The Vanderpool Firm

on intercom* me: did you already send that email? paralegal: yes. me: damn. I thought of something even more condescending I wanted to add.

"oh. ok. well I guess that's a totally plausible explanation, no further questions...." - why you don't ask open-ended questions on cross.

me: your honor I’m going to object, I’m sensing a lot of negative vibrations coming from these questions. court: sustained.

This is a profoundly true statement. Try to let it sink in If the stay at home orders that are coming will massively change the way you have been living your social life lately, it is quite likely you are the reason we are going to get more stay at home orders.

As we say in the courtroom, our case is with the jury.

COP: I'm going to need some ID. SIGMUND FREUD: As an infant, you care only about your own satisfaction. COP: Damn this guy's good.

Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: Haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant.

The reason we have an obesity problem in this country is scales. With no scales to measure weight, there would be no obesity statistics.

Court: Counsel, the Simpsons did it is not a proper objection.

Court: Your request to cut into this witness is denied counsel....without prejudice.

Court: "Counsel, your objection to all this sorcery is denied, the matter may proceed via Zoom."

I am co-hosting an Plaintiff's Attorney Only Webinar on Thursday, July 9th at 2:00 p.m. Pacific with Terry Mazura on ESI - E Discovery and Guerilla Tactics. https://www.octla.org/index.cfm

Legal Tip #1: Wear a 'Price is Right' t-shirt to jury duty.

You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendants as you give them a double thumbs up.

"And the smell of rot fills the country." - John Steinbeck in The Grapes of Wrath.

I've actually done this, but without court permission.

Your honor, would you like to delay justice and put the needs of those who couldn’t be bothered to be here today before the needs of those who actually honored their court obligations or should I go ahead and get started?