BEAST goodr

Meet the COSMIC CRYSTALS, a new celestial era. We have manifested 12 new crystal-bathed goodr sunglasses to guide you in setting your deepest Intentions. Energetically activated by Celeste Moonbeam, Healer, Clairvoyant, and Believer In The Mutually Beneficial Exchange Of Your Money For These Intuitive Sunglasses. Shop these goodrs: Cosmic Crystals Link to shop! https://goodr.com/collections/cosmic-crystals

OCR. Or what we like to call "Octopus Community Regatta." @jules.abbott "I'm a Savage. Yeah. Sunny, muddy, sweatin'." Be Loud. Be You. Be a Beast.

Carl's Gainz Guide: 001 No, Carl isn’t break dancing. He’s doing double-unders...Well, more like struggle unders. Btw, if you can’t do a single under, just jump up and down. Fake it til you make it, baby.

Building 12th century temples was the world's first AMRAP. Basically, without CrossFit we wouldn't have the Seven Wonders of the World. Alas, the future would be void without your beloved strength and conditioning routines. Brick by brick that sh*t was built. Be grateful that class only lasts an hour these days. (And we'll be grateful if you don't fact check us on when the Seven Wonders of the World were built.) Shop these goodrs: The Future is Void Link to Shop! https://goodr.com/products/the-future-is-void

Manlyn Bunroe sighting! Yes, we named Joshua Al-chamaa's man bun. Pretty sure that's where he gets his strength. Be Loud. Be You. Be a Beast. @joshuaalchamaa "That Beast warrior yell after you shotgun a NOCCO. Be Loud!" @marcellabphotography

Carl is single and looking for his Valentine's date, so, we need your best pick-up lines over on @goodr IG LIVE FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12th, NOON (PST). If he's wooed by your line, you'll win a pair of our SOLD OUT Carl's Got a Candy Heart On! (and there's even something in it for you as long as you at least make an effort...)

Our 2021 Flamboyance has been chosen!!! We'll wait while you check your email... Done? Ok, to those chosen: congrats & welcome to the flamily!!! Details are forthcoming on your blood sacrifice initiation ceremony. (J/K - or are we?) If you were not chosen: Sorry. Please read a sympathy card next time you're at the grocery store for our deepest condolences. We hope you still love us and want to be friends, like people that get rejected on reality dating shows, they all stay friends afterward, we're pretty sure. And don't forget to apply again next year. Hindsight is 2022.

BE LOUD. Maybe your "friends" complain, but you should keep talking about CrossFit as much as you damn well please, keep posting your workout vids, keep roaring like a warrior, keep wrapping that strong bod in the brightest fit you can find, and KEEP TALKING ABOUT CROSSFIT AS MUCH AS YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.

EVERYONE: Introducing Naeon Flux Capacitor. Yeah, we know you see those sick gull-wing doors on that DeLorean, but eyes up here, buddy. Look at the shades. With their naeon yellow frames and silver gradient lenses, they can help you navigate the present, past, or future. Just don't hook up with one of your past/future relatives b/c you might destroy the space-time continuum and it's super gross. Shop these goodrs: Naeon Flux Capacito Link to Shop! https://goodr.com/collectio//products/naeon-flux-capacitor

Introducing Honky Tonk Donald. Some dads pass on trite advice like Always let your conscience be your guide, or, worse yet, half-assed punny jokes that make everyone groan. Other dads, like Don Lease (swipe to see the legend in the flesh), give their kids something that actually improves their lives: The Stones. goodr CEO @stephenlease would come home to his dad lying on the couch with headphones plugged into the record player, mainlining Honky Tonk Woman and other faves. If that isn’t the best advice for a great life, we don’t know what is. Here’s to you, Don. Shop these goodrs: Honky Tonk Donald Link to Shop! https://goodr.com/collections/goodr-x-the-rolling-stones

A great woman once said the biggest modeling tip is to pretend that one part of your body is in pain. But sometimes you don't have to pretend. Really, we're broken today. Did one too many handstand push ups. But now we look like a supermodel. Right? Shop these goodrs: Fast as Shell Click here to shop: https://goodr.com/products/fast-as-shell

Coach said it's okay to eat a "workout carb" but never specified what kind of carb to eat. Some choose pasta. Some prefer gummy bears. We like eating buttery croissants in hoity-toity boutiques. And yes, two croissants are necessary. Can't let the arms get uneven. Shop these goodrs: Breakfast Run to Tiffany's Click here to shop: https://goodr.com/products/breakfast-run-to-tiffanys

What's your favorite thing to do when you're not Beasting? Gaming? You are in LUCK. Announcing our newest vertical @gamegoodr - because gamers go outside too! The 8-Bit Line features 8 shades inspired by retro games, and 5 of them have Blue Mirage Technology, which means they block blue light and what's that? Oh, you DIDN'T say "gaming?" You said "taming?" As in "lion taming?" That's your favorite thing to do when you're not Beasting? Tame lions? Huh. We were way off. Guess we'll have to make a vertical for lion tamers. Until then, enjoy @gamegoodr. Shop these goodrs: Game goodr Click here to shop: https://goodr.com/collections/gaming-glasses

