Robyn Gray, LMFT & RYT

Dysregulation is part of being the human experience. Everyone becomes dysregulated from time to time. Think of this reaction as your body's smoke alarm. Your nervous system is having a response that requires your attention. When we've had trauma, sometimes we live in a state of hypervigilence that leaves us stuck in a dysregulated state. This can be incredibly hard on one's system to live in this state - often people who are stuck here describe it as feeling always on edge, w...aiting for something to go wrong, constantly orienting to stressors in the environment and a feeling of chronic fatigue and low energy. An important part of healing and wellbeing is learning to move in and out of a dysregulated state. There are exercises help you quickly move out of a dysregulated state and into your window of tolerance. Try these specific exercises to help resource and after each one, take a moment to observe any subtle shifts in your body. 1. Name it to help tame it. When you notice yourself dysregulated, observe what body sensations you are aware of that tells you that you are dysregulated. Check in with your heart rate, quality of breath and activation in your body. 2. Ground into your feet. Observe the souls of your feet against the ground. Shift your feet around or take off your shoes to help create more awareness into the souls of your feet. 3. Soft belly breaths. Place your palms on your belly and take a few full breaths into your belly. Inhale through your nose and feel your belly rise on the inhale like a balloon inflating. As you exhale out through the mouth, feel the belly soften as you imagine letting air out of the balloon nice and slow. 4. Be gentle with yourself. Remember, being dysregulated is a human experience and a physiological response to a real or perceived threat. Thank your body for trying to protect you.

Did you know that it's perfectly normal to need space in your relationships. Needing alone time to decompress and recharge is normal and healthy in relationships. In fact, newborns will look away from their caregivers from time to time as a way of taking "space" when they feel overly stimulated. ... Alone time is a natural need. And, for some, it can bring up fears and even a sense of abandonment if you've had experiences with insecure attachments and/or abandonment wounds in your past. Here are a few prompts to reflect on when it comes to space and alone time in relationships: What does space mean to you? What does alone time do for you? What comes up for you when you need alone time? Is there a sense of guilt for wanting to be alone? Do you second guess the need or think something is wrong with the relationship when you notice the need? How does it feel when you communicate this need? How do you feel when your partner asks for space? Is there any sense of tension or fears when this is asked? Is there a sense of abandonment when your partner wants alone time? If so, can you get curious about where this feeling might be coming from? Is it familiar to you? How can you nurture yourself when your partner requests time away from you? It's important for us to understand our own experience with space and alone time so that we can come from an honest place in our relationship when communicating about this need. And also, it's important to have awareness so that we know our triggers and can move from a place of security vs. fears and old narratives.

When was the last time you woke up feeling refreshed? Do you often wake up multiple times a night with a racing mind? Have you ever felt afraid to fall asleep because of the quality of your dreams? Lack of sleep not only affects our mental and emotional health, but also our physical health. It's reported that over 68% of Americans struggle with sleep issues (falling asleep, staying asleep, insomnia and feeling rested after a night's sleep.) When we don't sleep well, it is h...arder to regulate our emotions, communicate effectively and be able to focus and concentrate throughout our day. So, it not only affects us but often our relationships and work performances suffer, too. So if you're struggling and suffering, you are not alone. And ... there is help and there is hope. Getting enough sleep is essential for helping a person maintain optimal health and wellbeing. When it comes to health, sleep is as vital as regular exercise and eating a balanced diet. So how can you get support for your sleep? Outside of sleep hygiene tools that you can google or check out on my blog post on Tips for Optimal Rest (link in bio), meditation is one of the most powerful ways to help you find a state of rest to help restore your mind and body. 'Sleep Yoga' or Yoga Nidra is specific type of guided meditation that uses a bilateral body scan to help your mind and body relax so that you can move into a rest and digest state. While yoga nidra is not a substitute for sleep, the number one reason most people I know say yes to yoga nidra is that it’s widely shared that 45 minutes of yogic sleep feels like 3 hours of regular sleep. Curious about yoga nidra but not sure where to go? After years of being asked to record my meditations from my yoga therapy groups, I recorded the meditations so you can practice anytime and anywhere. You can try my yoga nidra meditation for free on @InsightTimer or you can purchase my Better Sleep meditation bundle that includes two different guided yoga nidra meditations plus several bonus tracks that help your mind and body relax enough to be able to find deep rest. https://www.robyngraycounseling.com/shop

