Love & Leadership Parent Coaching

My answer to this frustrated grandmother is this week's Question of the Week on www.parentguru.com ~ What's a Grandma to Do? Q: Hello. I raised my now 35-year-old son using John Rosemond’s methods, and he turned out great! Much to my dismay, however, he and his wife are not interested in raising their sons, 5 and 7, with the same discipline, and the boys’ behavior is getting worse and worse. My son and the boys visit every Sunday for play and supper, and while it’s the highl...ight of my week, I often become frustrated and short-tempered especially when the boys fight and squabble the whole time. The underlying problem is that they do not mind their parents. My policy has been that I discipline when I have them alone, but I let my son handle it when he is present. The boys give me no trouble at all when the parents are not there. Is it appropriate for me to be in charge whenever they’re under my roof, or should I stay out of it at home when a parent is present? A: Hello, and thank you for writing. You ask an important question. I would ask your son and daughter-in-law what they prefer, and then do that. You could say something like "Son, when my dear grandsons are under my roof I want them to obey my rules. If you're here with us, do you want to be the enforcer or should I?" You most certainly can have hard and fast rules in your home, and consistent consequences when they're broken. There should be no discussion about whether you enforce your rules in your home with your grandsons when their parents aren't there, because of course you do, can and should. However, if they'd rather be the ultimate authority, even in your home, you'll have to abide by that decision. Here's a way to turn your Sundays into a win-win: Offer your son some time to himself by suggesting that he drop the boys off and go do something else while you're with them. Or maybe your son and daughter-in-law would want to turn those Sunday play and supper dates into a time for the boys to be with you while they spend time together. The fact that the boys are obedient to you when their parents aren't present is all you need to know to come to the accurate conclusion that they don't respect their parents' authority. Your son and his wife are in for a very bumpy road if they don't get a handle on things now, and there really isn't much you can do about it. It's possible that if your son sees his sons respecting your authority he might consider making some changes, but don't hold your breath. Assuming that you want to keep seeing your grandsons, you can only do so much, and you can only do it in your home. Please write again if you need clarification or further guidance. Wishing you happy Sunday visits ahead!

Consider these 15 resolutions from Dr. Rosemond as your guide for raising respectful, responsible and resourceful children who will be blessings to the world. Happy New Year! ********************************* Given that the new year is upon us, I'm proposing a number of parenting resolutions for my readers to consider. The list is by no means comprehensive. It's just a good beginning on what is probably a much-needed family revolution:...Continue reading

Thoughts on toys for children from Dr. John Rosemond: -The best toy is one that the child creates. Take your child outside and show him how to build forts out of sticks, to dig moats with an old soup spoon, to make boats out of folded paper, to build walls out of stones, to fashion trees out of pinecones - the possibilities are infinite!... -The best commercial toys are flexible (they can be used in lots of different ways) and encourage imaginative play. Small, doll-like figures and other true-to-life miniatures are fine, as are simple building sets, clay, crayons, watercolors, finger paints, and so on. -For the most part, steer clear of so-called educational toys. Generally speaking, they have little, if anything, in common with a child's developmental or educational needs. Their "problems" are largely irrelevant and tend to inhibit, rather than encourage, creative thinking. -Instead of buying toys that "do" - toys that perform - give children a few, basic things they can manipulate. Let the children's imagination do the "doing." -Don't limit children to toys traditionally considered appropriate to only one sex. If a boy wants to play with dolls, buy him dolls. If a girl wants to play baseball, buy her a bat and ball. The freer children are to explore the possibilities of living, the better choice makers they will become. -In the final analysis, less is more.

This is why I named my coaching business Love & Leadership Parent Coaching ~ parents need a balance of both.

Humans need to be motivated to change their behavior.

More guidance on making your marriage relationship number one:

In recognition of National Bullying Month (or whatever they call it), here are my thoughts on what bullying is, and isn’t. ***************** School is in session across America, and that means a renewed effort to eradicate bullies from playgrounds and classrooms. In fact, October is designated as National Bullying Prevention Month. According to Merriam-Webster, a bully is one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller or in some wa...Continue reading

Struggling Kindergartener? Maybe the reply I wrote to this mom can help! If you're not yet a member of John Rosemond's ParentGuru site (only $34/year) I highly recommend it! All of us coaches are trained and certified by Dr. Rosemond and are there to help parents raise responsible, resourceful and respectful children. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Normal Kindergarten Boy Question:...Continue reading

The three Cs ~ Calm, Cool, and Consistent are the mantra for child raising!

