Lana Cole, MFT

Continue answering your questions. The forth one is from Ekaterina Malozemova. "Lana, I hope you can give me 5 golden rules how the couple can keep perfect rel...ations when they are in the process of adaptation after moving to USA and having baby" Ekaterina, like I said before it's hard to pinpoint to 5 rules. I like that's very YourTango style. AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT RELATIONS (only in dreams). So let's settle on decent. So, let's shoot, but in each case it's going to be very individual. 1) Revisit and renegotiate your roles in the family. It is likely, and we've seen many examples like that, when back in Russia she occupied a very high, well-paid position, made a lot of money, was respected and well-connected. Then either he gets a good job offer here, or they win a Green card lottery, or something like that happens, and they decide to move. What is likely to happen? She will feel out of place, especially if they have kids and she will need to take care of them, especially with a baby, like in your example. So, inevitably, she will feel lost and upset. And he will feel too much responsibility and stress because all the family well-being is on him now. So, what do we have? Both people are super-stressed, tired, angry, and blaming each other for the problems. Relationship suffers. Sounds familiar? What you need to do is RENEGOTIATE YOUR ROLES IN THE FAMILY. Meaning that if one person for the time being is a bread-winner, the other takes care of the kids and the household, BUT IT IS NOT TAKEN FOR GRANTED by your spouse. The spouse respects the wife's participation like A JOB and tries to do the best to help. You negotiate what exactly each one of you does. If the wife is breadwinner - then vice versa. And try as soon as possible get engaged professionally both of you. 2) Share openly on a weekly basis what problems/issues bother or upset each of you, whether it is just life issues or your relationship. Vent, show empathy first, and only then calmly try to figure out a solution. Schedule a 1/2 hour to 1 hour session certain day of the week to do it. 3) Find a baby-sitter at least for several hours and plan date nights for just the 2 of you at least once in 2 weeks. Vary what you do. Don't just go to a restaurant or a bar to eat out. Plan something more unusual, maybe a picnic by the ocean at the sunset, or a ride to a new location, natural or historical. Go to a local museum or maybe to the beach. Walk together not talking about everyday problems, just enjoy here-and-now of being together! Don't let the romance die! 4) Socialize with other couples and families, but try to choose people who you both like, so that you have fun. During these outings take turns in watching the kids, so each of you gets time to have fun! Sometimes have days when he hangs out with his buddies and you watch the kids, and then you hang out with your friends, and he watches the kids. 5) If you feel nostalgic or regret your decision to move sometimes, which happens often, try to share it with your spouse and ask to be heard, not criticized. You don't need arguments why it's a good decision to move, you just need an understanding, and support, and empathy. And hold each other, and allow yourselves to be emotional, to cry, not to scream. Don't forget the importance of physical touch! Be sensual, intimate, sexual regardless of how tired or moody you are. This will help you to keep connected! Ekaterina, did you get what you wanted? A "Golden Guide"? Tell me what you think, and try to implement!! It will help!

Beautiful words and so true!

Check it out! My services are really appreciated in Orange County. People are highly recommending me!! If you have any issues at all regarding your relationships or anxiety, including phobias and panic attacks, feel free to contact me, and I will definitely help you!!

Many people ask questions about a happy couple, a perfect couple, a perfect relationship. This is my answer to this question.

Texts are for scheduling appointments and quick updates. Do not discuss your feelings in them. Talk!!

Дорогие друзья! Воспользуйтесь этой уникальной возможностью! Задайте мне ваши вопросы о самом сокровенном, и я отвечу на них на этой встрече. Никто не узнает, что вопрос задали именно Вы! Конфиденциальность гарантирована! Эти темы интересны всем! Присылайте свои вопросы и приходите на эту уникальную встречу!

Wonderful words about loving yourselves and your lives!! The power of positive thinking is incredible!! Start living yourself today and tomorrow life will return this feeling!!

You may believe or disbelieve astrology, but it doesn't hurt to check out this article. If your partner in life is not the most "compatible," don't worry. You can make any union work if you really want it!!

This is so incredibly true!! We only have the Present. It exists in many forms. All we can feel and experience is at present. Everything else is a function of our mind!

A question that comes to our mind quite frequently. Are we busy because we simply cannot organize ourselves? Are we busy because we are afraid not to be busy? Are we supposed to be busy all the time? This is my answer on Quora