Laura Paulson, LMFT-Psychotherapy

We haven't returned to ‘normal’ yet, but it feels like things are beginning to shift: We can almost hear the backyard barbecues; the cubicle-to-cubicle chatter; those awkward, horrible, adorable first date conversations over candlelit dinner. For many, just the thought is anxiety-inducing.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else because they will never be like you, you will never be like them, and that is the biggest blessing, your biggest strength. (Eva Noblezada) They say that comparison is the thief of all joy, and there’s no question that the hours we spend measuring our own life against that of others is time that would be better spent being grateful for what we do have, or even working to achieve the goals we’ve set for ourselves. Of course, some level o...f comparison is inevitable, especially in this age of social media when we can observe the dream vacations, seemingly perfect relationships, and otherwise fabulous lives of others with a quick scroll through our social media feeds. I’m as guilty as anyone no matter how much I want to always be happy when great things happen to others, it can be tough not to weigh our lives against theirs. So what can we do to counteract the comparison game? I think it helps to start each day with gratitude, choose to be present in our everyday lives, limit our social media consumption if necessary, and remind ourselves that we are enough just as we are. See more

As someone who was born in South Korea, then adopted as an infant and raised by white parents, this article resonated with me, especially the part about feeling left out of the national conversation right now because you’ve never truly felt like you belong in either the Asian American community or white America. I think many people will be able to relate to this article, and I hope it is helpful. https://n.pr/3m1fP99

Let’s normalize these! Making mistakes, enforcing boundaries, and asking for help are all parts of how we grow as a person. Illustration credit: @adoseofreminders

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Which is your favorite Pixar film and which is your favorite self-care activity?

A daughter's relationship with her mother should be based on warmth, support, and trust. And to raise confident, secure girls, research suggests that moms focus on these factors. https://bit.ly/3rothW1

On April 10th, I will be doing the West NEDA Walk to support the National Eating Disorders Association, a nonprofit organization that provides life-saving programs and services to individuals and families affected by eating disorders. As a therapist specializing in body image issues and a former NEDA Remote Helpline Chat volunteer, I am proud to support this wonderful organization that works tirelessly to help those suffering from eating disorders on the road to recovery. #NEDAWalk #NEDAWalk2021 National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)

I’m looking forward to this talk by one of my professional heroes, Dr. Irvin Yalom, about his new book, A Matter of Death and Life, which he wrote with his wife Marilyn after her diagnosis of cancer. In alternating accounts of their last months together and Irvin’s first months alone, they offer us a rare window into coping with death and the loss of one’s beloved. Simply put, Dr. Yalom is one of the most brilliant and thoughtful human beings on this planet, and he has been a role model to me as a therapist. He does not shy away from addressing issues many of us avoid both with his clients and in his own life. And at age 89, he is still a practicing psychotherapist.

Today is not only the first day of Spring, it’s also International Day of Happiness! What makes you happy? This year’s theme of Keep Calm. Stay Wise. Be Kind is, of course, in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. As we face an ongoing global crisis together, this year's International Day of Happiness is a chance to find uplifting and positive ways to look after ourselves and one another.

To know what life is worth you have to risk it once in awhile. (Jean-Paul Sartre)

Maintaining healthy boundaries boundaries is a way of taking care of your closest relationships, but setting boundaries can be hard. The process starts by asking yourself what you need. https://n.pr/3aiunfj

This heartbreaking piece, by Celeste Roberge, accurately depicts the physical experience of grief.

Be mindful of what affects your mental health. Image credit: @what.is.mental.illness

I’m currently reading Creatures of a Day by one of my professional heroes, Dr. Irvin Yalom. The book is a collection of ten tales of psychotherapy in which Yalom grapples with two of the biggest challenges everyone faces: how to live a meaningful life, and how to deal with its inevitable end. Of all my books from graduate school, Yalom's resonated the most with me, both as an aspiring therapist and as a human being. Above all, he emphasizes the importance of the therapist...-client bond because, at the end of the day, the size of your "therapist toolbox" means little if you cannot connect with your clients on a genuine human level. I learned a lot about leading therapy groups from Yalom's book, Theory and Practice of Group Therapy in terms of group dynamics and how the group progresses through different stages of change. To be honest, some therapist are great writers, but not-so-great therapists and vice versa. Yalom is that rare bird who is both a great therapist and a great writer. When I met him, back in 2015, I was delighted to discover that he is as warm, empathic, and genuine in-person as he comes across in his books.

