Addiction Modesto

Do you wonder if you are in an abusive or toxic relationship? COVID stress is increasing domestic violence. Check the article to see if it fits. Get help - Call 1-800-799-7233 or our United Way's 211 to direct you to local resources. "As Lillian Glass, PhD, communications and psychology expert and author of Toxic People, has previously said, a toxic relationship is any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to under...mine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness. So, key toxic, abusive relationship signs include ongoing unhappiness and dissatisfaction. They are relationships that are emotionally and physically draining and damaging, and there isn’t an overall feeling of safety or calm in them. If you are in a relationship where you feel consistently angry, anxious, unhappy, or even ambivalent, the relationship may be toxic or abusive." https://www.wellandgood.com/toxic-abusive-relationship-sig/

What we FOCUS on gets BIGGER and what's "fired together becomes wired together." (Rick Hanson) There's a lot of fire and anger in the air these days. People are angry about how others are so stupid to vote Republican or vote Democratic. We are angry about COVID, the fires in California, job loss, our husbands and wives. There's anger & fear about your partner, or children or yourself using more alcohol or drugs to cope with all the stress and anxiety. Underneath that anger... is fear - fear of a loss of control of the way we'd like things to be. When the anger feels like too much take a few breaths and calm and soothe yourself as you remember all the GOOD in our fellow human beings, in our communities, in our states and in our country. Try to focus more on the conditions you want to create than the problems in your own life or in the world. And, please take time to meditate, pray, be with nature - each and every day as a remedy to all the intensity "out there". Blessings - Lynn

Well, this new FB structure isn't allowing me to upload an image - If anyone can point me in the right direction - I am appreciative. In the meantime - Today in meditation The Golden Rule came to mind - The Golden Rule states we should treat others as we would like to be treated - and most religions of the world have some version of this as guidance. Today - be unconditionally friendly to yourself (I'm not saying eat the whole bag of cookies...) But when you catch yourself be...ing snarky to yourself (or someone else) forgive and move on. Mindfully - Breathe In and repeat to self: "Breathing in I calm body & mind Breathing Out - I smile (actually do it) Breathing in - Dwelling in the present moment Breathing Out - I know this is a wonderful moment - Blessings - Lynn

Until yesterday I knew nothing about COVID "long haulers" - those that have continuing symptoms - sometimes for months. This woman is making a slow...recovery so sharing if the info could help someone else. Blessings - Lynn Telford-Sahl

I've been having this uneasy feeling and I got why today as I was reminded in meditation of a Course In Miracles understanding that the biggest mistakes we humans make is believing we are separate - from God, from ourselves, from our fellow human beings. This belief that we are separate rather than whole and connected leads to all sorts of issues - insecurity, anxiety, comparing ourselves to others, potentially depression. Here's a release prayer I learned many years ago - I... say it until I feel a shift and then repeat as necessary throughout a challenging day: I love you (to God, ourself, a person we're struggling with) I'm sorry (you don't have to identify what you're sorry for) Please forgive me (indicates a willing to let go) Thank You (It is done) Let me know if you try this and enjoy the release. Blessings, Lynn

A great way to deal with conflict is to "argue the other side". Love this! Not easy tho... "Recently I (author MJ Ryan) came across the method social psychologist Anatol Rapoport suggested a great recipe for dealing with conflict. Rapoport believed that first you should reexpress the other person’s position so well that they feel truly understood. Then you should list any points on which you agree and anything you have learned from what they said. Only then do you offer your perspective. Folks who use this habit changer to remind them to follow Rapoport's process are amazed to find that it moves them past conflict gridlock to much more collaborative possibilities.

Conflict is part of life. We can all use a little help to learn better conflict management skills. Blessings - Lynn

I'm talking with many couples that are struggling with addiction. Stress, anxiety, uncertainty fuel addictive choices to drink more, use more. Because of this there's increased tension in relationships. Women want their men or loved ones to get help and get it now. Their patience is at an end. The good news is that crisis can lead to healing. If your spouse isn't ready to get help - then get it for yourself. Counseling, Alanon (free 12 Step service - google for groups in your area). Blessings - Lynn

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz (Sufi poet and mystic) Let's remember the light while we deal with any darkness in the world or in our selves. Let's remember that we are not only a political self, but a whole self with many wonderful parts. The struggles we have are purposeful if they help move us toward greater kindness, compassion, love, generosity and peace. Lots of hugs and blessings - Lynn

If you're having extra stress during this COVID time - you are not alone. Here are some suggestions for managing feelings and finding some balance. See article below for more... For couples: Take turns expressing feelings about this crisis so one person is able to be there for the other.... Adjust Expectations: If you're in counseling save the relationship challenges for therapy. If not, give yourselves permission to table expecting too much of yourself or your partner. Healthy Self Care can involve many activities - music, walks in nature, meditating, prayer, yoga - Since we have time we can do these practices throughout the day. For Singles: Reach out to family & friends if you are lonely, stressed, or need some help. Don't wait for them - ASK! And, be gentle with yourself. My favorite quickie centering practice is to take some deep breaths - Breathe in to the count of 4 - Hold for 4 - Breathe out for 4 - repeat for 10.

In the midst of this pandemic, it's easy to understand reaching for escape, comfort, oblivion. Too often, today that reach becomes the final escape. There's always hope - if you're alive. If you're using opioids and want to get off, there is help available. It's a process and do it safely, weaning a bit at a time, WITH SUPPORT. Online NA 12 step groups, a therapist, psychiatrist, family - all important - but one of those is better than none and 12 Step is Free!

Over using social media, gaming, shopping online or porn? All these sometimes guilty pleasures can become problematic because of over use. "What fires together, wires together," is a term that means when we repeatedly do a behavior or a substance (healthy or not) neural pathways are created in the brain. Before we realize it our spouse may be saying - "Why are you on your phone so much? Or you lose track of time and suddenly it's 2:00 a.m. and you're exhausted for work the next day. Take this easy assessment to see if your internet use is taking a darker turn. Blessings - Lynn

Here is a poem, I guess we can call it, that I often say out loud in my morning meditation. It always brings a bit of peace & JOY. Morning Song by Ptaah (I don't know who Ptaah is) From the God/Goddess All of my being... I give forth thanks. For the Love that I AM. For the love in my life and the love that surrounds me, Thank you for the miracle of life that I AM and Thank you for the miracle of life I see reflected all about me. Thank you for this perfect body, my health and well-being, Thank you. Thank you for the abundance that I AM and Thank you for the abundance I see reflected all about me. Thank you for the riches and richness of my life and Thank you for the rivers of money which flows to me and through me Thank you Thank you for the excitement and adventure of the millions of wondrous possibilities and wondrous probabilities Thank you. Thank you for the wonderment and thank you for the JOY. Thank you for the beauty and harmony. Thank you for the peace and tranquility. Thank you for the laughter and thank you for the play. And, Thank you for the privilege of serving and sharing the gift that I AM. Thank You! Thank You!! Thank You!!

Have you wondered if you're in a relationship with a narcissist? Or, why the person you're with always makes everything about them and you feel undervalued or even crazy? Read on... "Narcissists view themselves entirely differently i.e., preferentially compared to others, making those around them less valued. Other tip offs: They have no need to apologize, they need constant attention, rules don't apply to them, they expect loyalty but don't give it, they lie, you will be talked to and treated badly and be expected to take it." What to do? Run... but sometimes people choose to stick it out so prepare yourself - see below.