Eva Van Prooyen, MFT

We all have a window of tolerance in which we are able to fully engage. If we perceive too much threat, we leave that window and go into fight, flight, or fre...eze. Be aware of this when you are in an argument. If you notice you or your partner are leaving your window of tolerance, take a break. You don’t need to fix a problem with one conversation. To give yourself the best chance of staying in this window of tolerance: - Don’t beat around the bush. Get right to your point and be succinct. - Make sure your partner is given equal time to make their points - Only focus on one topic - Aim for a win-win solution - Agree to keep your argument short Put a priority on making sure you both feel ok for the moment. If one of you is hurt, deal with that pain before trying to solve anything else. Again, you can always come back to the main issue at another time. What’s important is that you both feel safe and are in a state where you can collaborate with each other. For more tips on how to navigate conflict with your partner, sign up for my free 7-day guide to better fights: https://bit.ly/7daystobetterfights

When you recite your relationship vows, perhaps you should say, I take you as my pain in the ass, with all your history and baggage. I take responsibility for ...all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you now are in my care. Now, I doubt many people would proclaim these in a wedding ceremony, but this is exactly what secure-functioning partners sign up for. They make the conscious choice to take each other as is.

These are the six skills Dr. John Gottman says can help couples learn how to manage conflict and live in harmony.

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