Gay Therapy Center

Do you find yourself struggling with perfectionism? Perfectionism is pretty common for LGBTQ+ folks. Being perfect is one way to manage feeling like an outside in your family or your community. Perfectionism can be about feeling less than as a gay person. When you rewrite those stories you tell yourself about feeling less worthy as a gay person, you will feel less of a need to be perfect. Perfectionism can also offer good things, like the praise of the people we love, which is especially critical as a young gay person. Founder + Director of the Gay Therapy Center Adam Blum discusses some tips he’s found helpful with his gay clients in therapy to overcome perfectionism. https://youtu.be/fPbpuBPkXJs

Here's my latest article on gay ghosting for lgbtqnation: https://www.lgbtqnation.com//05/ghosting-lgbtq-people-deal/

I think gay men might be the most sexually creative people in the world. I don’t have any research data to support this, but have you heard of San Francisco’s Folsom Street Fair? It’s the world largest celebration of sexuality, and it was created by gay men. At the Gay Therapy Center, part of our agenda is to help couples support all that creativity with beautiful, intimate communication. Without that support, sexuality can definitely hurt. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-open-relationship

Whatever you do, the Inner Critic will criticize you. If you push on it, it will just push back. The best strategy is to borrow techniques from the martial art of Aikido. Aikido is performed by blending with the motion of the attacker and redirecting the force of the attack rather than opposing it head-on. After you identify the voice of the Inner Critic you can apply the Truth Filter. Ask: "Is there anything about this critique that is true?" If so, own it. Acknowledge that truth and let the sadness or loss come up. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-therapist-secrets

You are dating a five-year-old. Yes, that man across the dinner table from you--the one with beard stubble and crow's--feet is actually a five-year-old boy. So are you. All of us retain our experiences as children throughout our lives. And when we are fighting with our boyfriends there's a good chance that our inner five-year-old vulnerabilities have been triggered.... And to be a really good boyfriend, one of your jobs is to know your partner's five-year-old triggersas well as your own. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-marriage-counseli

Join Gay Therapy Center Founder and Director Adam Blum for a conversation on gay men and their mothers. In this video, Adam is talking to Rick Miller, who is the founder and executive director of Gay Sons and Mothers. This organization does research on this important relationship. Rick is also a well-known psychotherapist in Boston and has written several books about gay men. Adam and Rick discuss the themes that Rick has found in his research, how he came to be interested in this research, masculinity + femininity as a gay man, what makes a good mother, the romanticism of gay men and their mothers, the trauma of rejection, divas, beauty and aesthetics, and Rick’s nonprofit where he does his research. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/vJf24gqYcRw

Adam D. Blum, MFT, the Founder and Director of the Gay Therapy Center, offers advice about how to have a successful open gay relationship in this 8-minute video. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-open-relationship

One of the most enduring societal beliefs about gay men is that they will grow old alone. Look even deeper at the culture and you may find a classic stereotype of the gay man: an old, pale, lonely, creepy looking guy who might be a pedophile. The visual of this looks something like Monty Burns, owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant on The Simpsons. A gay man who spends a lot of time alone is not considered cool in any movie I've seen. In fact, they are usually under s...uspicion for doing something nasty. As a therapist I sometimes see the destructive behaviors that can be linked to the Outsider Trigger. Compulsively searching for sex as a validation for being attractive--which is really a desire to fit in--can be the cause of a lot of pain and drama in a life. Overdoing recreational drugs can be a problematic result of needing to be accepted by a group. Overachievement is sometimes another strategy to fight off fear of loneliness. That's why developing a strong group of supportive friends is so important. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-psychologist-man-

Here’s the big secret: we all are incredibly vulnerable creatures. Even the most confident, successful and good-looking people are insecure and frightened underneath. And when challenges like betrayal, health concerns, or financial issues arise, the inability to talk about vulnerable emotions becomes a big problem. In couples counseling we create the opportunity for you to survive being more vulnerable with the person you love. When that happensand it does happen with 75% o...f couples in counselingyou experience an intimacy you’ve never had before. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-marriage-counseli See more

Sternly telling yourself to just get over it when you find yourself back in that place of fear, anxiety, or anger isn’t going to result in lasting change. Personal transformation happens when we learn to hold those wounded parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion. And that sometimes means talking to yourself the way a good parent would try to calm a hurt young child. The tone is soft, the care is expressed, and it usually includes soothing words of encouragement. ...Sometimes a special treat is offered. And what tend to be the final words at the end? I love you. Of course. Try it at home. It’s 100% non-toxic with no negative side effects. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-psychotherapy-in-

What if you stopped torturing yourself for being shy? What if you noticed when your shyness arose, acknowledged that you were feeling shy, and then paused and felt compassion for yourself? Try it. It’s delicious. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//2015/5/the-shy-gay-guy

Unfortunately, feelings of loneliness and isolation are really common in the gay community despite the focus on love and relationships. Sometimes you might struggle with making connections at all, and other times you may feel alone in a crowded room because it’s so hard to forge true connections. Let’s explore how you can constructively deal with these feelings and share a life you’re excited to live! https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//5-tips-to-overcome-yo

Some gay men have trouble figuring out what they love. As we examine this in therapy, sometimes we begin to understand that from a young age, what they loved was brutally shamed. No wonder it’s hard for them to trust that it’s okay to love what you love. They learned that, in order to be accepted, they needed to like what other boys liked.

