Courtney Beals, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

The bridge between who we are and who we want to be. The key to not feeling like shit is deciding what you do and don’t want to care about and then having the courage/discipline to follow suit. For example...... I don’t want to care about what so and so is up to on social media so I consciously decide not to look even though I want to. Desire passes like a craving (3-5 minutes) and will power is strengthened for next time. Eventually I might find that I no longer care or have the desire to check. I want to care more about the environment but it doesn’t directly affect me so my motivation is low. I have to consciously choose to pick up others trash even though I don’t want to. Rewards? I can rest better knowing my wants and actions are more aligned. Eventually I might find myself actively caring and having the desire to pick up trash and liking myself more because of it. Let’s not be victims of our habits. With courage and discipline, we can rewire our tendencies. We can evolve into who we want to be if we are deliberate about where we put our efforts/attention.

Your primary goal is not to get rid of negative feelings and feel better, but to block them from controlling your behavior while you continue to act like a decent person. -M. BennettYour primary goal is not to get rid of negative feelings and feel better, but to block them from controlling your behavior while you continue to act like a decent person. -M. Bennett

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,... drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away. George Carlin

Suffering does not come from our pain...it comes from our response to it. Often the moment when we most need pause is exactly when it feels most intolerable to do so. During the moments of pause, we become conscious of how the feeling that something is missing or wrong keeps us leaning into the future, on our way somewhere else. Taking our hands off the controls and pausing is an opportunity to clearly see the wants and fears that are driving us. This gives us fundamental ...choice in how we respond. -Tara Brach from Radical Acceptance

If this year has taught us anything, it’s that we all had an illusion of control over our lives and the world. Peace for me comes when I have let go of that illusion instead of trying to grip onto it so tightly.