The Laugh Pack

Monday Pun-Day! I HAVE A FEW JOKES ABOUT UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE, BUT NONE OF THEM WORK! I RENAMED MY IPOD 'THE TITANIC', SO WHEN I PLUG IT IN, IT SAYS, ... "THE TITANIC IS SYNCING." WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU MELONS, YOU'RE DYSLEXIC! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HIPPO AND A ZIPPO? ---ONE IS REALLY HEAVY, AND THE OTHER IS A LITTLE LIGHTER. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW RESTAURANT CALLED KARMA? THERE'S NO MENU...YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE! I WENT TO BUY SOME CAMOUFLAGE PANTS YESTERDAY, BUT I COULDN'T FIND ANY! I TRIED TO SUE THE AIRLINE FOR LOSING MY LUGGAGE, BUT I LOST MY CASE! Thank you Alan Turell for submitting!

WHEN WE'RE YOUNG, WE SNEAK OUT OF OUR HOUSE TO GO TO PARTIES. WHEN WE'RE OLD, WE SNEAK OUT OF PARTIES TO GO HOME! GONNA ASK MY MOM IF THAT OFFER TO SLAP ME INTO NEXT YEAR IS STILL ON THE TABLE!

Some PUN FUN :) 1) I WAS KIDNAPPED BY MIMES.... THEY DID UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO ME! 2) POLICE CAR LOSES WHEELS TO THIEF...... COPS ARE WORKING TIRELESSLY TO NAB SUSPECT! 3) WHERE DID THE TERMINATOR FIND TOILET PAPER? === AISLE B, BACK 4) I WANTED TO BE A MONK... BUT I NEVER GOT THE CHANTS! 5) TO THE THIEF WHO STOLE MY GLASSES... I WILL FIND YOU, I HAVE CONTACTS! 6) I WENT TO THIS HORRIBLE BAR CALLED "THE FIDDLE" ===IT REALLY WAS A VILE INN! 7) MY FRIEND DAVID HAD HIS ID STOLEN... NOW HE'S JUST DAV. 8) A MAN WAS INJURED IN A BIZARRE PEEK-A-BOO ACCIDENT...HE'S IN ICU NOW! 9) THE FINEST SHOES ARE MADE OF SMOOTH LEATHER... MY OPINION WILL NEVER BE SUEDE! 10) IF ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX BROKEN HINGES... MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN! Submitted by our friend Alan Turell

Debate is over, time for some LAUGHS and FEEL GOOD FUN! 8:00 LIVE LAUNCH www.facebook.com/afineshowtv

Classic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV9HqPlS3fM

THIS, IS HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, I WAS SITTING IN MY CAR AT WALMART WATCHING THIS GUY WHO APPARENTLY FORGOT WHERE HE PARKED HIS CAR. HE KEPT PUTTING HIS REMOTE IN THE AIR AND EVERY TIME HE SQUEEZED IT..... I HONKED MY HORN!... 1990: "DON'T GET IN A CAR WITH STRANGERS." 2010: "DON'T MEET PEOPLE FROM THE INTERNET ALONE." 2020: UBER... "ORDER YOURSELF A STRANGER FROM THE INTERNET TO GET INTO A CAR WITH ALONE." MARRIAGE IS LIKE A DECK OF CARDS. IN THE BEGINNING, ALL YOU NEED IS 2 HEARTS AND A DIAMOND. BUT BY THE END, YOU WISH YOU HAD A CLUB AND A SPADE! Thank you again Alan Turell!

ADAM & EVE WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE TO NOT READ THE APPLE TERMS & CONDITIONS! LOVE IS GRAND... DIVORCE IS TWENTY GRAND!... THE FACT THAT THERE'S A HIGHWAY TO HELL AND ONLY A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SAYS A LOT ABOUT ANTICIPATED TRAFFIC NUMBERS! Thank you Alan Turell!

What do you call a rock band whose members can't stop washing their hands? -----OC/DC

I signed up for a Zoom workout class that was too advanced. So when the instructor said, "Do a plank and bring your knee to the opposite elbow," I did a modified version where I turned off my computer and made pancakes.

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

some Monday Laughs submitted by Alan Turell: AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, MY WIFE STILL THINKS I'M SEXY. EVERY TIME I WALK BY SHE YELLS, "WHAT AN ASS!"... FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT ALEXA LISTENING IN ON YOUR CONVERSATIONS, THEY'RE MAKING A MALE VERSION..... IT DOESN'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING!

submitted by Alan Turell Thank you! I SEE A BIG BABY BOOM COMING OUR WAY IN 9 MONTHS. THEY WILL BE CALLED THE C-19 BABIES, AND THE #1 NAMES FOR BOYS AND GIRLS WILL BE "CHARMIN AND SCOTT"... SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, THERE'S NO CURE FOR A VIRUS THAT CAN BE KILLED BY SANITIZER AND HAND SOAP? IF THESE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE TAUGHT US ANYTHING......IT'S THAT STUPIDITY TRAVELS FASTER THAN ANY VIRUS ON THE PLANET!

A couple is sitting in their living room sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, "I love you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" asks her husband. "It's me," says the wife. Talking to the wine."

QUARANTINE HUMOR 1) AS WE END WEEK 10 (or so) OF THE LOCKDOWN, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN. HE WAS STUCK IN HIS HOUSE WITH 3 WIVES FOR 5 YEARS. I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER IF HE CALLED IN THOSE NAVY SEALS HIMSELF!... 2) REMEMBER WISHING THE WEEKEND WOULD LAST FOREVER? HAPPY NOW?!?! 3) IF THEY HAD JUST CALLED IT, "THE STAY AT HOME CHALLENGE", AND POSTED IT ON FACEBOOK, THE VIRUS WOULD BE GONE BY NOW! 4) DUE TO MY ISOLATION, I FINISHED 3 BOOKS YESTERDAY. AND BELIEVE ME, THAT'S A LOT OF COLORING!

Quarantine Humor :) Cops these days are like: "Come out with your hands washed!" It's like being 16 again. Gas is cheap and I'm grounded!... Remember when we were little and had underwear with the days of the week on them? Those would be very helpful right now! In 4 weeks, 88% of blondes will disappear from the earth! Reporter: "What surprises you most about this coronavirus?" Man: "It has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel all sports, shutdown all bars, and keep men at home!" Turns out my top 3 hobbies are: 1) eating at restaurants 2) going to nonessential businesses 3) touching my face

Ever wonder? Hmmmm :) Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why we never see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?... Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid is made with real lemons? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? If CON is the opposite of PRO..... is Congress the opposite of Progress? See more

Wow, this appearance was 10 years ago this month...we miss you MAX TURELL! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrj0Rfv4p7M&t=27s