Sharing an old caption with a few more thoughts on healing and therapy: You don’t need to keep consuming information on things to better yourself or fix yourself. You also don’t need a therapist to heal. #unpopularopinion You are not broken. Read that again. You are not broken. ... Human beings are wired for healing. This truth is at the root of my care with each person I work with. I am not your healer. I am not the expert. You are your own healer. You are the expert of you. You are wired for healing. The healing benefits of working with a therapist is that you are being attuned to, witnesses and respected in the space you are in. At times we’ll help point out connections, patterns, share psycho-education, poke at insight and ask open-ended questions to activate curiosity. But the greatest and deepest healing I have witnessed as a therapist is when the awareness comes from the client, and this arises the more I focus on the client’s mind and body in the session. Therapists don’t give advice because you have the answers, even if you don’t have them in this exact moment. Therapists don’t fix you because you’re not broken. You are not dependent on your therapist for healing. The healing comes from within you. Next time you feel stuck or broken and you want to ask someone else what to do, maybe even your therapist I’m your next session, take a few breaths and place your hand on your heart. Ask yourself what you need from you. Don’t overthink this, just breathe and listen.

Free self-care tip: Leave your phone at home. Be in the experience instead of taking pictures to post about it later.

Meditate for free with me on Insight Timer (link below) Yoga Nidra Reset Your Mindset Breath Work... Progressive Muscle Relaxation and more! http://insig.ht/robyngray

First darts are unpleasant to be sure. But then we add our reactions to them. These reactions are second dartsthe ones we throw ourselves. Most of our suffering comes from second darts. Rick Hanson, Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom

New Blog Post with some of my favorite mind body exercises to help regulate your emotions and soothe your nervous system. https://www.robyngraycounseling.com/blog/mind-body-exercises

An Invitation to practice RAIN. I find this mindfulness practice helpful when you're triggered or activated and you want to self-reflect without getting stuck in the shame or inner-critic spiral. RAIN is an acronym for a mindfulness practice specifically geared to ease emotional confusion and suffering. ... R: Recognize. Notice what is coming up in the moment. Anger, sadness, shame, fear, judgement? Whatever it is, try saying, "I am noticing that I am shaming myself for how I treated my partner" or "I am noticing that I am judging myself for being hurt by my friend." A: Acknowledge. Allow the feelings to be there. Observe the shame you are feeling without trying to fix it or judging yourself for feeling it. Try to just allow it to be. I: Investigate. Begin to examine your emotions with a sense of curiosity and compassion. When we are coming from a place of being reactive, it's easy to blame others or get defensive for ourselves (e.g. self-righteous, justifying our hurtful actions, etc.). When we are coming from a place of observation and curiosity, we can observe our reactions and choose a response that is more aligned with our wise-mind and values. N: Non-Identify. Instead of saying I'm an angry person" shift the inner-dialogue to "I am a person experiencing anger right now." All humans experience emotions and we don't have to define ourselves by our emotional states. This step helps open up the door to a compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the real foundation to a compassionate relationship with others. We can't control what thoughts and emotions arise within us; however, we can choose how we respond to these states. RAIN and other mindfulness practices can help create the pause that we all need in order to be able to respond vs. react to our triggers. These practices can help us begin to learn to speak for our triggered parts vs. from them. For more mind body resources, sign up for my email list at www.robyngraycounseling.com.

Feeling unsettled or activated? Antsy? Hard time focusing? Ruminating or stuck in all or nothing thinking patterns? Often these are physiological reactions that we can’t think our way out of. Bottom up approaches are techniques that focus on our nervous systems state vs. focusing on shifting our thoughts/mindset. When our nervous system is grounded, we feel more present, settled in the body and have healthier quality of thoughts (more curious and open-minded vs. black/white..., ruminating or catastrophic thinking). So, when our nervous system is regulated, it has a ripple effect to our mind set. Here are my favorite quick ways to help ground/resource no matter where you are and help bring your nervous system back to it’s window of tolerance/rest and digest mode. For more free mind body tools, sign up for my email list @ www.robyngraycounseling.com

Yoga Nidra, translates to Sleep Yoga. This meditation includes a bilateral body scan and other somatic-based resources to help settle your nervous system and your mind to promote deep rest. Listen for Free at the link below... http://insig.ht/gm_152215 For more mind and body resources (Free!), visit www.robyngraycounseling.com

Nurturing your own development isn’t selfish. It’s actually a great gift to other people. Rick Hanson, Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom

This somatic-based meditation is designed to help guide you to compassionately hold space for your emotional state with a perspective of curiosity. It's a quickie - just under 10 minutes, so perfect for a mid-day break. http://insig.ht/gm_88227 For more mind and body resources (Free!), visit www.robyngraycounseling.com

The remedy is not to suppress negative experiences; when they happen, they happen. Rather, it is to foster positive experiencesand in particular, to take them in so they become a permanent part of you. Rick Hanson, Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom Try this exercise to help you integrate positive experiences so that they become a permanent part of you:... 1. Name it in the moment. Notice the moment and actually say to yourself, "This is one of those moments I want to take in." 2. Notice the moment with your senses: smells, sight, taste, touch, sounds. 3. Name it in your body. Notice where, if anywhere, you are aware of sensations, activations and your overall felt sense. (Be curious about how your are experiencing the body - textures, movement or stillness, density, temperature, colors, shapes, images, etc.) 4. Notice what about the moment is bringing you so much joy. Try not to over-analyze here, instead allow yourself to be curious about the situation. 5. Take a few breaths full breaths. Notice where in your body that breath is most evident to you. Place a palm there and take a few more full breaths. To sign up for more mind and body resources (Free!), visit www.robyngraycounseling.com

What's one thing you can do today for your: Mind? Body? Heart?... I like getting specific on my needs by breaking it down to these three specific areas of focus. Respecting my wholeness. Comment below and let me know how you're taking care of yourself today! By sharing below, you not only will help with your own accountability to follow through but it might also inspire someone else to try something that they wouldn't have thought of for themselves.

Here's a quick somatic-based meditation to help you recharge or settle your body. http://insig.ht/gm_139505

If this blog title confuses you, you're not alone. Why would we want to befriend our inner-critic ... This seems counter-intuitive?! Read more in the blog to learn why befriending your inner-critic is actually way more beneficial to your healing and ultimately, to being able to manage your negative self-talk. https://www.robyngraycounseling.com//befriending-our-inner

Want free somatic-based resources to help support your mental and emotional health? Sign up for my email list at www.robyngraycounseling.com

Free Yoga Nidra Meditation to help you sleep better Insight Timer. This meditation is included in my Sleep Bundle so it's a great way to get a preview of what the bundle includes! http://insig.ht/gm_152215

2020 has been a year of continual stress, which can lead to crippling anxiety. Here's a blog post with tips and tools to help you manage your anxiety so it's no longer controlling you. https://www.robyngraycounseling.com/b/managing-your-anxiety

A free somatic-based meditation to help move out of tension into a space of ease. http://insig.ht/gm_88227

Physical pain can make mindfulness and attuning to our bodies almost torturous. It’s not always helpful. There, I said it. If this is your experience, you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. It makes sense ... our brains are programmed for our survival to move away from pain so why would bringing mindfulness to our pain be helpful for pain management? Here’s the key, it’s about the way you attune to your body’s sensations of pain and discomfort that are import...ant. Still not convinced? Research recommends therapy, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, physical movement, distraction (in a healthy, intentional-way), nutrition and meditation to help manage chronic pain. But here’s the thing, not all meditations are created equal. Sure, any kind of mindfulness meditation will most likely have positive effects on one’s mental health, but again, when it comes to physical pain and discomfort, specifically a focused guided meditation that is grounded in resourcing one’s mind and nervous system is essential for managing one’s chronic pain. When we incorporate a somatic approach to mindfulness, we build agency, which helps us feel we have choices in how we approach our bodies vs. feeling defeated and trapped in how our body experiences the world. My Pain Management Meditation bundle uses evidenced based exercises and principles that are grounded in somatic experience and interoception (how we understand our body’s inner sensations). The bundle is designed to help you create a new relationship with your pain and your body. It won’t take away your pain completely, but it will help you build agency and tools to have more choices in how you experience the intensity of your pain and discomfort.

Anxious about tonight's presidential debate? Our Dr. Vaile Wright offers these tips on how to keep your stress in check. Before the debate starts, create a pl...an for how you will manage any negative emotions or reactions. This could include taking a break by switching the channel to something more soothing or taking a walk. If watching with others helps diffuse the tension, try turning it into a virtual watch party with friends and loved ones. It’s also ok to give yourself permission to not watch the debate in real time but read the analysis tomorrow. Make a plan for after the debate. If you are upset or agitated, consider listening to music, talking to a friend, or reading a book to de-stress before you go to bed.