Renewal Resources

OUTLAWING COERCIVE CONTROL Most DV is not just getting hit or physically injured. In fact,.the majority of abuse tactics (including many that equate to torture...) aren't even against the law. Partner abuse is much, much more than the cruel things an abuser DOES TO his partner. It is also things he TAKES FROM her - her autonomy, her freedom to come and go as she pleases, her peace of mind, her friends, her personal space, her privacy, her dignity, her financial independence, her sense of self, and so much more. Many victims live under constant siege; like a prisoner, a possession or a slave, not an intimate partner. Often, a pervasive pattern of control is evident, and the perpetrator dominates the victim's entire life by using intimidation, threats and violence to enforce rules he creates. He then punishes her for non-compliance, orperceived disobedience or disloyalty.This violation of the victim's basic human rights is referred to as COERCIVE CONTROL. Coercive Control is a theory developed by longtime DV expert and reseacher Dr. Evan Stark, who coined the term and described the pattern in his seminal book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. The physical and emotional toll that such non-stop subjugation takes on victims' lives is devastating. Since DV was made illegal in the U.S., it has been narrowly defined as acts of physical violence. But Dr. Stark and others have worked diligently for years to educate policymakers and legislatures, encouraging them to classify coercive control as a crime. Some countries, including those in the U.K., have already outlawed it nationwide. U.S. states have recently begun to introduce and pass legislation making psychological abuse and coercive control against the law. My longtime home, Hawaii, where I was a victim and became an advocate and activist, has just became the first state to outlaw it. California quickly followed and others are working on it. It remains to be seen how various law enforcement agencies across the nation will categorize certain tactics of abuse, how often arrests will be made, the vigor with which it will be prosecuted, and how judges and juries will respond and hold abusers accountable. Hopefully in time, we will see DV perpetrators routinely arrested and convicted of coercive control, psychological abuse and financial abuse. Stay tuned. #DVAM2020 #violenceagainstwomen #IPV #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #GBVmustfall #dvam #DVAwareness #dv #coercivecontrol

OUTLAWING COERCIVE CONTROL Most DV is not just getting hit or physically injured. In fact,.the majority of abuse tactics (including many that equate to torture...) aren't even against the law. Partner abuse is much, much more than the cruel things an abuser DOES TO his partner. It is also things he TAKES FROM her - her autonomy, her freedom to come and go as she pleases, her peace of mind, her friends, her personal space, her privacy, her dignity, her financial independence, her sense of self, and so much more. Many victims live under constant siege; like a prisoner, a possession or a slave, not an intimate partner. Often, a pervasive pattern of control is evident, and the perpetrator dominates the victim's entire life by using intimidation, threats and violence to enforce rules he creates. He then punishes her for non-compliance, orperceived disobedience or disloyalty.This violation of the victim's basic human rights is referred to as COERCIVE CONTROL. Coercive Control is a theory developed by longtime DV expert and reseacher Dr. Evan Stark, who coined the term and described the pattern in his seminal book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. The physical and emotional toll that such non-stop subjugation takes on victims' lives is devastating. Since DV was made illegal in the U.S., it has been narrowly defined as acts of physical violence. But Dr. Stark and others have worked diligently for years to educate policymakers and legislatures, encouraging them to classify coercive control as a crime. Some countries, including those in the U.K., have already outlawed it nationwide. U.S. states have recently begun to introduce and pass legislation making psychological abuse and coercive control against the law. My longtime home, Hawaii, where I was a victim and became an advocate and activist, has just became the first state to outlaw it. California quickly followed and others are working on it. It remains to be seen how various law enforcement agencies across the nation will categorize certain tactics of abuse, how often arrests will be made, the vigor with which it will be prosecuted, and how judges and juries will respond and hold abusers accountable. Hopefully in time, we will see DV perpetrators routinely arrested and convicted of coercive control, psychological abuse and financial abuse. Stay tuned. #DVAM2020 #violenceagainstwomen #IPV #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #GBVmustfall #dvam #DVAwareness #dv #coercivecontrol

We have a choice... let's make it each other Thanks Brené Brown

Safety planning tips.

We have a choice... let's make it each other Thanks Brené Brown

Safety planning tips.

Sharing from @psych_today #traumaawarenessmonth #mft #lmft #mentalhealthmatters

Sharing from @psych_today #traumaawarenessmonth #mft #lmft #mentalhealthmatters

Pooh woke up that morning, and, for reasons that he didn't entirely understand, couldn't stop the tears from coming. He sat there in bed, his little body shakin...g, and he cried, and cried, and cried. Amidst his sobs, the phone rang. It was Piglet. "Oh Piglet," said Pooh, between sobs, in response to his friend's gentle enquiry as to how he was doing. "I just feel so Sad. So, so, Sad, almost like I might not ever be happy again. And I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know there are so many people who have it worse off than me, and so I really have no right to be crying, with my lovely house, and my lovely garden, and the lovely woods all around me. But oh, Piglet: I am just SO Sad." Piglet was silent for a while, as Pooh's ragged sobbing filled the space between them. Then, as the sobs turned to gasps, he said, kindly: "You know, it isn't a competition." "What isn't a competition?" asked a confused sounding Pooh. "Sadness. Fear. Grief," said Piglet. "It's a mistake we often make, all of us. To think that, because there are people who are worse off than us, that that somehow invalidates how we are feeling. But that simply isn't true. You have as much right to feel unhappy as the next person; and, Pooh - and this is the really important bit - you also have just as much right to get the help that you need." "Help? What help?" asked Pooh. "I don't need help, Piglet. "Do I?" Pooh and Piglet talked for a long time, and Piglet suggested to Pooh some people that he might be able to call to talk to, because when you are feeling Sad, one of the most important things is not to let all of the Sad become trapped inside you, but instead to make sure that you have someone who can help you, who can talk through with you how the Sad is making you feeling, and some of the things that might be able to be done to support you with that. What's more, Piglet reminded Pooh that this support is there for absolutely everyone, that there isn't a minimum level of Sad that you have to be feeling before you qualify to speak to someone. Finally, Piglet asked Pooh to open his window and look up at the sky, and Pooh did so. "You see that sky?" Piglet asked his friend. "Do you see the blues and the golds and that big fluffy cloud that looks like a sheep eating a carrot?" Pooh looked, and he could indeed see the blues and the golds and the big fluffy cloud that looked like a sheep eating a carrot. "You and I," continued Piglet, "we are both under that same sky. And so, whenever the Sad comes, I want you to look up at that sky, and know that, however far apart we might be physically...we are also, at the same time, together. Perhaps, more together than we have ever been before." "Do you think this will ever end?" asked Pooh in a small voice. "This too shall pass," confirmed Piglet. "And I promise you, one day, you and I shall once again sit together, close enough to touch, sharing a little smackerel of something...under that blue gold sky." This was originally written by a blogger called I Know I Need to Stop Talking.

