self that are attempting to communicate with you. Hearing voices or having vivid dreamlike experiences can occur as you fall asleep or wake up and are referred to as hypnopompic and hypnagogic hallucinations. Hearing voices may be a reaction to medications or substances. I myself have had visual hallucinations due to a medication interaction. Having these types of experiences does not make you sick, broken or disturbed. What matters more is how having these types of experiences affects you and how you make sense of what is happening. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #voicehearing #voicehearingnetwork

Being homesick for a home that never existed is a theme that comes up a lot with my clients who have attachment trauma. It is a longing for parents who could have loved them and been attuned to them in the way that they needed. It is hard, because this longing can keep them stuck in trying to get those needs met from dysfunctional people who are not capable of showing up for them. They keep giving family another chance to show up and care for them in the way that they need.... It isa hard pill to swallow that those who are supposed to be family and love us don’t know how to do that for us. That they are not happy to see the changes you make and the healing that is happening. But you can learn to let go and love yourself more than you love the idea of who your family is or the ideal of how family is supposed to be. And in my experience regular talk therapy is not enough in these situations, because you need to move from a cognitive, rational knowing to an embodied, felt sense. That is why EMDR therapy is so useful in these situations. It is okay to learn to love from afar, to set firmer boundaries, and to create your own family, based not on blood but on those who are willing and able to show up for you in the way that you need. You are enough. Right now, as you heal and you deserve to have people in your life who support you. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD

This week I am attending the annual EMDR conference in a virtual format. Although I miss the chance to connect in real life with others who share my passion, I am always excited to learn more and hone my skills. I am very happy that this year there is an increased focus on how EMDR can play a particular focus on racial issues such as systemic racism and psychotherapy, paths to an anti-racist therapy, critical race perspectives and more. Looking forward to absorbing as much as... I can and applying it to the work that I do. I look forward to taking what I learn from a social justice perspective and applying it to the work that I do with transgender folx, non-binary folx and the larger LGBTQIA+ communities. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #emdria2020

In this final post on resiliency we are looking at the aspect of spiritual fitness. I am defining spirituality as connecting to something greater than yourself. This does not necessarily mean religion. An important aspect of spiritual fitness is developing positive spiritual ways of coping. These include developing and maintaining a positive relationship with your higher power, using your spiritual community as a social resource and viewing your place of worship as a safe hav...en. People who in engage in positive spiritual coping have lower rates of stress, depression and anxiety and increased levels of life satisfaction and physical/mental well-being. It is important to remember that you can also make your situation worse by using negative religious or spiritual ways of coping. These include a focus on punishment and guilt, or abdicating responsibility and action to your higher power. If you are part of a spiritual community that makes you feel bad about yourself it may be time to look at whether this community is right for you. Connecting to your faith or spirituality can help rekindle your sense of hope in yourself, others and the future. Your faith can remind you that there is something bigger than you, something more for you to do in life. Spiritual fitness is about making time for obtaining inspiration, guidance and comfort from prayer, meditation, reading of sacred texts, meditation, devotional activities. Spiritual fitness is about developing a practice of forgiveness. This is about learning to forgive yourself, and as appropriate, to forgive others. Forgiveness can help release you from being dominated by feelings of anger, hostility guilt, shame or a desire for revenge. Forgiveness is a deliberate practice and takes time. It is not about condoning past bad behavior or allowing unhealthy people back into your life. It is about letting go of the pain that is keeping you stuck. Much of the above information is informed by Dr. Meichenbaum’s book Roadmap to Resilience. #traumatherapysd #emdr #therapy #CPTSD #resilience #forgiveness #spirituality