When you didn't get enough of something as a kid, it can have lifelong consequences. If you're a gay man, you probably didn't get the validation you wanted and needed growing up. Luckily, there are ways to learn how to provide that validation for yourself. Gay Therapy Center Founder and Director Adam Blum explains how here: https://youtu.be/kRt9Jz4xpOg

Gay Therapy Center Founder Adam D. Blum, MFT talks about how gay couples can repair their relationship after an affair. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//can-a-gay-relationshi

In this video, Adam D. Blum, MFT, the Founder of the Gay Therapy Center, reveals how to reduce fights with your partner by understanding what is really going on beneath the surface of the fight. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-therapist-how-to-

The complex issues of feminity and masculinity play a key role in the development of every gay man. Why are gay men ridiculed in our society? So how can gay men let go of these deeply internalized, negative societal messages? Here are some suggestions: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com///gay-men-and-feminity

Coming out is a lifelong process. And if you choose to stop at a certain stage you may be depriving yourself of feeling fully alive. And you could feel less connected to the human race. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-men-coming-out-ve

There's a reason why they call the marches and celebrations Pride. It is the opposite of shame. Coming out does take bravery. But without bravery we'd still be huddling in windowless bars, running from police, and marrying people we weren’t attracted to. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//why-coming-out-is-imp

Are you and your partner thinking about opening up your relationship to additional sexual partners? Here are some considerations that may help you get ready: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//open-gay-relationship

Can you fully hear and accept your partner's guidelines even when they are different than your own? Are you able to track yourself and know when you are getting close to violating a guideline? Are you comfortable telling your partner about the limits you need him to respect?... Can you enter into an open relationship with a real commitment not to hurt your partner's feelings? Can you commit to sincere and patient emotional repair if by accident your partner's feelings are hurt? If you answered "no" to any of these questions, then maybe you are not yet ready for an open relationship. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//open-gay-relationship

Ah, the pitter-patter of little feet. Whether or not to have children is arguably one of the biggest decisions any adult ever makes, but with lesbian couples, the questions multiply: Who will give birth? Who will provide the sperm a friend, relative or a sperm bank? https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//lesbian-couples-navig

Want to know more about our services? Read what over 500 people have said about our work here: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com/testimonials/

A strong relationship gets stronger when a couple learns how to talk about triggering topics in a way that brings them closer together. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//does-dont-ask-dont-te

Are you frequently exhausted when you come home from the office? Do you resent how much time you spend at work? Do you worry that you are neglecting the rest of your life? Do the weekends--when you get to have them--feel like recovery time rather than discovery time? In my private practice I hear a lot about the pain of work overtaking life. Life can feel hopeless and meaningless when all you do is work, eat, commute, and do your laundry. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-psychotherapist-d

Our expert therapists offer individual gay therapy and gay couples or marriage counseling. If you’re single, you may wonder if you’ll ever have a relationship that makes you happy. Things have gone wrong in your relationships so many times. You’ve had enough pain. You want something better. If you are looking for gay couples counseling we know that you’re struggling in your relationship. It may be because your partner hooked-up with someone, conflicting sexual desires, fights... that never get resolved, or you can’t agree on rules for an open relationship. You want to be closer to your partner and feel the love between you more strongly. We can help! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08q7pbTUrU4

If you’ve read many articles or research on bisexuality and mental health, you’ve heard all about the stresses and risk factors for bi+ folks. But what about the positive psychological aspects and strengths of the bisexual community? Our very own Lindsey Brooks, Ph.D. breaks it down in this post: https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//5-strengths-of-bisexu

When you fight with your partner it can feel like he or she is the enemy. Couples can get momentarily trapped in a belief that the person they love is evil, intent on doing them harm. Unless you are in love with a sociopath, your partner is not evil. But I understand that’s how it feels when you are in a cycle of fighting. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//gay-psychologist-how-

Pay attention to your reaction and try to be conscious of any pre-conceived negative judgment that you have around HIV. Some people still believe that only a slut or someone who is self-hating would be careless enough to get HIV. That just isn’t true, and comes from a place of prejudice. Having HIV doesn’t define a person, and may not even say anything about them at all. If you feel yourself going into a place of judgment, just acknowledge it as a first step to letting it go. https://www.thegaytherapycenter.com//so-the-guy-you-like-j