Pooh woke up that morning, and, for reasons that he didn't entirely understand, couldn't stop the tears from coming. He sat there in bed, his little body shakin...g, and he cried, and cried, and cried. Amidst his sobs, the phone rang. It was Piglet. "Oh Piglet," said Pooh, between sobs, in response to his friend's gentle enquiry as to how he was doing. "I just feel so Sad. So, so, Sad, almost like I might not ever be happy again. And I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this. I know there are so many people who have it worse off than me, and so I really have no right to be crying, with my lovely house, and my lovely garden, and the lovely woods all around me. But oh, Piglet: I am just SO Sad." Piglet was silent for a while, as Pooh's ragged sobbing filled the space between them. Then, as the sobs turned to gasps, he said, kindly: "You know, it isn't a competition." "What isn't a competition?" asked a confused sounding Pooh. "Sadness. Fear. Grief," said Piglet. "It's a mistake we often make, all of us. To think that, because there are people who are worse off than us, that that somehow invalidates how we are feeling. But that simply isn't true. You have as much right to feel unhappy as the next person; and, Pooh - and this is the really important bit - you also have just as much right to get the help that you need." "Help? What help?" asked Pooh. "I don't need help, Piglet. "Do I?" Pooh and Piglet talked for a long time, and Piglet suggested to Pooh some people that he might be able to call to talk to, because when you are feeling Sad, one of the most important things is not to let all of the Sad become trapped inside you, but instead to make sure that you have someone who can help you, who can talk through with you how the Sad is making you feeling, and some of the things that might be able to be done to support you with that. What's more, Piglet reminded Pooh that this support is there for absolutely everyone, that there isn't a minimum level of Sad that you have to be feeling before you qualify to speak to someone. Finally, Piglet asked Pooh to open his window and look up at the sky, and Pooh did so. "You see that sky?" Piglet asked his friend. "Do you see the blues and the golds and that big fluffy cloud that looks like a sheep eating a carrot?" Pooh looked, and he could indeed see the blues and the golds and the big fluffy cloud that looked like a sheep eating a carrot. "You and I," continued Piglet, "we are both under that same sky. And so, whenever the Sad comes, I want you to look up at that sky, and know that, however far apart we might be physically...we are also, at the same time, together. Perhaps, more together than we have ever been before." "Do you think this will ever end?" asked Pooh in a small voice. "This too shall pass," confirmed Piglet. "And I promise you, one day, you and I shall once again sit together, close enough to touch, sharing a little smackerel of something...under that blue gold sky." This was originally written by a blogger called I Know I Need to Stop Talking.

OUTLAWING COERCIVE CONTROL Most DV is not just getting hit or physically injured. In fact,.the majority of abuse tactics (including many that equate to torture...) aren't even against the law. Partner abuse is much, much more than the cruel things an abuser DOES TO his partner. It is also things he TAKES FROM her - her autonomy, her freedom to come and go as she pleases, her peace of mind, her friends, her personal space, her privacy, her dignity, her financial independence, her sense of self, and so much more. Many victims live under constant siege; like a prisoner, a possession or a slave, not an intimate partner. Often, a pervasive pattern of control is evident, and the perpetrator dominates the victim's entire life by using intimidation, threats and violence to enforce rules he creates. He then punishes her for non-compliance, orperceived disobedience or disloyalty.This violation of the victim's basic human rights is referred to as COERCIVE CONTROL. Coercive Control is a theory developed by longtime DV expert and reseacher Dr. Evan Stark, who coined the term and described the pattern in his seminal book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. The physical and emotional toll that such non-stop subjugation takes on victims' lives is devastating. Since DV was made illegal in the U.S., it has been narrowly defined as acts of physical violence. But Dr. Stark and others have worked diligently for years to educate policymakers and legislatures, encouraging them to classify coercive control as a crime. Some countries, including those in the U.K., have already outlawed it nationwide. U.S. states have recently begun to introduce and pass legislation making psychological abuse and coercive control against the law. My longtime home, Hawaii, where I was a victim and became an advocate and activist, has just became the first state to outlaw it. California quickly followed and others are working on it. It remains to be seen how various law enforcement agencies across the nation will categorize certain tactics of abuse, how often arrests will be made, the vigor with which it will be prosecuted, and how judges and juries will respond and hold abusers accountable. Hopefully in time, we will see DV perpetrators routinely arrested and convicted of coercive control, psychological abuse and financial abuse. Stay tuned. #DVAM2020 #violenceagainstwomen #IPV #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth #GBVmustfall #dvam #DVAwareness #dv #coercivecontrol

We have a choice... let's make it each other Thanks Brené Brown