Mallika Bush, LMFT

{We Never Knew} Why is it that so often as parents we feel threatened by, angry at, disapproving of or blaming of our children? I think this comes from a deep well of needs we never knew we had, because we needed to push those needs into our subconscious. Most of us were raised by parents who unintentionally molded us to believe our needs were inconvenient, annoying, hurtful, disgusting, rude, shameful and possibly threatening to our parents own needs. ... So what happens when we are suddenly flooded by our own needs in the face of trying to meet our child’s needs? We blame them. We collapse into competition and it becomes a game of who’s need is going to get met? We tell our children to: sit and wait quietly give grandma a hug stop throwing a fit at the restaurant share your toys with the kid at the park stop asking questions be nice stop crying over something we perceive as insignificant hurry up slow down (I could go on) ~ Do you wonder if you’re own needs are showing up in competition with your child’s needs? The best way I know of to explore this is therapy/parent coaching. Send me a DM if you’re inteeedted in learning more! #parallelparenting #growinguptogether #raiseyourself #consciousparenting #consciousmotherhood #therapyworks #wellnessblogger #emotionalintelligence #attunedandaware #attachmentstyles See more

{Emotional Vocabulary} Sometimes it’s hard to name our own feelings, let alone the feelings of our children. But one of the best ways for children to recognize their feeling is have a word for that feeling. @gottmaninstitute crested this awesome wheel of emotions, show the varieties of fear, anger, sadness, etc. Have a look here, or copy and paste this link to read an article about it. https://www.ahaparenting.com//talking-with-kids-about-emot... #emotionalintelligence #consciousparenting #consciousmothering #listentoyourheart #knowwhereyouare #knowwhereyouregoing #therapyworks #therapyonig #momlife #berkeley #therapy #parentingcoach See more

These classes are great for parents in the north Bay Area. Jenner is a wonderfully knowledgeable teacher! Check it out if you have a little one and live near San Rafael or Petaluma!

{SELFISH OR JUST HUMAN} This is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The basics concept is that we are able to move up the pyramid as that category of needs in met. But is it selfish to want these things at the top of the pyramid? Should we just be humble and only look for our basic needs to be met? If we have our needs met for food, water, sleep, clothing, then we start to be able to look at safety. We look for financial stability, living in a safe area, health and prosperity. Th...ese are considered our Basic Needs Most people cannot feel relaxed or emotionally balanced without these needs being met. Next comes LOVE AND BELONGING: partnership, friendships, children, community groups, etc. and then ESTEEM: praise, accomplishment, sense of value to others, recognition for your contributions. These are called Psychological needs, and are the first to start to dip into the place many of us think of as selfish. Is it selfish to want recognition for the contributions you made to the group project? Or is that just a human need? At the top is SELF-ACTUALIZATION. This is pointing to that place in life where you feel in the zone. You are doing what you were meant to do here, in this lifetime. This might include full self-expression in artistic ways, a business you start, following a vision or passion you have, experiencing big moments of transformation, a deep feeling of self-acceptance and independence. And more. So, tell me what you think? Do we get more selfish as we move up? Are these needs human and ok to have? How can you tell the difference between someone who is acting from a genuine, connected self-growth place and someone who is just selfishly wanting what they want? #selfactualization #selfesteem #maslowshierarchyofneeds #psychologyfacts #growthmindset #humandevelopment #souljourney #therapyworks #wellnessblogger See more

Yesterday I posted about the importance of mirroring our babies. Today I am talking about what we as parents are often doing instead of mirroring - projecting. What is projection? You might have heard the term before; it’s use as a concept in psychology to talk about the experience of something happening within ourselves; and instead of owning it, we project it onto someone else, insisting that that is happening for THEM. As parents this often shows up as either our fears... for our child or our expectations of them. If we have difficulty respecting or expressing our own feelings, we can often project our self judgements into our child, feeling annoyed, frustrated, putout, and even overwhelmed to the point of disconnection when they are expressing their feelings. This is often justified by the fears: I don’t want my child to be selfish; I don’t want to raise an ungrateful, spoiled brat; what they are upset about is not that big of a deal; they are being inappropriate at this event/restaurant/party/grandma’s house. The other side of this projection coin is expectation and praise. When we send our kids the message that she will receive connection and belonging only if they meet our expectations, we are really telling them that they are not lovable just for being alive; that they must earn our love. This shows up often in parents when it is the way THEY were patented. Were you patented with expectation, shame and fear? What happens when we do this kind of projecting rather than the reflecting I talked about yesterday? Our children learn to mirror us, rather than the other way around. They absorb those fears and expectations. They inherit our emotional patterns of perfectionism, blame, fear and disconnection. What questions does this stir up for you? Where do you drive to do better, less projecting and more reflecting? Comment below or send me a DM - I love hearing from you about what places you are working or struggling with. #lifeisbeautiful #souljourney #consciousparenting #parentingtips #igmotherhood #motherhood #psychology #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #therapyworks #wellnessblogger See more