Wonder Woman's pre-fight checklist: Golden Tiara (Not sparkly headband) Bracelets of Submission (Not snap bracelets) Red chestplate (Not work shirt) Blue bottoms (Not spanx)... Knee-high boots (Not The Stompy Twins) Lasso of Truth (Not My Whips Don’t Lie!) Any questions? Shop these goodrs: It's Not a Whip, It's a Lasso Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//w/products/it-s-not-a-whip-it-s-a-lasso

SOLD OUT Introducing 800 Years Young. How old is Wonder Woman? We’re scared to ask, but we did five minutes of research and we’re guessing eight centuries. At least. Since she’s a demigoddess. Yes, we’re jealous, but we’re also inspired. Age ain’t nothing but a number! So, be an optimist. On your birthday, don’t complain I’m so old! Say I’m so much younger than Wonder Woman! Then put on these timeless WW comic-patterned sunnies. They’ll cover up your crow’s feet.

Introducing It’s Not A Whip, It’s A Lasso! The dictionary defines whip as a length of cord with a handle used for striking and lasso as a length of cord in a loop used for capturing. See the difference? Wonder Woman wants to capture criminals, not strike them, but she might have to strike them to capture them, so she carries a lasso that can whip but is not a whip, not a whip that can lasso but is not a lasso. It’s quite simple. Celebrate proper nomenclature with these WW costume-patterned sunnies. Shop these goodrs: It's Not a Whip, It's a Lasso Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//w/products/it-s-not-a-whip-it-s-a-lasso

Thanksgiving is stuffed with abuse. You get the pleasure of visiting family and the pain of annoying questions like, "Why aren't you married yet?" You get the joy of a mouthwatering feast and the torment of regaining all the weight you just lost. You feel thankful about life's blessings and angry about whitewashed colonialism. But you just can't help yourself and stop celebrating it, can you? Slap on these turkey-colored sunnies with cranberry lenses and embrace 50 Shades of Gravy. Shop these goodrs: 50 Shades of Gravy Click here to shop: https://goodr.com/products/50-shades-of-gravy

HAPPY WONDER WOMAN DAY! Celebrate with our new WW-themed shades. And don’t forget, it’s a holiday, so you don’t have to go to work. Wonder Woman, however, will be working. She’s always working as she fights for peace and equality. Sounds like a tough job. Diana, take the day off! We’ll cover for you. Wait, no. We can’t do her job. We’re just good at writing dumb copy about sunglasses. And we’re barely good at that. Diana, keep working. Everyone else, take the day off. Boom. Perfect. Shop these goodrs: It's Not a Whip, It's a Lasso and 800 Year Young Click here to shop: https://goodr.com/collections/wonder-woman

When you find that must-have workout shoe with the perfect print and get carried away constructing that new gym look. Slay, girl, slay! Maybe this should just turn into an active rest day and you can speed walk your way through the world strutting your stuff. That burns calories. Shop these goodrs: Vegan Friendly Couture Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//the-run/products/vegan-friendly-couture

Introducing Vegan Friendly Couture. You’re getting ready for work and telling yourself you look purrfect. But when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you know you're lion. If you go to the office like this, you'll be a social leopard! Something's missing, so you take a deep breath and paws. Then you realize these gold and brown patterned sunglasses will give you the eye of the tiger. Beaming with pride, you leave home, ready to roar! (And the first item on your to-do list is to fire that pun-loving copywriter, Klaus.) Shop these goodrs: Vegan Friendly Courture Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//the-run/products/vegan-friendly-couture

Forget dumbbells and kettlebells for arm workouts. Just hold bouquets during photoshoots for four hours. You'll feel toned arms come to life. And experience mental toughness. And get to look at pretty flowers. Shop these goodrs: Freshly Picked Cerulean Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//the-ru/products/freshly-picked-cerulean

Introducing Freshly Picked Cerulean. "Blue sunglasses"?! How dare you! Your Philistine mouth mangles art. In 2015, Carl de la Flamingo did a groundbreaking collection of cerulean sunnies. Then it was Bosley St. Basset, wasn’t it, who launched cerulean chew toys? After that, came cerulean tiki drinks, and - oh, oh, what's the point? This fashion lesson is wasted on your vulgar ears. Move along, darling. These cerulean lensed floral patterned frames aren't for you. "Blue sunglasses." Pfft. Indeed! Shop these goodrs: Freshly Picked Cerulean Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//the-ru/products/freshly-picked-cerulean

Make a statement at your next race or competition by rocking gingham. That magic picnic blanket fabric strikes fear into competitors' hearts and most definitely gets in their heads about the outfit they picked. AND THAT'S WHEN YOU CRUSH THEM. (By outperforming them, not by literally crushing them, you'll get penalized for that) Shop these goodrs: Gingham is Sooo Las Season Click here to shop: https://goodr.com//th/products/gingham-is-sooo-last-season