If something costs you your peace of mind, it’s not worth it. It’s too costly. Thanks for the reminder, @wonder_doodles.

Although I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, these are some goals I can endorse year-round.

This evening, I attended an interesting webinar with renewed psychiatrist Dr. Irvin Yalom, who in conversation with fellow bestselling author and counseling therapist Lori Gottlieb, discussed the memoir he co-wrote with his late wife Marilyn Yalom (who was a feminist author and historian). Their touching personal story offers unique insight into the process of grief and terminal illness from the perspective of two talented writers who shared a 65-year marriage. Their memoir, "A Matter of Death and Life" is a thorough firsthand account of love, loss, and how to build a life well-lived.

As we ring in 2021, I hear a lot of talk about new year, new you, as if there is something inherently wrong with who you already are. Just because the dates change does not mean you have to change. Of course, you’ll want to achieve things in the coming year, and it’s good to set goals/intentions, but try to see it as building on what you already have rather than making the change the foundation of your happiness. The continuous path towards self-improvement is a timeless process.

I think it’s safe to say that we’re all ready to say goodbye to 2020. It has been a difficult year on so many levels, and our lives have been turned upside down in ways we never could have imagined. Still, I am hopeful that 2021 will bring some much-needed change. If there is one thing this year has taught me, it’s never to take anything or anyone for granted because life can change in an instant. These days, I’m holding my family and friends a little closer to my heart and look forward to the day when we can be together again. Wishing you and your loved ones a happier and healthier 2021.

Asking before speaking about our bodies with friends can help mitigate harm we might not realize we’re inflicting. Talking about our body-based insecurities may ease them in the short term, but in the long term they can hurt us just as much as they can hurt those around us. https://www.self.com/story/body-talk-consent

Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go. What are some things you are letting go of this season?

In the midst of this pandemic, many of us are spending more time online and on social media. Give yourself permission to step away and enjoy a book, a walk, or a conversation with a friend or family member. Art credit: @drawnbymary

Great reminder on World Mental Health Day, thanks to @colormehappii.

Today is also World Mental Health Day. I believe that mental health conditions are important to discuss year-round, but highlighting them on World Mental Health Day provides a dedicated time for mental health advocates across the country to come together as one unified voice. Please take some time to share resources with family and friends to destigmatize mental illness, engage in conversations, and reach out to anyone you feel may need it. Illustration credit: @wonder_doodles

It’s NAMIWalks Day and World Mental Health Day! This is my fourth NAMIWalks and I’m excited for this morning’s virtual event celebrating mental health. I'm truly thankful to be part of such a wonderful organization that provides mental health education, support, and advocacy in our community. I first joined NAMI SCC in 2017 as a volunteer and am now the Peer Connectors Program Advisor. NAMI is a lifeline for many individuals and families who need a place to turn. NAMI gives them help and hope. #namiwalkssv #notalone #mentalhealthforall NAMI Santa Clara County

Perfectionism is not the same thing has striving to be your best. In Brene Brown’s words, perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight. . Illustration credit: @colormehappii

Remember when you were little and your parents would measure your height against the wall? They would make a small mark on the wall, put your name, and maybe even the date. When it was time to check your growth, they didn’t measure against your brother’s line, they measured you against your previous line. When you are working towards your goals, don’t compare your progress to anyone but yourself.

Great reminder, @colormehappii.

NEDA Walk Day! I’m excited for today’s virtual event. As a therapist specializing in body image issues and a former NEDA Remote Helpline Chat volunteer, I am proud to support this wonderful organization that provides lifesaving programs and services to individuals and families affected by eating disorders. #nedawalk #nedawalk2020

Things I wish I knew sooner and want you to know now. Illustration credit: @simplysophiedesigns

Language matters in mental health. The words we choose and the meanings we attach to them influence our feelings, attitudes and beliefs. Our language choices have a powerful effect on how we view mental health and people living with mental health conditions.