Are you interested in setting the stage for a respectful, cooperative and joyful relationship with your little one? As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a RIE Intern, I am offering a very unique class, based on psychological research, clinically studied relational dynamics and parenting practices that REALLY WORK! Conscious Upbringing classes START JANUARY 24TH They will be weekly classes on Thursdays in Emeryville.... 10am - young toddlers (13-20 months) 1:30pm - babies (3-7 months) The class cost is a deal - $240 for each 8 week series. (other therapy groups are twice this much!) To read more, click below: https://www.mallikabush.com/conscious-parent-infant-classes

A new year has begun. Can you feel the energy of renewal? We, as a culture, have placed a lot of meaning in this turning of the calendar. I feel the tides of change too. But I have learned over the years that making resolutions is not helpful for me. The rigidity of a resolution leads me to resent myself for making me do something! What about commitments instead? And it’s no use just throwing out big goals that don’t feel authentic or related to where you are now. It ha...s to feel connected to something that inspires you! So take some time, with paper and pen, and get acquainted with where you are in your life and where you want to be. See if you can distill out 2 or 3 big themes, big areas of change that you are really committed to creating in your life. Here are some you might explore: I am committed to feeling stronger and healthier in my body. I am committed to doubling my income this year. I am committed to staying balanced with my drug and alcohol use. I am committed to being the best parent I can be. I am committed to investing in the relationships in my life that support my growth and help me feel loved. I am committed to finding the right job for me, that fulfills me and gives me financial freedom. I am committed to . . . Leave your commitments in the comments below, or send me them in a message. I would love to share some of the awesome things you are all creating for this year!! #newyearcommitment #listentoyourbody #wearebecoming #consciousmothering #peacefullparenting

Conscious Upbringing classes in Emeryville Weekly RIE-Inspired classes with your infant or toddler. Supporting you to become the parent you want to be!

I'm excited to announce a new offering starting in January. Click below to read more.

I’ve been working on getting something new going and I am almost ready to share it. Look for the announcement on December 10th about the new offering starting in January! If you are in the East Bay and Oakland in particular, you might be very interested. ... To get the news first and have first dibs on getting in, head over to my website and sign up for my newsletter. Link in profile See more

Many of us had a gut wrenching week last week. How are you recovering this week? What are your plans for self-care? Sometimes we need a little inspiration, or someone to say I’m with you, and here’s what I’m doing Today, I am making some warming lemon-ginger-honey tea. I’m not at work today and my kids are not at school. So it can be harder to find space for restoring my life energy. Today is also a New Moon. A time for washing away, for dreaming, for planting seeds? ...What seeds do you want to plant for this coming lunar cycle? #newmoonritual #smallactsofkindness #setyourintention #fillupyourcup #consciousmothering See more

Dr. Webb writes about the impact of childhood emotional neglect (CEN). She defines it as a parent who does not respond ENOUGH to their child’s emotional needs. It can be very subtle. It might surprise many of you that even parents who are present in many ways, who know they love their children, can still struggle to respond to their child enough on the feeling level, resulting in CEM. I don’t say any of this to give you another weapon for self-criticism as a parent. I am ...bringing this in today as a place to look at your own childhood experience. How often did YOUR parents pay attention to or attempt to meet your emotional needs as a child? Do you have the habit of, even now as an adult, making decisions based on how your parent would feel? Do you feel burdened by parenting? Do you look at other mothers and think they are more connected to their children? Do you struggle to understand your own feelings and those of your child? Does parenting mostly feel like a struggle, where it is hard to feel the happy feelings of being a parent? I pulled the quote in this picture from a podcast I heard with Dr. Webb. It highlights how easy it is to forget to pay attention to the emotional needs of our child. And it is easy for this type of neglect to pass down from generation to generation. But it IS possible to heal these patterns, within yourself and for your children. You can give yourself what your parents didn’t. Send me a message is your interested to know where to start! #childhoodemotionalneglect #changingfromwithin #emotionalhealing #reparenting #therapy #souljourney #familydynamics #emotionalboundaries #functionalfamily #myneedsmatter #consciousmothering See more

Very little grows on jagged rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are. -rumi *********************************** How we defend from our own vulnerability keeps us from connecting and loving, others and ourselves. ***********************************... What are your personas that you keep close in order to not feel vulnerable? Blame Anger Judgement Superiority Shopping Working Exercising ********************************** We are all wounded. Allow your breath to take you to the vulnerability that is living within you now. See more