Have you ever noticed? Truly obedient children children who have invested great amounts of security and, therefore, respect in their parents’ authority are also the world’s happiest, most outgoing, and creative kids.

Great advice from Dr. Rosemond and the Parent Guru Facebook page:the "The Save-Your-Breath Principle: Until a child is old enough to understand the why? of a parental decision, no amount of words will do. When the child is old enough, he’ll be able to figure it out on his own. In either case, save your breath. "

More wisdom from Dr. Rosemond! ************************************ I love it when people begin to realize that the problems they’re having with a child are of their own making; when they begin to realize, in other words, that the child is not the problemthey are! All this time (however long that might be), they have been trying to correct the wrong personthe childgetting nowhere and becoming nothing but frustrated in the process. Instead, they need to correct themselves, ...and it goes without saying that correcting one’s self is much, much easier than trying to correct someone else. So, for example, when parents tell me their child will not do what he is told, I ask, Is it possible that you aren’t really tellingthat you are pleading and bribing and bargaining and cajoling and encouraging and then, when all that fails, demanding and threatening and screaming? I point out that the simple secret to getting a child to do what he is told is to tell. It’s the difference between You could really help Mommy out by picking up these toys and I want you to pick up these toys, right now. Parents are often amazed to discover that children actually do what they are told (usually, that is, because there is no way to create perfection with imperfect materials). Another example involves parents who describe their kids as being argumentative. Almost always, the problem is that these parents are explaining themselves. The typical sequence goes as follows: First, a parent makes a decision or issue an instruction; second, the child demands to know the reason behind the parent’s action; third, the parent gives the reason; fourth, the child begins to protest that the reason is not valid or good enough; fifth, the parent begins to justify and defend the reason, and the argument is on! The simple solution, therefore, to the problem of the so-called argumentative child is for the parent to stop giving long-winded explanations and to instead begin using the most powerful four words in parenting: Because I said so. These simple solutions benefit parents, for sure, but they also benefit children. Studies have discovered what common sense will affirm: Obedient children are much, much happier than disobedient children. Put even more concisely: Arguing is no fun for anyone. *********************************************

While I won't be writing for the Pomerado News anymore, I will still be writing! Here's the column that would have run today: Liver and Onions Do you describe your child as a picky eater? Are you worried about nutritional balance? Is mealtime something you dread? Do you cater to their taste buds by feeding them only what you know they’ll eat? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, I have good news! You don’t have a picky eater, but you have created one. Once you rul...Continue reading

Dr. Rosemond's advice is always spot on: ~~~~~~~~ It’s the little things that countalways.... One of the things I notice about today’s parents is that they are almost constantly doing little things that add up to Big Things that are to everyone’s detrimenttheir detriment and their kids’ detriment. The Big Thing is children who believe they rule, that their likes and dislikes determine family decisions; in short, children who believe they are entitled. Their parents, at the same time, are obviously not entitled. Their parents exist to please them, to entitle them. The logical outcome of this is children who are, in a word, brats. I’m talking about children who complain, are ungrateful, argue, demand, are petulant, and tyrannize their parents with frequent emotional outbursts. Make no mistake about it, these little domestic despots are not happy campers. Their lives are a constant drama in which they never get enough of what they want. Their parents, meanwhile, ask themselves how so much love and hard work and giving could have resulted in such difficulties. Like I said, it’s the little things that count. When parents make a child the reason for their existence, they are likely to get a child who believes likewisethat his parents exist because of him, to do things for him, to give him things, to defer to him. There is an aphorism that applies to this: The one about the road paved with good intentions; i.e., lots of little bricks.

Something to think about: "The recent trend has been toward structuring the young child's time with organized sports, music lessons, and so on. This reflects the mistaken belief that these things are more "meaningful" than play, when exactly the opposite is true." ~ John Rosemond

Some great advice on home schooling from my mentor, John Rosemond. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Why Small Classrooms Are Overrated...Continue reading

This is why I named my monthly column Because I Said So!