A Spinster's Refuge

Well, I was told that OkStupid now would not let people message eachother unless they had mutual likes. Um. How come I am still getting unsolicited shite like this, then?

Welp. I awoke this afternoon (I'm an insomniac. Don't judge) to a message from a 45 year old man that said, " You seem interesting. LOL" A 45 year old. The what? I think I must have swiped right on this guy because he was handsome, not heinously younger than me, near me and had the number 17 in his user name. ... On closer inspection however..... Um. I spend a lot of time thinking about "When are we going to know humans real history" As an anthropologist, I don't know how to begin to approach this answer. Is he talking about actual history, science, aliens? I got nothing. You should message me if: "If you are true to your word" ok "and not indecisive, an indecisive person is the person lost to their being." Um. Some menus make it really hard to make a decision. Also, sometimes always being decisive means, lack of consideration and therefore, faulty decisions. Lost to their being? I think you are trying to say something profound here but I think you just don't like indecisive people. Moving on. "You are kind, honest, happy and truthworth." Truthworth? You meant trustworthy, right? Do you have spellcheck? "Nevertheless," Huh? Do you know how to use that word? Do you? I am dubious. "Wants to have a long term relationship and only to share; not control or be needy, but to enjoy!" I feel like this person thinks they are a literate genius and that their vocabulary, punctuation and grammar choices are supposed to impress me. At least this one doesn't care if I am a bitch, as long as I am a decisive and trustworth bitch. What do you think? 78% match (Oooooh) and there's no lol after the comment about my smile. Should I message him back? What should I say?

OkStoopid recommended a fellow to me. Shocking, I know. He was in the right age bracket, kind of cute, recently divorced and admittedly working through it. Everything looked ok. UNTIL..... I got to the very end and in the, "You should message me, if:" portion, he said, "If you're not a bitch." SWIPE LEFT. ... Dude is not working through his divorce. Funny how so few words can tell you so much!

Why do so many guys on OkStoopid have Taco in their profiles? I asked a fellow once, I think his name had some combination including English and taco. He was from England but he didn't particularly like tacos and he had no latino heritage (ugh that would be kinda awkward). He said that was the suggestion OkStupid gave him. I was like, scratching my head thinking, and you just went with that? Also, if you have the user name, "Long Thick and Hard" I am not interested. Eew.

Heh. Just saw a profile from a guy with a dealbreaker stipulation on his profile. Evidently, he's not interested in womem if they "worship at the altar of Oprah." After I swiped in the reject direction I kinda wished I had asked him what he meant by that. Sure, it could be a valid criticism of people who get swept up in a media personality and buy into everything they say. (Oprah says, Fox news says) But it could also be a slam at anyone who is interested in lots of ideas to improve their life, relationships and self worth. As trend ridiculous and puffy as some of the ideas Oprah has put forth on her show, network and publications have been she really does strive to put things out there that will helo people live a better life. Dude, maybe there's a reason you are divorced.

Well, the fabulously creative message guy has so far failed to top his opener, but at least he is conversing. But wait, OKStoopid tells me someone likes me! Oh my goodness! Who can it be? Oh. They have a droopy flower on a cactus for a profile picture. Well, maybe they have some actual photos or something more interesting on their profile. What could it hurt to click? I don't want to miss out on my soul.......Oh. Oh. No. Discreet (expletive deleted) My (expletive deleted) hell to the no. Welp. I'm glad there were no other photos. Not going to take OKStoopid's suggestion to send this person a message, but if I did, I would thank them for being discreet instead of posting photos because I don't even wanna......

OkCupid, I am going to feel guilty next time I mock you. Bravo! I kinda wish that we could see screen shots of his pathetic profile though.

Well, this is worth posting about. I got a message that had me giggling heartily. I wirh more men were this thoughtful and creative. My profile is a bit off putting nowdays. Before you can even get to the good stuff, I have a section about online dating peeves and types of messages I won't respond to. This fellow included (hilariously) just about every thing I find offensive and then incorporated things I like which proves he actually took some time into reading my profile. This, like everything else will probably lead nowhere but hey, a laugh is a laugh. Enjoy!

I haven't posted in a while because I have been really busy NOT dating! These are too funny not to post though, I *cough* can't relate to any of them. *tries to whistle nonchalantly*

I almost want to have another bad date just so I can try this!

This is from last year and it just popped back up on my radar. Not all the messages I get are horrible: "I took a break and noticed I had a crap ton of ok stoopid messages, so what the hell, why not? 1) Offensive 2) Really Offensive... 3) Lame 4) Unintelligible 5) Offensive 6) Canned message 7) Nope 8) Hell nope 9) Some guy who thinks I'm cool, cute and sexy. His profile is more interesting than his message. I'll respond. *shrug* 10) Ok. What is the deal with leading by straight out asking someone out on a date, without saying why you're interested or any conversation first? So, I ask the guy if he actually read my profile and what would make him want to take me out for dinner? I have to say, this was a pretty sweet response. UPDATE: This guy turned out to be a couchsurfing alcoholic who slept in his truck when he couldn't find a couch. The plethora of red flags meant this didn't go anywhere, but he was adorable when he wasn't lying and to be fair, this answer was sweet and I believe, genuine. See more

*sigh* The people OKStoopid suggests are compatible with me, usually aren't, but sometimes I still can't resist clicking on them. Then, when I see that I'm right and we have little to nothing in common, I feel compelled to send them a message because I just know they are going to see I've looked at their profile and sneer at the fat girl who thought she might be in their league. The message I send is usually along the lines of, hey OKCupid says we are compatable, I don't thin...k so, but while I'm here I thought this thing on your profile was cool. Ciao. So, I clicked on this dude because though it smacked of Grammar Nazi, his profile name was clever. What an odd mix. He is handsome. His profile is spare, but carefully constructed to display his intellect, knowledge, wit and how oh so spiritual he is. But at the same time it smacks of, I am better and smarter than most of you. When he responds to what he thinks about, he says, "My boy Guatama." In other words, Look at me! Look at me! See how spiritual I am. I am so elite in my spirituality I don't even just call him Buddha like everyone else. On top of this, he shows how fat phobic he is as well as letting people whose bodies may be temples, but are fat temples, they need not apply by posting a shot of his sleek, muscular build with the words, "non-obesity" across it. Let there be no mistake, his body is a testament to perfection and if yours isn't you should waddle off in shame. What I did compliment him on (see attached) was his response to what he does on Friday night, which is one of the most hilarious responses I have seen; totally channeling a 1950's housewife. Oh, well. That was enlightening. Next.

Dear Mr MustLoveBeards, My! That is indeed some beard you are sporting! #HipsterPride It's like you stole the mane off one of those Scottish Highland Cows and transplanted it to your chin. It's quite impressive. I regret to tell you....... Well, actually, I don't regret to tell you; I do not love beards. I dislike beards almost as much as I dislike ultimatums. I will admit that occasionally I become quite fond of a man who happens to have a beard, but I try not to hold that against him. If I loved beards I would just date a Schnauzer. Best of Luck, -Lorelei *I did not really send this response, but I sure was tempted.